Sticking to visits

[Yayaboots]

I split up with dh about 3 months ago and the children are living with me. We have moved into a new house about 3 minutes drive from ex. We had agreed he would see ds who is two on Tuesday's during the holidays and on Sundays from 10 til 4.

Suddenly he keeps changing arrangements last minute. He will text me that morning to say he can't come because he is ill. Or suddenly ring and say I'm bringing him back now 3hours earlier than planned. I've tried to be flexible but he doesn't appreciate it.

Last week he said he was too busy to see ds then suggested he come to my house for an hour on thursday and Friday. I said that would be fine...made him cups of the while he was here but gave them some privacy and then on the second day he was letting ds play with his Thomas DVDs so I said -nicely I thought - oh careful don't let him scratch them. He blew up and left saying he was now unsure if he could have ds at the weekend as planned because his back hurt. I'm sure he was just being difficult on purpose and said I had plans and we needed to stick to our arrangement. He then texted me at 10 last night to say he would be dropping ds home 3 hours earli than planned as he had an appointment.

I can't bear what I see to be him playing games at our ds sake and I can't make any plans to do anything.

Am I bein unreasonable?

He has also cancelled visits or finished them early to watch the football and to go and play poker.

Now is the time to see a solicitor. Your ex is clearly going to continue as long as he can get away with it.

Don't be home when he calls to say he is bringing him back! That may help a bit.

You will get lots of good advise here.

In my experience, once they start behaving like that they don't stop. He will be aiming for no contact at all (because it messes with his pub/game playing/dates/sleep ins) - but when that happens he will blame you so be prepared.

All I can suggest is that you accept that he will never change and try to build a lifestyle for your ds which will mean he won't feel too toubled by his absense from his life.

Keep a diary of all the broken arrangements. My ex has done the same.

do you get on with exs parents?
my sis had a similar situation and arranged for ex to drop her dd with them when he had an 'appointment'. they were delighted to have regular contact and are happy to have her dd on any visits her ex cant make.
so my dsis can make plans for ex's weekends and knows that when he decides he has a better offer GPS will step in.
this arrangement has worked for 5 yrs now. the only unhappy one is the ex! as his mum gets on at him for missing visits!