to 'unaccept' party invite to go to a wedding?

[smogwod]

we accepted invite to a friend's 40th birthday party a few weeks ago only to now receive an invite to much more disorganised friends' wedding today. I know that if I were to explain to the original friend she would be very gracious and say we should go to the wedding but just how incredibly rude would it it be to even mention it to her?! They're in different parts of the country so unfortunately not possible to go to both, if only!

When is all this happening?

If I'd organised my party well enough in advance to get maximum attendance and then was trumped by a disorganised person sending out their wedding invites at short notice, I'd be pissed off.

Had your wedding friend not mentioned the date at all, or sent a save the date?

I'm with the majority and would go to the wedding and be totally upfront with the 40th birthday friend - it's awkward and annoying of the disorganised friend but most people would understand.

I would stick with the prior acceptance.

The person sending out wedding invitations so late must be aware that there will be people who cannot attend, and may even be counting on that. Or you might be the B-list filler.

I'd go to the wedding and send flowers to the birthday girl.

I would say to the original friend lie that I had forgotten the date of the others wedding and had accepted that prior I her bday party so very sorry but I couldn't attend

It would depend on my relationship with te rde or groom. If a very close friend or a relative I would want to go to the wedding and if it was a relation I would have no problem explaining to the 40th birthday friend.
What is the op's dilemma? Is it that going to a wedding is more fun or is it that she prefers the bride/groom to her 40t birthday friend? We haven't been told.

Are these two friends mutually acquainted?

Is there a danger of several of the 40th b'day crew opting for the wedding and leaving her feeling a little unloved?

A wedding certainly does not 'trump' a 40th birthday, if anything the other way around as the 40th birthday is the only guaranteed once in a lifetime event.

I suggest you find out if there is a free bar at either celebration (including any restrictions, no spirits etc) and find out which will have the better food before making your mind up.

I would say weigh up the cost to you. Wedding = new outfit and big pressie
40th birthhday = new outfit and smaller pressie

A free bar would certainly be a significant consideration...

It has been suggested that the importance of a wedding trumps abirthday.
Strikes me the disorganised friend hasn't deemd it important enough to send her invites out?
I'd be really pissed off at someone changing their mind for a 'better' offer.
I think it's rude tbh.

I suspect the late wedding invitation was because the op was on the reserve list. I've done it myself.

Of course a wedding is more important than a birthday. You have a birthday every year. And significant birthdays - well , 1st, 10th, 16th, 17th, 18th, 21st, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 and possibly more. Most people don't get married that often!

I would go with the friend you are closest to unless you can't badck out of the 40th.

I wouldn't back out of a prior engagement for a wedding unless it was a close family member

I recently declined an invite to my cousins wedding because dd had a commitment which we had to take her too and it was too far away to ask family

The original acceptance should stand or it lo

I suspect the late wedding invitation was because the op was on the reserve list.

Quite possible, yes. Even more good reason to stick with the 40th.

My original thought was that yes we must be on the reserve list but no all invites went out at same time. They had mentioned the date but since its such a small wedding we'd not assumed we'd be invited. There'll be 40 at wedding, 200 at party so more about the principle really.I'd prob have more fun at the party but would rather go to wedding as its a more significant life event

Who is the better friend? They clearly don't know each other, so at least you haven't got that issue which would make it much more complicated than it actually is. You clearly want to go to the wedding - is that because they are a better friend or purely because it is more of a 'special' occasion? What kind of party is the 40th -for instance have you been allocated a place at dinner - would your absence leave them out of pocket? or would it be purely your 'rejection' that would cause any offence rather than a monetary issue. I would be inclined to do the wedding, but with massive apologies - to the birthday person. Just say you'd accepted the wedding invite previously, but hadnt known the date until you recieved the massively late invite. or something...

Can one not go to the wedding and one of you to the party but if no you have to honour the first invite

I planned my wedding 12 months I. Advance but only sent the invitations out 6 weeks before (after telling immediate family the date)hoping some would decline as we had too many!

Well it transpires that 'dh' has already accepted the wedding invitation!! It seems he didn't think to tell me this since he assumed that the wedding would take precedence and it was only when I finally decided that actually we should honour our prior commitment that he thought to mention it.

Perfedct excuse, op!

Can you tell the 40th is my friend and the wedding his??!!

That makes it easier.

You go to the 40th, he goes to the wedding. Huge apologies to hosts of each that there was a muddle.