AIBU to think that they should be the ones who feel bad not me

[Lonecatwithkitten]

I know I am not being unreasonable or at least my set of morals tell me that I am not. But forgive me for using the traffic here and really not knowing where to post as last time I posted in relationships I was lucky to escape alive.

So ExH has left me 2 months ago at my request. He was having an affair with my ex-friend who is also the mother of a child in DDs class.

She has continued to have a relationship with ExH and her H and they all know about each other. This relationship includes DD going with ExH for sleepovers at their house when OW'sH is away. And OW and her DD coming to ExH house for Sleepovers.
The summer holidays have protected me from the anxiety attacks I was having on see OW and her H. Today DD had a party and their OW was with her H laughing and joking with everyone.
Why am I the one who said this is all wrong and asked ExH to leave the one who feels like running away and hiding?
This is so not fair. I have no one else I feel I can talk today as my two close friends are out of the country.

YANBU, that is just weird.

I would kick my DH out if he did this.

It's a bit shitty that you have kids in the same class... beyond unfortunate.

If you're having anxiety attacks about it you need to speak to your GP.

Your ex and OW are behaving very badly. You have nothing to be ashamed of. At the very least they should be more discreet and not rub your face in it.
FWIW I don't think the three of them will continue like this for much longer.
You would be completely reasonable to tell your ex not to be spending the night at OW's home while your DD is also spending the night there.
It sounds like you're being very dignified in the face of this provocation.

Is your ex's relationship public knowledge? If it isn't, it may not remain private for much longer as your DD will mention things. I'm sure the other school mums will be very supportive of you.

OP can't tell her ex where to sleep at night, however much she might like to. And when he has dd, Op can't dictate where she sleeps either.

Shitty situation, but I don't see there's much you can do about it. :(

OP can't 'dictate' indeed. But she's well within her rights to say that she's very unhappy about it. It's the ex who's in the wrong and he should surely have SOME consideration for the mother of his DD.

Yes, he should have consideration, but he doesn't. Would saying anything help, Lonecat, or would he just laugh in your face?

Yanbu it sounds unbearable. The rotten bastards. Keep your dignified face on in publIc and wait for it all to come crashing down. The sleepovers make me feel sick for you. Hope your dd is coping

I think it's a terribly mixed up situation for your DD to witness- it will surely cause her a lot of confusion about adult relationships by exposing her to quite adult and complex relationships when she is too young to really appreciate the emotions involved?

Surely your exH has a responsibility to shelter her from this??

As old lady says I have no right to tell where to sleep or where DD sleeps when she is with him he has PR and can make these decisions. I have asked him to consider her feelings, but he felt he couldn't be dictated to by her. Let's face it if he was considerate of my feelings he would never have had an affair.
It is public knowledge about their relationship, but they all seem to carry on regardless. I have talked to my GP, but due to other medical conditions there is very little they can do to help.

I have considered moving DD's school, but ExH is adamant he will block it. The current arrangement is very convenient for him and OW as she has lost her licence due to drink driving.
Anyway just picked DD up and OW even though her DD had said thank you to the hostess just stood between me and her. I could not bring myself to go over and just called to DD to say thank you and we would go.
I am not normally like this I run my own business employing 17 people at 3 sites and deal with all kinds of situations at work, but I am just not coping with this.

It would be difficult for anyone to cope with this situation!

How awful for you. I agree that this will probably not last long.

Get some legal advice, I am fairly sure you are able to change your DDs school withouth your ExH blocking it. You could move anywhere in the country and he would not be able to block it either. He would only really be able to stop you from moving abroad.

I would have to go to court to move her school without his permission it would be a long drawn out bitter process and expensive. We 50-50 parent so have equal rights to determine such things. I would also need justification beyond my own discomfort to get a judge or JP to agree to her moving school.
My Dad is a family court JP and had been for 25years so he is providing me with advice.
I am trying to work with the school to get the right balance for DD they have been brilliant and once term starts it will be easier. It's the non-school stuff that is hard.

This is awful, Lonecat, I have been through something similar but I don't want to derail your thread with it.

So OW's H is ok with everything? You say you were given a hard time in relationships? There are a lot of women on there who will be able to give you some very good advice in terms of standing up to these people who seem to think its ok to treat you like a piece of shit. I think you need some hand holding to get through this...x

YANBU at all. My heart goes out to you.

I'm sure it won't help at the moment but the same happened in DS1s class last year. Two families with dc in the same class lived next door to each other in a pair of semis. Dad from one family went off with mum from other family. It was traumatic for all concerned at the time but nearly a yet on everyone seems to be handling it as well as you could expect. Both dc are getting on well although now going into separate classes at the senior school. As far as I know the 'new' couple are still together and the exes are managing well.

Good luck with it all.