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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to get cross that MIL and FIL treat their sons differently

4 replies

mumof2monsters · 01/09/2012 14:08

DH is in late thirties and we live 4 miles from inlaws and see them probably every few weeks as we work and they travel alot and are very active.
DH brother is a few years younger but lives much further away.
Inlaws have loaned us money in the past but always comment about how and when we are going to pay it back etc. I hate asking them for anything.
However DH brother is the golden boy and owes then thousands. He goes on holiday regularly and pays them back hardly anything and they continue to pander to him, lend him money and no comment is made about the holidays he has etc. Yet with us those comments do get made and we have not had a holiday for a few years as we would feel guilty that we owe them money.
Both DH and his brother are divorced. When DH was going thru divorce they did not really help us and felt that DH made his bed etc. However they have always helped his brother with advice and money.
There is always a drama with the brother and it is always poor boy! When brother was growing up he caused parents all sorts of trouble and it does upset my DH that he has always got on with things and he is just treated differently.
We are going away on a big family trip next year for DH's birthday and I want this holiday to be about him as it is his birthday and celebration but I know it will end up being all about the brother and his family.
Not going to say anything to inlaws as it will cause trouble but just feel for DH as I know it does upset him.

OP posts:
Foslady · 01/09/2012 14:32

Who wants to do the big family trip for your husband? If it's IL's inviting themselves along I'd be tempted to say change of plan - just us if you BOTH think it'll ruin the trip/birthday and party when you get back for them all - unless the big family trip is what dh wants, then it's just a case of go along with what he wants for his birthday with gritted teeth and largeWine!

beamme · 01/09/2012 17:53

Unfortunately I don't think anything will change and it will be about bil. Some parents are like that. I don't think URBU but I doubt the inlaws will change any time soon.
My inlaws do anything and everything for my bil, who is currently unemployed and living with fil. He gets taken golfing, treated to meals out, taken to St Andrews for golfing holiday. We, on the other hand, asked to borrow £250 last year to cover childcare when I started a new job. He went on and on about it and paying it and we ended up borrowing it from my mum to pay him back.

NarkedRaspberry · 01/09/2012 17:57

It isn't gpoing to change. My ILs have a 'golden child' too. Whatever they do is wonderful, they have such a hard life etc etc.

IneedAgoldenNickname · 01/09/2012 18:03

My dad is the same, difference being that his other 'daughter' is actually a step daughter, who was a grown up when him and her Mum got together. (by which I mean he played no part in raising her). If she needs something doing he is there within a couple of days, I've been waiting a year him to do some diy for me. It hurts :-(

No advice I'm afraid but I know how you feel

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