...is she a bit of a twat or am I reading too much into this?!

[gimmecakeandcandy]

My little one is starting school soon and I have recently met quite a few of the mums of the children who will be starting with my child. Anyhow... I met one mum who seemed really nice, friendly and lives near me etc. We arranged to meet up and she came round for lunch to my house, kids get on well (no problems with the kids at all) and we met up again and went to the park, out with the kids to lunch so maybe five times. On the last two times I thought she seemed a bit 'off' but dismissed it as reading too much into it, but I realised she has been off, doesn't text me unless I text her and just seems, well, off!

Now I know this friendship is in the early days but her demeanour is very different now. Am I reading too much into this or should I do what I'm doing now, saying hi, being 'friendly polite' when I see her and see that it isn't actually going to develop into a friendship.

I'm perfectly willing to accept iabu - I just need some perspective please!

I'd wait. See if she contacts you.

charming

Not sure you can tell what is "off" for her, if you don't know her too well, so I'd carry on regardless and see what happens :)

Let it go for a while and see if she approaches you. You don't HAVE to be friends with other parents at your DC school.

I agree with Sybil, give her a chance to make the next move and then you'll know if it's going to become a 'friend at the school gates' or someone you meet up with separately.

Hope you find more people you like amongst the new starters.

Also, as you don't know her that well, there maybe be private things going on in her life that she isn't going to share at this stage, things that might be affecting her demeanour.

I'd also let it go for a while. You've barely got to know each other and there may be all sorts of factors that are making her behave in a way that you perceive as "off". However, I'm a little concerned that your immediate judgement of her is that she might be a "twat". Are you usually this forceful with your analysis of personality?

It could be that she is feeling a bit overwhelmed by the new friendship she is making. You say you met only recently and have met five times already? Flipping heck, I would find that way too much. Especially if I was wanting to make the most of my one to one time with my child before he / she started school...

I know that when I first meet people I am very bubbly and lively. But then as we meet up more and more often I feel a bit pressured by it. Not because I don't like the other person but because I am a bit of an introvert who loves her own company and finds socialising hard. And I would struggle to meet up with the same person five times over a period of what, a month or so?
Perhaps she is the same?
Don't judge her just yet, give her time. She will value the friendship but values her breathing space too

I met one mum who seemed really nice, friendly and lives near me etc. We arranged to meet up and she came round for lunch to my house, kids get on well (no problems with the kids at all) and we met up again and went to the park, out with the kids to lunch so maybe five times.

Can I just say - and I'm sure others will agree - primary school is a mine field. It's nice that you want to make friends, but all the above seems a bit "full on". The only thing you really have in common is children the same age who go to the same school IYSWIM. Don't try and make a friendship out of these people - friendships grow because you adults, as individuals, have something in common.

Do you always pursue her to meet up again?

Maybe as the summer hols progressed she was just feeling more "off" cos she was exhausted and it is hard work! I have certainly had "off" days this hol when I have been more quiet and I have also been more anti social! Just leave it now and continue to be friendly - that is all you can do, but I would not take it personally. Tbh she does not know you well enough for it to be anything to do with you!

I'd give her a chance - you barely know her, after all. I think it's too soon to tell whether or not this friendship will develop further.

There could be plenty of reasons unrelated to you that are causing her to be a bit off or too busy to text - I know it can take me a while to open up to new people about personal issues that may be worrying me. Equally, she may be very busy at the minute, and not want to bore you with all the hectic details.

Wow. 5 times? I don't even meet mummy friends of mine who I've known for 4 years (since we started at nursery) that frequently and I consider some of them v good friends.

I work full time. I did take time off at home but we were so ridiculously busy with life it was difficult to meet friends frequently.

I'd back off. There are other kids and their parents to make friends with.

Btw what do you mean by 'off'?

When I say we have met up five times or so that is over a course of a couple of months and three of those have been within a meet up with other mums!

Appreciate the replies, thanks

With the twat comment... Maybe I should have put somwthng else! She is very hot and cold which I find odd, one minute she is nice, the next she is all weird - hard to explain! I just find her 'off' demeanour strange but I have just kept up saying hi etc when I see her but I have not texted her etc for a while now.

I think I'll cocentrate on the lovely friends I have for now!

Thanks again everyone - this has helped me, I probaly take it too personally when I shouldn't x

Gosh typos! Sorry about that!

I think you sound a bit full on and to suggest that she's a twat because she hasn't got the time to meet you that frequently could well be suffocating. I know you said you should have used a different word but still.

I have an acquaintance who sounds similar to you. We were in the getting to know each other phase and she suggested we keep every Monday free to meet up. It was too much - I need time to see family and more established friends but she took offense. It was way too full on. The word twat makes me think you could get nasty and it would make me be a bit distant. I know you won't have said this word to her but these things can come across in ones manner.

Actually chasedbybees your post is full of inaccuracies about me, I am in no way like your accquaintance and haven't suggested we meet every were or anything like that. We met within a group of mums, out kids get on and we spoke about getting together so we did. My confusion is the change in demeanour from this person, from being friendly and engaging to being quite 'off'. For you to suggest I am like the person you know from what I have written shows me how quick you are to jump to absurd conclusions.

This person I have met does seem hot and cold so I probably should have put... Is she being a bit odd rather than being a bit of a twat. I haven't in any way been nasty, I have been friendly and polite and always am as I have to associate with these mums at the gates even if they are not always so.

I didn't say could be a 'twat' because she hasn't time to meet, it's the change in her demeanour. There is never a time I would suggest to even my closest friend to keep one day a week free to meet up and that is odd behaviour and for you to liken me to that is, well, very presumptuous of you as well as being very off the mark. Maybe you should think a bit more before jumping to absurd conclusions.

It wasn't just me saying let's get together, if anything, when wr first met, she suggested it.

Gimme, I have a friend / colleague similar to this mum u describe. Our children r of similar age. She's not really "off" with me but when we see each other at Work she suggests getting together, initially she used to txtme with arrangements and I would fit in happily as my ds is not yet 2 and I wanted him to have a little friend. Morerecentlyshe doesn't respond to a txt until days later, hence no play date happens. Initially I felt put out ( as an oldermum I don't have many mum friends iykwim) but I've just decided to take a step back now to preservemy dignity. I imagine she is just busy and focused on other stuff. Excuse missing spaces, am om iPad propped up in bed! So I guess the advice to cool it for a while makes sense. OMG it's like dating but without all the waxing!

Thanks bruschetta. Yep I have totally backed off but remain smiley and friendly in a non-committed way if I see her. I don't really think I want to be amything more than acquaintances with someone who has such a demeanour having though more about it so it's fine. I spent today with lots of my good friends at a party and it occurrd to me this is how it should be with friends, easy and just, well, nice!

I think the way you responded to chasedbybees' post clarifies things, actually.

You do seem to take things a tad personally & react quite touchily, & if it's the vibe you give across IRL, your acquaintance may well have quietly decided it's all a bit high maintenance; easier for her to back off a bit so she can just pass the time of day pleasantly at the school gate.

I'd just settle for polite & friendly as others have suggested. You have friends already, so no point losing sleep over it.

She's just not that into you.

Really raven you picked all that up from a couple of posts? Wow, you must like yourself as an expert on personalities...
I haven't come across as touchy to her at all, I just don't get people who blow hot and cold on others. One minute really friendly and the next a bit odd and off, its all rather playground to me.

novack - lol, you are probably right!