To feel upset that ds has not being asked to his firends houses

[lakia]

Okay I suspect I probably am being unreasonable but still I feel its all a bit odd.
I have always arranged for ds's mates to come over have always text the parents of his friends to arrange things always worked okay and on the odd occasions ds has been asked to thiers its always being done between us parents.
I am aware that ds now needs to start doing this himself he is now 11 after all.
I have still asked some of ds;s friends over during this long holiday and they have come without hesitation and seem fine with my ds they get along fine.

The thing that I can,t get my head around is to why my ds is never asked back to theirs and as to why his friends are not asking him either or asking their parents to ask.
Ds has had no invites at all to any of his friends but his firends have all been to each others.
I realise that alot of this has been down to the lads asking for each other phoning each other badgering their parenst to have each other over.
I actually feel quite hurt on ds's part that they haven,t bothered to phone ds.
Ds's very best mate who he has spent alot of time with has constantly phoned someone else but hasn,t bothered to phone ds at all but he is constantly phoning everyone else to arrange stuff I don,t undertand what its all about

I know I really do that ds should be picking up the phone and making an effort but he is a bit backwards in coming forward with this sort of thing.
Do you think that ds needs to find some new friends perhaps.
They are all due to start senior school next week.

Your ds has to put some effort in!

Friendships change at secondary school..maybe they are fed up he's not initiating things.
He's old enough to sort out his social life.

Any reason why he doesn'tring them..lis he relying on you to arrange?

Are you sure he wants to go to other people's houses? He might not, and be using you as an excuse not to go. Or is your house in a better location, nearer a park, or with a good garden or an xbox with lots of games etc that makes the friends want to come to you? Or maybe the other friends just ask more.

What does your DS say about it?

Hi
Mrs Robert
I know I have told him that I think it has got to a point now where he is going to have to do it himself.
Not that he does though maybe he will when he gets older.
Not sure about their being fed up with him as we have always arranged things between parents and I know that its just the one lad his best mate who has only just started picking up the phone himself. Am thinking that these particular friendships have run the course.

Where you're understanding of your DS's shyness other 11yos just won't notice. He needs to ring them.

He will go to others houses but I do suspect that he is more than happy to stay put.
He did overhear me talking about it to his dad not ideal I know and he told me that it doesn,t bother him if he doesn,t go to their houses.
We also live a bit further out making it a little more idfficult for ds to walk to their houses or them to come to ours.
Ds actually asked his mate to try and call for him when they call for each other but so far nothing ds is too anxious at the moment to try and get to them its a fair walk.

I think that this is a funny age - some 11yo DC will be confident enough to make their own arrangements, and aghast at the thought of a parent being involved in any way, whilst many (including my own) still need an adult to get the ball rolling.

So I would suggest a compromise - you suggest a day that you are free, or an activity that you are happy to taxi to, and then get your DS to make the calls.

IME, after doing this several times, people begin to reciprocate.

I actually feel quite hurt on ds's part that they haven,t bothered to phone ds.

But does he feel upset? perhaps he's thankful he no longer has managed "play-dates" and can spend his time chilling.

Even my ultra gregarious DS2 has barely been out this summer holiday - he just likes his down time

Sorry X post. In that case I would say that 11yo boys can be a bit lazy, and his friends aren't calling for him because you live that bit further away. My DS heads out to find a friend to hang out with, and returns home once he has found one, so those that live furthest away rarely get a visit - nothing personal, he just knocks on doors in the order that he passes them

YANBU to be upset. Your DS sounds rather like me, I often see photos of people's days out on fb and think oh why did they invite x and not me and dc. And then I realise that I rarely suggest days out with anyone so why would they think of me when they're having one?

If I have a quiet night when DH is away I look forward to a quiet night, other friends immediately invite 6 or 8 girls round for drinks (normally including me to be fair). I think I am just not as sociable as a lot of people and 'forget' to make the effort half the time. I can't therefore moan about people doing things without me can I?!

Not saying your DS is like me but sometimes others give up asking if you don't ask back.