That I was made to feel inferior

[IShallCallYouSquishy]

Or was I being over sensitive?

At a baby group with my DD 14 weeks yesterday and chatting with another mum who's DS was born a few days after. We were just generally chatting about how wriggley the babies are getting and I said "oh I know, I looked into DDs cot this morning and was facing the complete opposite way!" to which I got the response "oh, she's in a cot is she? WE are co-sleeping"

Not an issue with the reply but the tone and emphasis on the "we" and the "oh she's in a cot" were very judgey and made me feel like crap. It's hard to explain but you know that tone when you feel someone is looking down their nose as you?

I've got no problem with co-sleeping and think if it works for you then go for it. Every parent is different and do different things. For me personally I couldn't do it as I'm scared stiff i would squash/smother her and she's such a noisy grunty snuffley baby I'd never sleep! But if someone else does it with their child then it doesn't make the blindest bit of difference to me.

I just feel I was being judged and looked down on and that I wasn't doing the best for my DD and that I'm a bad unloving mum for putting her in her cot.I know that's not the case as she's a happy healthy and delightful little thing, but to be made to feel like crap just as I'm doing something that's giving me and my DH our own space.

Maybe I'm over thinking it but it's still bugging me!

Hmmm, some people lie/get all competitive at baby groups! I remember going through 4 month sleep regression hell and telling one of the other mums at my baby group, and she raised an eyebrow and said "oh, my little one sleeps from 10pm to 7am." I could have cried. I was hoping for a "it's really shit isn't it, but it won't last forever" type response, which in fairness I got from the others.

Yes, competative mums. It doesn't get any better as they get older either. Once you DS or DD gets to secondary school, you will be regaled by tales of darling Tarquin and his rowing club achievements, cello lessons and how he can cook a four course meal while simultaneously whistling the national anthem, doing his aglebra homework and riding a unicycle.

LOL@Lesley! That made me giggle!

General consensus seems toughen up a bit and ignore so will put it out my mind!

I'm dreading all the future milestones etc so better learn now to ignore comments. 4 month sleep regression is the next thing on the cards going by her age and her son might be fine with it by co-sleeping and DD might be a nightmare! Will have to wait and see!

Just checking that Eleanor Roosevelt has been quoted.

It is rude of someone to try to make you feel inferior - but that may or may not have been the other person's intention.

Can I just ask a sensible co-sleeping question here - don't really want to start another thread on something that has been (probably) done to death, or start a bun fight on the rights and wrongs.

My youngest is almost 12. Co-sleeping was very much frowned upon as a cause of SIDS. To not co-sleep was one of the only bits of advice I did follow because my mothers cousin smothered her baby that way back in the '80's. (No she wasn't drunk, on drugs etc etc)

But on the other hand, I doubt 90% of the world has access to cots and separate sleeping arrangements so co-sleeping - family sleeping even - would be entirely normal.

So when was the advice on co-sleeping changed in the UK?

The fact is, there will always be another mum who cooks from scratch all baby purees with organic waitrose food and will look at you funny if you open a jar in a public place; someone who will make a comment if you give your baby a dummy; because you decide to stop breastfeeding; and later on because your admit that once in a while you let your children eat in front of the tv, that you send them to such and such school; you let them eat crisps in public places; you buy their uniforms second hand; because they can't swim at 6 years old, bla bla bla. I've had all of the above, and I'm sure that many other mums will feel the same way - whatever you choose, there will be someone who will judge you because their choices are different.

On the other hand, I do look at people funny if they give their toddlers fizzy drinks out of a bottle..... or people who smoke whilst pushing a baby in a pushchair... so I'm no better really

I remember taking DD to a mum and toddler group. They put biscuits and juice out for the children. Most of the mums got their packets of organic apple rice cakes and blueberries out, and I gave DD a Jaffa Cake which she smeared around her face with great gusto. Oh the horror - about 95% of the room looked at me like they wanted to report me to Social Services!! Needless to say, I didn't go back....

I think with a baby of 14 weeks you are over sensitive & still paranoid that you're not doing the absolute best for your baby. I took every single thing anyone said as a slight in my parenting, but I now have a mostly well behaved happy toddler so we got something right!

No idea jumpingthroughhoops. Guidelines have been out for how to co sleep safely for at least 5 years (since I first did it!) The NHS still say the safest place is in a cot / basket next to the parents bed, which it probably is unless the parent is very clear on what you should and shouldn't do in terms of safety.

she didn't make you feel like shit - it was the way YOU heard her comment and interpreted it that did that - which to me says YABU and a bit over sensitive - I don't mean that in a nasty way x

I would have thought she could only feel jealous - you get to sleep through and have some private time with your husband - why wouldn't anyone want that?

Surely if she was jealous though then she just wouldnt do it