To not understand whether this friend needs to be ditched or if I should be understanding.

[BejewelledBonkers]

I don't know whether this friend has a certain personality type, or if she is just a total cow and I need to stop bothering with her. I've known her 4 years, and we met through NCT group when we had our children. My second child, her first.

She is one of those people that always knows best. When our children were little and when she was pregnant she was full of lectures about what everyone should and shouldn't be doing with their babies. She gives off this air of everyone not being as good as her. She is my friend on facebook and she'll ask questions in her status, such as where can I buy a bed guard, and then when people answer, her replies will be things such as "Oh no I wouldn't shop there" and "Hmmm, I don't think the quality will be good enough from there". Or she asks things or Facebook or does a very attentions seeking status and then doesn't reply to anyone. Like she thinks she is too good and her time is too precious. And she never comments on my statuses or photos or those of the other group members.

She makes a big deal over how she does everything, and everyone in our group thinks she is brilliant and they all look up to her. They seem to think she's a benchmark as to how to parent. She also always makes out her child is best at everything, most advanced, cleverest, and if he does do anything last she makes a big deal about how it was far better for him to do it last as he took to it far quicker than those that did it younger, as he's so bright. She has a sneer on her face and is quite aloof in how she comes across. She never makes any effort to arrange any meets, whereas the rest of us do. And she doesn't often reply to texts from any of us. What I find very rude too is how she tries to put down other people. I said the last time we met up that I am keen to keep my DS a little boy for as long as possible and she started scoffing and saying her son was in a hurry to grow up and it would be impossible to do that with him.

I am thinking perhaps she is insecure and so maybe I should be understanding towards her? Or whether she is a total and utter cow and I should cut contact with her and stop inviting her to meets at my house. She does make me feel quite uncomfortable and I always feel like I can't quite be myself when she's there.

I don't think you actually like her (probably for good reason); therefore it's a waste of time for both of you to be friends anyway.

Just block her status updates off facebook; be polite but distant if you have to speak to her when you are with mutual friends; & don't phone her or see her individually.

It won't be difficult because she sounds as if she has lots of friends / acquaintances & may not notice you 'slipping off her radar' IYSWIM.
(That does not make her the better person btw - friendship is about quality, not quantity!!)

This is going to sound mad but I am rubbish at being distant with people. Do you mean just answer her with one word answers? Or try to avoid sitting near her and just chat to others instead?

talk normal, sit elsewhere.

Be polite but don't start up a conversation with her, don't sit near her, don't text/email/FB her unless in response to a direct contact from her, don't make plans with her. Just an acquaintance, not a friend. There's no need to be rude.

LOL at "how difficult it is when your child sleeps well" wonder why she thinks that is difficult! I would be tempted to make some kind of snide comment back like she is not coping well if she finds that difficult!

Anyway yes she sounds a stuck up cow.

You sound like you hate her.

Do you really want to be the sort of person who is all fake smiles to someone's face, when it's obvious to all and sundry you despise the person in question? Because that's who you're being.

You hate her. Stop hanging around with her. She sounds awful but this dramatic carry-on doesn't reflect too well on you either.

You dislike her, and she makes ou feel insecure, so...

TonyDanza where have I said I am all fake smiles to her face? And where have you come to the conclusion that it's obvious to all and sundry that I despise her.

I fail to see how being polite for the sake of a friendship group is a dramatic carry on and how it doesn't reflect well on me. Please elaborate.

Psychologically, people put others down because they are insecure and belittling others makes them feel better about themselves. How do you know they all worship her tho? Have you spoken to any of them privately? Only a guess, but maybe they all buy expensive presents because they are terrified of her sneering if they don't .. I say all this as often the dominant 'leader' of a group is often secretly feared by all but people think its only them that feel that way and keep schtum ... unless someone else is confident enough to make their own separate bid for power: or, marshall the rest to stage a takeover/wotsit (coup d'etat is the posh term for it??). Life is too short, either distance yourself or form a splinter group of any one else you get on with in the group?

I have (a very few luckily) colleagues who i'm not keen on & don't trust; but we have to work as a team. So i'm polite & nice to them but keep conversation strictly on a casual basis & discuss nothing personal.

That's basically what i mean by distant.

There's nothing 'fake' about it - i'm not pretending to be their best mate; just being nice as a colleague / acquaintance should be; but not overly friendly so they don't mistakenly think i want to be any closer than to be a good colleague.

'Fake' is when you make out you are good mates; act like a real friend but bitch behind someone's back.

OP - when a person behaves badly i will say something; i couldn't not. If i knew this woman i would have to ask if everything was ok because she isn't being particularly nice - it could be a wake up call to make her think about her behaviour to you. Or not. Good luck anyway!

Get rid. She sounds massively insecure if she needs that much attention all the time. I get exhausted by people quite easily though.

In a nutshell, you've hardly said a nice thing about her in your OP, so I'd say ditch her, you could do without the stress

Ditch her - if she's a pita now, imagine what she's going to be like when her PFB flies the nest! CLINGY HORROR!

I agree fear works beautufully in groups, fear of being bitched, left out, your child being left out, the list goes on. I think tge expencive gifts was wanting a rare bit of feedback, and them wanting to be the one to please this woman and have everyone know she got the great gift. The insecurity sounds like it is the minions not the queen bea.

I have a friend who brags all the time,is always right, has perfect children and life is so wonderful! Lol, she does drain me, I am very tolerant, she has very few friends so I'm surprised this woman has so many followers, I did distance myself from her and I can deal with her in small doses, I have realised over the years that people like this are not so happy as they seem and there usually saying all this crap to make themselves feel better, make excuses to not get together, or if u have to - spend as much time talking to others, I try really hard to ignore her annoying comments like when she starts, say excuse me and go and see to the kids or go to toilet! And never ask or give her advice, makes it a bit easier to deal with, x

Yep, I know someone like this too! Only the one I know I met on an internet parenting forum when I was pregnant with one of my DCs. She is queen of the forum. Opinions on everything. Everyone thinks she's great. Everyone listens eagerly to her wisdom even though some of it is just quoted straight out of a Gina Ford book. She is absolutely full of herself. She has just the one child but she knows more than all the mums with two, three, four, or more children.

I find it infuriating. She never offers any support to others, just pops on with a post about her wonderful life, the whole forum oohs and aaahs about it, and off she goes again until the next boast.

I am lucky as I don't actually have to have anything to do with her. I don't answer her posts, don't comment on her Facebook page, and just pretend she doesn't exist. I would ditch your friend. You don't have to put up with that shite from anyone.

You don't like her, and she seems to have so many people looking up to her that she may not even notice you have walked off this friendship via the back door.

Just stop paying attention to her, get out of her facebook, that should be ok. If you block her in facebook you would not even be able to see her comments on other friends conversations.