Is this wrong? Opinions Please.

[ThePieWhoLovedMe]

My child really doesn't want to go to after school care this year. I could get a parent from school to drop him home (we live 4 miles from school - walking it is not possible) on their way home. He would be home at 3.40pm but would be alone until 5.15 ish. Sensible child would have a mobile & good neighbours if he should need them. He is 10 next month (in year 5) and we live in London.

Would you ?

I used to do this back in the 80s/90s.

I'm not sure where you'd stand today though, if SS were to get wind of this.

I personally wouldn't. What are the contingency plans if something goes wrong. Is there a neighbour he can go to? How soon could you get back?

Sorry missed bit about neighbours. I'd still be reluctant.

I was left for a similar period of time at that age with my younger (by 2 years) brother and was fine. That said, I don't know if I would leave ds1 when he gets to that age. There's no law against it but something would just feel a bit wrong to me.

I wouldn't. Is there no local CM who could take him? (i'm sure he'd be no problem for a CM so they'd love to have him).

My ds did this last year (yr5) he walked home alone, let himself in and was alone for about 45mins. Ours was by necessity as I had to drive 8 miles to pick my younger ds from his school. I was really really worried about it and made sure that he knew what to do/ where to go/ who to call in EVERY possible scenario!
The year went perfectly except for a small blip last term when he decided to cook scrambled egg ... But left the tea towel on the hob....! It caught fire. He threw it in the sink, ran the tap and then collected the keys and went to seek help from our neighbours... So... Not only was it fine but even when an incident occurred he dealt with it sensibly and safely.
I guess it depends on each individual child and their level of maturity.

Will the neighbours always be in when he is there alone and will they be officially keeping an eye on him? If yes, I might trial it for a month.

Yeah I would. He's old enough now to cope with being alone for such a short amount of time.
I did it when I was his age because my mum worked.
Was fine.

hmm thank you all for your comments so far. It is a tricky one isn't it. I do not have any worries about my son being mature enough to do this - I am more worried about my own anxieties !!

Depends totally on the child, I think. If you're really confident that he is sensible, wouldn't let anyone in or do anything you've told him not to, then I think it's fine. What about eating? Won't he be hungry when he comes in?

I'm happy to leave my 9 year old at home alone for that length of time, but she has to stay downstairs (so she's not trapped in remote likelihood of fire) and she's not to eat if I'm not here (my paranoia about her choking, although she could choke and die when I'm upstairs, frankly). DD knows all the drills of what to do in case of emergency. She is a child who will quite happily sit on the computer or with a book, not moving or her attention wavering, for hours. I'm soon going to be doing something that will involve me leaving the house suddenly during the day (DD is home educated) and being gone for between ten mins and an hour and a half (max) and I'm happy to leave her for those amounts of time as long as our contingency plans are in place.

I'm sure most responses to this thread with tell you not to do this, however - MN is a very paranoid risk averse place.

Ultimately, you have to make this decision based on the child that you have. Also the house you have, the neighbours you have, the neighbourhood you live in, your perception of risk etc. Mainly though, it's about what you know of your own child - noone here can make that call for you.

I would, and have. Ds is 11 and wouldn't go back to after school club once he was about 8. He would walk home to my mums house (next door). After about a year though he just started letting himself into our house with the spare key, so he could play in his own room.

Well, from Wednesday my DDs (9 an 11) are going to be alone at home from 7.15 onwards, will be taking themselves to school (walking with friends who will arrive at 7.45-ish) and coming back by themselves. DD2 will get home at 3.30-ish, DD1 and friend 20 minutes later, DH will arrive home at 4.20-ish.

They will have mobiles, and the neighbours are around. There will be strict rules about the kind of things they can have for breakfast, and any unwashed dishes left for DH to find will result in serious sanctions.

My sister and I managed at that age, and the streets aren't paved with paedophiles - really. So I'd say go for it. As long as your DS knows what is and isn't allowed snack-wise, he should be fine. DD1 and her friend were doing the walking to and from school the last two weeks of term due to major school bus schedule cock-up, and there were no problems. (Obviously when it gets dark they will all have hi-viz jackets and torches).

I'd just like to echo what euphemia said. I was a latchkey child (aged 9) in a far less risk averse age, years ago. I allowed a schoolmate to come into the house a couple of times and she then started to try to 'blackmail' me into allowing her to come again by threatening to tell my parents she'd been allowed a couple of times already.

It sounds daft but I was really terrified and so so anxious about the whole thing. I would go with your instincts about your own child but be very aware of peer pressure.

I'm happy to retract my statement that most responses would be telling you not to do this!

It's the sort of scenario where all reason and logic says yes, of course that's fine, but then instinct and neurosis and whatever else screams "are you mad?".

My biggest worry wouldn't be him getting up to no good or disasters happening, but him getting spooked and twitchy. Could you do a week's trial and see how he (and you) feel?

Thank you all again. I am a social worker SongBird which might be why I am questioning myself !!

My head says it is ok - but my heart is screaming the 'what if's'

Is there any way you could trial it for a shorter time initially e.g. half an hour to see how he gets on? Alternatively, could the neighbours come round and actually check on him for the first week or so?

Are there any sensible teenagers living on your street? Could you arrange something with a teenage "babysitter" at your house? Then your ds would be at home and he would probably be getting home before them so he would be getting some responsibility.

My ds got a key at same age as your ds. Was in on his own for upto 3 hrs. Was fine. He had rules (no friends in, not using cooker etc) and had neighbours to call on if he needed. He came in, went onto Xbox and was still on Xbox when I got home. Worked fine for us.

jendot your ds sounds great - very calm and capable.

But I agree with Hassled about being spooked - my DGS copes very well on a practical level with being alone but gets very jumpy about imagined dangers, and he's in his teens. It all depends on the child.

I wouldn't do it - but it's illegal here (not the uk!) to leave a child at home alone under the age of 14.

Very much depends on the child and whether you could live with yourself if the one in a million adverse event happened.

Iteotwawki the problem in many parts of the UK is that out of school/breakfast clubs and childminders stop taking children once they turn 12. I don't know what the rationale for this is - there is nothing to fill in the gap, not even if you are - as I have always been - willing and able to pay. It's as if the powers that be think that once children turn 12, their families will magically transform themselves financially so that one parent no longer needs to work, or that part-time jobs which work round school hours will magically appear. Single parent families don't appear to figure in thie 'magical' thinking at all.
If I may ask - what provision is available for under 14 children who have two parents working in your country? Or is that deemed to happen by magic also? It wouldn't surprise me, the authorities the world over don't seem to have a good grasp of the lives of real people.