for wanting to sah just a little while longer?

[mummyonvalium]

DS1 just turned 3, DS2 not even 2 yet and does not start pre-school until next September.

Over the past week DH has suggested (only gently) that I might want to return to work; I have had e-mails from 2 people relating to job adverts; and friends are asking "are you going to go back to work?"

My answer is always the same - at some point yes but I am not ready at the moment. I never had a year out between school, uni and work. I am only just coming out of the fog of having two children close together and now I want a bit of me time.

We can afford for me to be at home for another year before I think about re-training / getting another job.

AIBU for resisting for a while longer? Maybe at least until DS2 is at pre-school in a meaningful way.

Your children are still quite young, in your position I'd want to SAH a bit longer too. But it's not entirely your descision, your dh has to have some input into it too as he may be feeling a lot of pressure as the only earner at the moment.

If you want to re train, you might be better off starting sooner rather than later as it will be longer before you start earning, but if you are planning on going directly back to paid work it might be ok for you to leave it a bit longer.

You really need to be having this conversation with your husband, because there is no right or wrong answer, there is only what suits your family. That includes your husbands feelings and how your dc will be with the various childcare options.

You're not being unreasonable but you do need to talk to your husband I think x

Not at all, they are only young babies for so long. Unless there is a good, sound financial reason why not, stay at home with your baby - it can only be good thing for both of you!

By the way, I am a husband, so this comes from a boy's perspective

DH earns quite well without me working. In the medium term we are reasonably well off with this arrangement.

you will never get this time back if YOU want to go back thats fine but if you dont explain that to other half and stick by your guns

every mother has gulit i am sahm my 1st is of in sept but youngest not till next year then i still intend to be there for them - i feel guilty am i allowing myself to be less? my best friend works and send sdc to nursery and shes always wondering if her kids think the worst

do what is right for you

Have you checked out childcare costs? That might make your DH reconsider

If you want to retrain then it might be worth researching now, simply so you know when courses start etc and how much childcare you'd need.

Agree that this is something you need to talk about with your husband. Of course you need to do what is right for you, but it's not fair (imho) to stay off simply for 'me time' if he's not happy with that.

You need to discuss with your dh and come to some sort of agreement. Also, if 'me' time is a valid reason to not work, are you prepared at some future point to support your dh to have his 'me' time?

The gap year thing is a red herring; not everyone has one, and where they do, it's normally when they are single, have worked to cover their expenses for the year and don't have any responsibility to anyone else. Your situation is different, so you need to talk to your dh about whats reasonable .

Your children will be fine either way.

I think that its the "me time" that sticks with most people/posters.

Ypu reaaly need to have a proper discusion with your DH and work out whats best for your family.

" I never had a year out between school, uni and work"

Eh - what's that got to do with anything?! I don't know one single person who had a gap year - it's very much a luxury for those who can afford it, not the norm.
As Janey68 says, would you be so keen on having some "me time" if your DH also wanted to do the same in the future?

That said, if you can afford to stay at home for another year, then I don't see any harm in doing so while your children are so little. You don't want to return to work, so why do so and pay for childcare if you don't have to?

However, this has to be a joint decision between you and your DH, not you just deciding to have another year off because you fancy it. Perhaps he's feeling the strain of being the sole breadwinner and could do with you taking the pressure off in the near future.

Maybe DH wants some 'me time' too?

Why do you think he's making these gentle suggestions? Is he feeling financially pushed? Is he worried about his job? Does he think that you could do with getting back into the workplace? Is he thinking it could take ages to find a job that suits (tough marketplace ATM) so you should start applying for things in the realisation you may not find anything for a while?

I hear what you're saying, I do. I wish I hadn't gone back so early, in hindsight. But this isn't your decision to make, it's something you have to work out together.

When the most-difficult-job-in-the-world contingent hear you call being a SAHM 'me time' and likening it to a gap year, you is going to be in beeeeeeg
trouble my friend'

IME men don't realise the cost of childcare unless its laid out in front of them.

YABU as I've been a SAHM for 6 years and I am going to start looking for work from September to have some "me" time i.e. go to the loo in peace, have a cup of coffee without having "mum I want..." shouted at me!

grr stupid computer

... retrain, or whatever), and how much you could earn, whether it would cover childcare and any work-related costs you would have (travel, work clothes, etc), and then have a chat to your DH. I'm a SAHM and part of the reason why I am is that it would cost more to put our DC in after school club and nursery than I could earn working PT. As I don't have any burning desire to go back and my DH earns a decent salary we are both happy with this arrangement.

The 'year out' argument is rather spurious IMO. Did your DH have a year out? Does he think you're entitled to one now because you didn't get one at 18 or 21? If he does, then fine, but if not I'd keep that one to yourself.

Sorry - I don't know what happened there - but this is what I meant to say:

I would do my sums, if I was you. Figure out what childcare would cost for your two DC if you were to work, what kind of thing you want to do (study further, go back to work in your old job, retrain, or whatever), and how much you could earn, whether it would cover childcare and any work-related costs you would have (travel, work clothes, etc), and then have a chat to your DH. I'm a SAHM and part of the reason why I am is that it would cost more to put our DC in after school club and nursery than I could earn working PT. As I don't have any burning desire to go back and my DH earns a decent salary we are both happy with this arrangement.

The 'year out' argument is rather spurious IMO. Did your DH have a year out? Does he think you're entitled to one now because you didn't get one at 18 or 21? If he does, then fine, but if not I'd keep that one to yourself.

Unless your DH is on a pretty good salary you would get help with childcare from tax credits with 2 DC. Just saying that it is often easier (from a childcare POV as opposed to emotional) to get back to work than you might think.

Chestnutx3 Fri 31-Aug-12 14:09:33
IME men don't realise the cost of childcare unless its laid out in front of them.

So, you don't talk to your partner about costs and finances then?

Not unreasonable at all, but as others have said, might be good to use this time to plan if you do want to return to work, and talk with your husband. I know someone who, after packing her last child off to school, had 6 months 'off' (just doing the school run)- she works really hard back in her career now, but at the time wanted a short break and if you can afford it, why not?