I know, I KNOW its nothing to do with me, but I still want to ask!!! Should I or just bite my tongue?

[CrapBag]

My brother is getting married next year. I am over the moon and sooooo excited for the wedding.

Before they got engaged, his DP said she had already decided that when they got married DD was going to be bridesmaid. They had discussed getting married before he proposed.

Fast forward to wedding plans (previous conversation was last year) and DD isn't going to be bridesmaid. Ok, I know the bride picks her bridesmaids and that is fine but when she specifically told me she would be, I am wondering why not now. I did just let it go as she has 2 of her friends and her little cousin. Now she has told me that she has my brothers cousins DD (not my cousin, we are technically half brother and sister although we never think like that) as her bridesmaid as well as the others. I must admit, I am a bit miffed about it.

Before, she did tell me that she would like DD to have a dress matching the wedding party (costing £50) that I would be paying for. I found a nice one online and sent her a link asking what she thought of it. She just deleted it and didn't reply to my message.

I have always got on well with my brother and his DF. They come over and visit when they can, the DF invited me out to the meal for her birthday recently. We are all going for a meal this weekend. I just don't understand, it seems like a snub to me. It wouldn't be quite so bad if she even explained why she had changed her mind. I guess I am more miffed now that my brothers cousin once removed is bridesmaid but not his neice.

WWYD?

I had a 3yo girl as a flower girl at my wedding. It didn't cause any fuss at all. She was ever so sweet, walked down the aisle holding adult bridesmaid's hand, then sat with her mum for the service. Afterwards was in the photos etc. So age not an issue if they're old enough to walk - not like they do anything!

Perhaps this lady is feeling embarrassed because of the whole bridesmaid thing, and thus is trying to avoid contact. Maybe bringing it up as part of conversation - saying 'd'you know I'm glad DD isn't bridesmaid after all cos she's really a bit young and it'd have been a lot of faffing about' or something, to put her mind at rest and secure the future relationship between you.

I'd just leave it (re your DD not being a BM)... it'll only cause friction. She is young and will not know. Don't buy the matching dress.

I would let it go as your DD is too young to really be bothered if she is a bridesmaid or not - she will just be excited about a pretty dress. I can understand that maybe you were looking foward to seeing your lovely DD as a bridesmaid so go and buy here a beautiful dress with cute accessories and you can enjoy the lovely complements she gets from other guests.

Thanks for the replies. Yes I will let it go. I just think it would have been courteous for her to actually explain it to me rather than me second guessing.

They did know there would be getting married when DD was very young though. DBro is in the Army and being posted to Afghan next year so they always knew they were going to do it before then.

pehraps her mother talked her out of it. perhaps your dd being so cute will spoil the show that is probably it.

Good idea to let it go, but you're right she was very rude.

It may well have been my thread a few months ago that others are getting confused with and that you have seen. It's a little upsetting but there's not much you can do about it. I had it confirmed yesterday that the two other nieces would be bridesmaids and not my DD, hey Ho. I'll just spit in their champagne, that'll teach them . You do have my sympathies though, I know the bride picks the bridesmaids but it would be nice if she could include your (half (mine too!) brothers family as well.

slarty that must be it.

I know what you mean Benedicts, of all the people from her fiances family she picks his cousins DD and not his actual niece (cousins DD also lives 300 miles away so it makes even less sense, she won't be around for fittings or rehersals).

Just as an aside sometimes I feel as though almost SIL gets a bit cheesed off that DB has an extra family to deal with. Like she has her family, the they have his mum and her family and then our dad blah blah, it's like two families are enough and she can't be harassed with dealing with more people! Any chance your SIL feels the same?

Could be. She is from a very small family. It is just her and her mum at home (DBro lives with them until they get Army accommodation). Nothing to do with her dad or his family. GPs and a cousin, aunt thats about it. She said she only wants 1 child as she had no siblings. DBro has a bigger family, 3 sisters, 1 brother, mum and step dad, dad, loads and loads of cousins etc.

I had to narrow down who I could have, ended up having my DSD, niece and two nephews in the ceremony. Nephews were rig holders for the both of us. I had no idea (because of the set up, that youngest DN was throwing the ring box up into the sir and dropping it throughout the ceremony. Didn't lose the ring, so no worries!

Also, DH's dog walked up the aisle in the middle of all of it and started barking, loudly. Happily one of my nieces was smart enough to grab him and keep him quiet. Lovely gel!

It was a bit of a chaotic wedding, but fun!