Aibu to want to celebrate my dds birthday as well as MILs

[5dcsinneedofacleaner]

First of all this isnt a post about how i hate MiL i actually really like her its just this situation that im feeling put out about.

Its her birthday two days before my dds, this year her children have all chipped in to pay for an "experience" for her i wont say what because anyone who know me will know straight away what it is. It takes place the weekend before dds birthday (dds birthday is on a wednesday we cant celebrate then because shes in school and dh works late so it will be presents and a slice of cake after tea)Thats weekend will be full of that, we are travelling to watch and support her.

The next weekend so the weekend after dds birthday there is going to be a family get together with he family who couldnt be at the first thing (dh has a very large family and close extended family). Which kind of blanks out thatweekend too as its a big party on saturday which means a late night saturday night so they are all going to be tired sunday.

I suggested making the party joint but that didnt go down well as "its MILs day" plus its a grown up party not much fun for 8 year old dd.

AIBU to expect that if we spend so much time and actually alot of money celebrating MILs birthday we might spend a little celebrating dhs?

Perhaps im just bitter because it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago and no bugger remembered or did anything.

Im just feeling a little pissed off.

Should have added MIL doesnt know about either of these things so i cant tell her as they are surprises.

Should be celebrating dds birthday not dhs

Yanbu

Is it a significant birthday for mil?

If not I can't believe an adult would let their birthday take precedence over a grandchild

I would be a bit sad too but as your dd is older can you not just plan a party for her and her friends on the Sunday and if people are tired then they are tired.

Do you need to be at both weekends? Could you take your daughter off for the day on the second weekend and make an appearance at your MIL's do in the evening?

TBH I would just put your foot down and say its DD's birthday and we are doing some nice things with her in the daytime that weekend so we will see you later on in the day.

If its DH causing the problem tell him to get a grip and remember DD too. She's a child.

Do you think MIL would be a bit upset if she knew her GD was being slightly forgotten about?

Could you have your own party on the Friday? Or could you arrive earlier on the Saturday and go out for a birthday treat with those who want to join you before the adult party?

Yes it is a big birthday (70) which is why we organized the big present and why i thought a joint party would be ok but now that its not i feel like its unreasonable to have both weekends.

Do you usually have a family party to celebrate DD's birthday? Are you having a children's party for her - if so I would count that as her celebration.

For the weekend after the big event at some stage during the party I would bring along a cake for DD and say someone else had a birthday this week, can we all sing happy birthday for DD. Some people may be annoyed about this, but really yes if a bunch of grown people cannot spare 10 minutes over the course of two weekends to celebrate a little girl turning 8 then that's kind of sad.

Pascha i think MIL would assume the party would be joint tbh but i could be wrong.
I cant invite her friends over , she has problems at school and tbh i dont think she would want anyone :( (totally different thread!) i think i might just leave the other children with dh and take dd out to see a film and for a meal.just me and her.
I dont drink at all so tbh dhs family parties bore me stupid sometimes.

Theoriginal - we normally have a family party for dd

Do it. Make her feel special.

Sorry to hear that about DD in school 5dcs. Why don't you take DD out on her own on the Sunday ?

Definitely to something special just the two of you together and get her a really nice present. Your mil will probably insist on a joint celebration when she finds out, if that happens, brilliant. Do the rest of the family understand that she can't have a party with friends? That's what most people would expect, if they're aware that it's not possible they might have a different opinion?

I wouldn't force it by bringing a cake against everyone elses wishes, any annoyance expressed by the rest of the family will leave your daughter feeling humiliated and upset. That's the last thing you want.