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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to permantley watch a child whose mother I have never met?

41 replies

ditavonteesed · 31/08/2012 17:12

who is round ours and neighbour a lot, nobody has ever been over to say hello or anything, she crosses road which I dont like as terraced street, double parked cars. my girls and neighbours girls wanted to go to her house and she had asked them, so I said I would cross them all over and go and meet mum and ask her to cross them back, she saw her daughter and other girls coming I was round corner so she didnt see me adn just said no your not coming here, all sent away, not a problem I have crossed them all back home, however we still have her dd. Not a major rant she is a lovely little girl and you dont know you have her, but I could be anyone.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 31/08/2012 17:15

how do you mean you permanently watch?babysit?
not clear what's going
but if you're not happy to watch child don't do it

Mintyy · 31/08/2012 17:16

Yanbu.

scottishmummy · 31/08/2012 17:18

you're in sole charge if child you've never met mum properly?
does mum know she's there?has she indicated pick up time
get child back to mum,set boundary with mum eg no more watching

Original poster

ditavonteesed · 31/08/2012 17:18

no idea if mum knows where she is, I doubt it as they are in and out of 3 houses this side of the road.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 31/08/2012 17:20

so go knock doors give kid back
don't get imposed upon again
if mum not available call police 101

SundaysGirl · 31/08/2012 17:21

Your neighbour lets her daughter come into your house for hours on end and has never even met you? That sounds really weird. I'd want to meet the person where my son was spending his time as well as say thank you and offer to host the children myself. I'd also feel really weird about having another persons child in my house if the parents did not know me. I'd go round and introduce yourself and see what happens but it sounds really odd to me.

ImNotInsaneMyMotherHadMeTested · 31/08/2012 17:25

If I read your OP right, the neighbour saw the kids coming back to her house and wouldn't let them come over, but is perfectly happy to let strangers mind her child without asking?

I'd be walking her child home pronto, ringing the doorbell, and handing her back. I'd do it every time she appeared (without upsetting the child) till the mum realises you're not a free babysitter! Cheeky mare!

Original poster

ditavonteesed · 31/08/2012 17:27

she seems like a really nice kid and I would feel guilty her being left out as theothers are always in and out of each others houses, it just seems a bit weird, I wouldnt want my kid in someones house who I hadnt met.

OP posts:

WelshMaenad · 31/08/2012 17:32

Well, that's because you're normal, and give a shit about what your child is doing, and with whom. Sadly, not everyone is as conscientious.

Me, I'd go around with a business card, introduce myself and give her my contact details, "seeing as X seems to be spending so much time at our house, I thought you'd find them useful. Can I have yours, in case there's a problem?". Might give them pause for thought. Might not. Nice of you to have her to play so much, either way OP.

BlackberryIce · 31/08/2012 17:38

How old is she?

lovebunny · 31/08/2012 17:41

depending on the age of the child, advise social services of the neglect.

Flojo1979 · 31/08/2012 17:41

How old is the child?

Original poster

ditavonteesed · 31/08/2012 17:43

about 6 or 7 I would say.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2012 17:51

Just play it carefully whatever you decide to do. I had a similar, although much briefer, experience when someone went off and left their child with me.

I decided to say something, and let's say I couldn't help but connect the gobfull totally OTT and defensive response she gave me with the type of person she was for making the decision to leave her (what looked like) 4 YO in an isolated park with a stranger.

Although I could have walked off from her child at any time, and I also could have not said anything, just the whole situation left a really bad taste in my mouth especially the stalking and harassment she did of me for weeks afterwards and definitely changed the way I felt about picking up any slack in how other parents sometimes don't feel the same responsibility about their children than I would about mine.

Toombs · 31/08/2012 17:52

When I was young I had a friend like this, turned out her mother was OCD tidy house, my friend couldn't even play in her own home so she came to ours. Early 70's so a more innocent age.

WelshMaenad · 31/08/2012 17:56

Jeez that's young. I thought you meant a 9/10 year old. My dd is six and I would definitely want to know where she was at all times.

Original poster

ditavonteesed · 31/08/2012 17:57

I dont think its anything sinister, I know I am too overprotective about my dc and the roads but they really are dodgy, people use them as a cut through and there is always double parked cars. I also wouldnt let my kids go to someones house I hadnt met as you dont know if they are imposing, I mean I cant tell her off I dont know her. I do lay the rules down the second they walk in, dont make a mess dont jump about in the attic, stop scqealing that kind of thing.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2012 18:08

'I dont think its anything sinister'

If that was in response to what I said, I meant that a parent who isn't particularly bothered about where there child is, or who they're with at 6/7 YO, might not take kindly to being told you think she should care (not that you've suggested you're going to say anything).

When the DDs round your house, I would just treat her as you would any other visiting child and tell them to pipe down if they're creating havoc.

scottishmummy · 31/08/2012 18:09

so go get the mum knock some doors
updating mn shouldn't be the priority here
child going back to parents is

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2012 18:20

I think the OP's saying this is a regular thing and she knows where the girl lives SM.

Could be wrong.

ssd · 31/08/2012 18:43

I had something like this too, the mum didnt give a rats arse where her kid was, so long as she wasnt at home under her feet

maybe we live on the same road op

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2012 18:48

How did you handle it ssd?

Did it bother you? Did you say anything?

ssd · 31/08/2012 18:57

it really bothered me, I felt like A I was having the piss taken out of me and B the child was being neglected and left to her own devises too much

I didnt say anything to the mother, I felt she wasnt on the same wavelength as me

It continued until they moved house, the child would knock on doors until she found a house to take her in, at one point she was 10 and playing with 3 and 4 yr olds if they were the only house to take her in

sad really

lydiamama · 31/08/2012 19:02

Well, I am not sure I got it, if the girl is inside your home and you have not talked to the mother about it, take the girl back ASAP!!!!! I mean now now now!!!!!!!!! If she is playing outside, well what can you do?
I lived in a place where there was a nice patch of grass between the flats and the small children and toddlers used to play there, you could see them from home, but there was a woman that left her 3-4 year old out all day, while she was upstairs, and her child used to get out to the parking area!!!!! We used to get tired to shout for her mum to get her back!!!!! Still the mum did not get the idea, thanks god the child grew and learnt some road safety

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2012 19:08

Thing is with a 3/4 YO is that you're kind of under an obligation to keep the child safe if they're right in front of you lydia, it'd be wrong not to! But that backs up the mums idea that she can leave her small child out and they'll be OK.

It's a horrible situation because you think why the fuck should I? But then feel sorry for the little one and know you have to give a fuck.

That is sad ssd, judginess should go on in some situations and that sounds like one of them.

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