to want my parents to put me first for one weekend?

[freemanbatch]

ok I know I'm a grown woman and my parents can do what they want really.

I live a long way away from them and was supposed to be going to visit for the weekend. It's less than a month since I split form my abusive ex and I have no one, no friends or family around where I currently live to talk to or who could take the kids for a bit so I can have some rest so I'm doing it all myself. my brother and sister live only a few miles away from my parents and are at my parents almost every day and mum still picks up sisters kids from school everyday so they see them a lot. When I told my family about the split, my brother text ex to tell him what a nice guy he was and how he'd like to keep in touch and catch up now and then while I got a simple oh dear what a shock and I haven't heard anything from him since. My sister took the opportunity to tell me how hard her split from her husband was and how horribly un-supportive I had been because I said that if the only way her kids could attend a party on daddy's weekend was for him to come then he could. I did pay her bills and visit her house and look after her kids when I was down at my parents so I don't think I did too badly for being 100 miles away.

This weekend was supposed to be just me and the kids and my mum and dad, a bit of a chance for me to relax having other people around to do things, be able to talk to other adults when I wanted to and maybe to discuss a few things that had gone on with the ex.

This morning I asked about a few things I thought we were doing and was informed that my brother was staying for the weekend and sister was coming to visit for the day on Sunday.

I know that it's my mum and dad's house and they can do what they want really but AIBU to want one weekend with my parents right now where I don't have to put up with my siblings and all their nastiness?

I agree with Wowserz, tell your parents you were hoping to see them without your siblings so you could discuss everything with them. They will not have a clue.

yanbu at all - tell your parents that you won't come with siblings there and is there a weekend they have totally free - let them know exactly how upset you are and remind them of what you have been through and that you are at breaking point and are desperate for their support - maybe see if your mum can come to you this weekend and your dad stays with siblings.

do not worry about any friction caused as no one has considered you anyway imo

I think AnyoneforTurps has probably goy it right:
'Parents often have a completely starry-eyed view of the relationships between their adult children.'

I'm one of three, and even when there has been serious tension between a couple of us, my parents always seem to believe that all it will take is a few days together, a few shared visits and we will all be romping merrily together like puppies.
They are deluded rather than intentionally stubborn.

YAB bit unreasonable, i think avoiding everyone is only going to entrench the resentment, you will have time to talk to your parents,you are there all wknd, maybe your siblings want to see you? they know you're coming, so surely wouldn't want to come round for a ding dong would they? (or would they?!) go and see how the land lies, have a break,see your mum and dad,and deal with the rest as it comes, you're right, don't take any crap,but wouldn't it be nice to go home after patching things up? good luck

'What happened to the lady who was going to take her MIL to Australia?'

I think we stopped being able to abandon annoying relatives on the other side of the world a while back. 1868 to be exact.

I don't think you're unreasonable AT ALL. I live far away from home whereas my siblings all live 10mns away from my parents.
I would be really upset if the one time I went to stay for help and support I basically didn't get it.
Your parents should have told your siblings that you were going through a tough time and needed them for two days.

As for your brother? Family comes first. Even if he liked your ex it's beside the point. Your ex was abusive- his loyalty should be totally to you without reservation.

I feel v sad for you.

I think it's very sad that you feel it's safer to rely on no-one but yourself. :(

(((((HUGS))))) op - sounds like you need them.

Gosh SundaeGirl and Worra, I'm still stuck at wondering...did you read the OP?!

Freemanbatch I would describe both your sister and brother's attitude and behaviour towards you as nasty.

I'm guessing there is some history there, perhaps of excessive sibling rivalry and competitiveness?

They are now putting you down and belittling your situation [are you the youngest by any chance?] And your brother extending the hand of friendship to your abusive ex partner when he knows the situation, well words fail me! If that's not nasty I don't know what is!

I agree with posters who say your parents may be completely oblivious to your feelings around this. perhaps they felt you might welcome your siblings presence and support at this time?

I would discuss this with your parents, just be honest. tell them you are not up to socialising with siblings at this time, you just want some time and space to lick your wounds so to speak, with your parents there for practical and moral support.

I hope your parents can understand this. You're going through a tough time at the moment and don't need your siblings and their digs right now.

Thank you for all the replies to this last week, it cleared a few things in my head and made me look at the whole experience in a different fashion.

I went for the weekend having spoken to my dad who begged me to go and promised that although he had screwed up a lot over the last god knows how long with allowing my siblings to get away with things he was determined to make things better for me when I visit although it might take him time to get it anywhere near sorted.

A friend suggested I play annoying person bingo while I was there in an attempt to laugh at people's stupidity and nastiness instead of getting upset and it really worked so it's a method I will be using next time I see them as well!

Brother eventually stayed till Sunday morning, just announced he was and that was that, sister arrived less than an hour after he left and was there until I went to bed and I left first thing Monday morning, kids hardly slept at all and I got no opportunity to talk to anyone about anything BUT as I realised last week I'm better off sorting things out myself rather than relying on anyone else that way its a happy bonus when someone helps me out rather than the end of the world because they let me down.

Sorry you got so little support over the weekend.

I play the 'bingo' game as well when I'm around my family.