To be fuming with my MiL?

[scentednappyhag]

It's DH's 30th tomorrow, I've organised a family meal for tonight.
MiL has just texted to say she had friends over to stay last night, so won't be coming as she is tired. She then said she didn't think it would be a problem.
This is the fourth year she's had more important thing to do than see her son on his birthday, and I hoped that as its a big one, she might make the effort.
I'm so bloody angry, he looks so hurt.
I've posted before about her drinking issues and DD, so I might just be seeing this as worse than it is because of the background, perspective would be useful please!
AIBU and blowing this out of proportion, or is she a selfish witch?

I would have flat out told her that he would find her non attendance very hurtful and maybe she could buck up and make the effort for his 30th. In fact, ring her back now and tell her so.

YANBU. Call her on it and tell her how hurt DH is. She is being very selfish. My mil is the same. On my DH 21st birthday she turned up to his party with her new man and an engagement ring on her finger. Some people are just inconsiderate...

If I were your DH I'd tell her to fuck right off. Presumably they're still there and she's rather be with them or she's too hungover to come tonight, either way she's shown that her priorities lie elsewhere.

How ols is she? If she's 75 or younger, she has no excuse not to be there. Older than that and I'd do some wheedling.

*old

She has all day to sleep and rest for tonight, phone and tell her that.

Tell her to have an afternoon nap and then she'll be fine for tonight.

She's in her 50s, but thinks she's 25
She was going to cancel on DD's 1st birthday last year due to hangover, and when I made it clear I was unimpressed, she arrived for an hour and regaled everyone with tales of how loose her bowels were due to all the alcohol she drank the night before, like LOL, isn't that like so totally funny ROFL...
Argh. He doesn't want her there tonight now, he's too annoyed with her.
He's been dreading turning 30, and I was determined to make it a nice evening, and now bollocks.

Phone her, say it's OK that she's not coming tonight and that it just confirms everything you already knew/thought about her.

I would hate this. Poor Dh. Tell him turning 30 isn't bad at all... I'm closer to 40 and quite looking forward to it

It's a little way off yet, but I think you guys need to be making alternate plans for the weekend of her 60th birthday. Or maybe a fortnights holiday straddling said occasion.

Thanks for the replies, I'm relieved to hear that I'm not just a grumpy cow bag
She's now phoned SiL and had a moan, so DH is being told off for upsetting his mum now... Is it too early to open the wine?

Yep, when it comes to her birthday, have 'other plans' and if she acts hurt, just say 'oh, we didn't think birthdays were that important to you after your attendance record at your own son's birthdays'. Cow. How could you do that to your own child?!

Is SIL a bit of a mummy's girl then?

SiL is lovely, but MiL and her are very close. Eg, MiL had their house redecorated as a surprise for her anniversary, takes her kids for days out etc.

Does SIL know your side of things?

Yanbu

She is a cow.

She sounds like an alcoholic, as she is putting her fondness for alcohol before seeing her family.

She sounds like she needs help.

Although YANBU to be pissed off. I would Have A Word with her.

My own mum turned 60 this year and made a big thing about it, however when I was 40 a few months later all I got was a card (no phone call, gift etc). Have now learned the hard way some mums are simply selfish and should not figure in future birthday plans. Happy birthday to your hubby; I'm sure you and dc will make his birthday a special one and that's the main thing that matters to him I'm sure.

YANBU to be disappointed and hacked off, but it's her loss really.

I love my MIL but she has never acknowledged DHs birthday, or been as involved in our lives as she could be (eg she is invited for Christmas, but it's too much hassle) I used to be hurt about it, but now I just accept that she is entitled to live her life whatever way suits her. After all, I'd hate it equally if she was trying to tell us how we should and shouldn't run our lives. Sometimes families can have different ideas about what is important. Leave her to it, don't bother inviting her next time and concentrate on your DHs birthday- don't allow her to spoil it. like I say, her loss (and at least you don't have to listen to stories about her bowels- yuk!)