To want to leave my 13 month old for 2 nights with his grandmother to go to a wedding?

[BreakfastEpiphany]

One of my best friends is getting married about a 2 hour drive from where we live. The wedding is over two nights an involves staying in a hotel. My OH and I originally thought it was one night and had agreed to leave our son (who'll be 13 months) overnight at his gran's - who sees him every week and regularly babysits.
My friend then asked if we could stay 2 nights at the hotel and have a bbq the next day - no pressure but it seems lots of people are doing that.
I would just love a couple of days break, Mum is happy to mind the baby, and its a fab hotel.

Now OH is saying 'I don't want to leave the baby for two nights' so we can't stay two nights. The baby can't communicate what is wrong so what if something goes wrong and your Mum can't handle it (a nurse 40 years who raised 2 kids (!)

I just don't know where to go with this. I probably wouldnt have left him when he was a few months old but at over a year I think he would be fine. Also how is one night ok but two nights not?

OH is saying I am putting having fun with my friends ahead of him and the baby because I got so frustrated I said I would stay on and he could go back and get the baby on night two if it was such a big deal

AARRGH

Some people take the attitude that once you become a parent, you should never be separated from your children for any pleasurable reason, and that if you want a bit of child-free time to do adult things like drink some booze, talk some rubbish or dance all night you are a bad parent and selfish. This is tiresome and unhealthy in itself: we raise our children to separate from us and make their own way in life, after all. But I am a little bit concerned that your H seems to be so invested in making sure that you are the one who has minimal fun and a restricted social life. Because if it were only about not wanting DS to be away from home for more than one night and given that H is not as sociable as you, the logical solution would be for your H to go home for the second night, take DS back to the family home and look after him.
And this also coincides with the fact that you are restarting work. I think that your H may need a bit of a gentle prod to remind him that you are a person not just a 'woman' (ie responsible for all domestic work and parenting) and that he, as DS' father, should be doing his fair share of childcare, including some solo childcare while you enjoy some leisure time as well as some work time.

There is NO reasonable or unreasonable about this. It's completely down to what you both feel happiest doing. People feel so differently about their babies and there's no point trying to drag DH away if he's going to be miserable. How awful. You'll have to respect his feelings about wanting to stay one night (how nice to know he cares, though! What freedom that should give you!).

What is very very unreasonable is him trying to judge your being ok for the two nights as selfish. He has absolutely no idea what selfish looks like in this context. To my way of thinking, this has nothing to do with your friend's wedding.

He's mad about something else.

YANBU

Your DH is being U

When DD was tiny my DH posted a similar dilemma on here. So irritating I wanted to pull my teeth out one by one were posts of this variety: "When my DCs were three days out I absailed down the Eiffel Tower on a tea trolley before filling in a shift for a refugee hostel in Burma. DCs were fine TBH."

I agree YANBU. This is your DS's grandmother we're talking about, not some random stranger.

I say go, and if OH feels two nights is too long, then he should be free to come home early and rescue DS from the clutches of the incompetent Granny........

its mean that he can't see the break would be lovely for you both & its a one off! Its only two nights, fair enough if it was 5 or 7 days.
If your mum has offered then go for it, you are two hours away and could always come back if needs be.
good luck and I hope he comes round ;)
Maybe tell your mum you will go over night and try to persuade him to stay the extra. once he has a drink and relaxes a little he might enjoy it and stay the other night.

I think the general consensus is that if he's worried about DS being with his gran for a second night he gets to go home and look after him. If he pikes at that point out to him that he seems to be labelling himself an inadequate carer for his son.

I would be fine with it personally, but if my DH wasn't then I would go for one night

I would hate for him to try and make me do something when I wasn't happy about it and I see it as no different

Yabu, if your dh isn't comfortable with it then it isn't fair to force the issue. I'd go for one night and if it works well I'm sure he'll feel comfortable to go for two nights sometime in the future.

Thanks everyone, I'm still mulling it over before going for round 2 - since the last argument was such a pita (!) we are deliberately avoiding it I think :). I really appreciate all of your responses and the different points of view. Will keep you posted.

YANBU tell your husband to maybe get the train back and you could stay of course your mum can cope with the baby is your dh always so precious ,

I'm usually all for telling parents that they should make the most of opportunities for some time away from their children, and if it were anyone else at all I would say that you should ignore them. However... Your DH is allowed to feel concerned or worried, and you shouldn't dismiss his feelings. But - if you do end up going just for one night, he better be prepared to do the lion's share of looking after your son to give you a bit of a rest.

In France, it's pretty common to leave children of that age with grandparents for weeks on end during the summer holidays.

To me your DH is being U. But I don't think you can just say that to him, tell him how it's going to be, and thus solve the problem. You're only going to get anywhere through talking calmly through the issues and his worries and seeing if you can reach a decision together that you're both happy with.

Your oh is being unreasonable. For goodness sake, this is YOUR mother not some childminder. I have my grandchildren all the time. One has gone back today after coming for a sleepover on Friday. I am the nearest person to their mum and dad. They also love it as mush as I do. Incidentally my children (5 of them ) all stayed at my mums as often as they could and loved it. They all now have very special relationships with both my mum and my dad. Go away and enjoy yourself

Why don't you want to have DC with you for the second bit? Personally I'd miss my DD so much I wouldn't enjoy myself for one night, so can't get my head around you wanting 2 days and 2 nights without them.... YABU, you need to compromise with DH.

He is being unreasonable. Just two night + a child who is old enough.
My friend left her approx 18 month old with his father for more than a week because she had to go on work plus a good friend's wedding. The child was fine! She was on another continent.
So, he is being unreasonable.

I dont think it is unreasonable but you have to fin a middle ground with your hubby. I struggle to leave my dd for longer that 24 hours. I feel like I have a limb missing. The thought of having some me time always seems great until I have it and then I miss her!

You are not being unreasonable.

Go and have fun.

Neither of you are BU to have different feelings on the matter.

However, he is BU in trying to control your behaviour.