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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 'what about me!'

14 replies

cashmere · 28/08/2012 23:10

My sis and I don't have a great relationship. She has also been a bit stressed recently.
However, Im now 6 months pregnant and beyond a 'Congrats' on finding out she hasn't asked once how bump or I am.

I've (sadly) counted the last 3 moaths texts- I've sent 17 asking about her weekend/holiday/work/birthday she's er replied.
AIBU to think she could say 'and how are you feeling?'
DH thinks so as he says she won't change and I should accept people as how they are!

OP posts:
tartyflette · 28/08/2012 23:17

She has never replied to your texts at all? Do you speak on the phone as well or is texting your only method of communication? If it is, I think your DH is right, she is not going to change. What's going on in her life is clearly more important to her than replying to you.
It's up to you whether you want to continue to bother with her, or to give her some leeway due to her recent stress and see how things are in a few months. I'd stop texting her, there doesn't seem to be much point. And it may make her think 'Oh, haven't heard from Cashmere for a while, wonder how she is.'

Original poster
cashmere · 28/08/2012 23:20

She does reply- as in answers what I've asked- but doesn't then ask after me. It's prob just me being pregnant and sensitive.
She should be sorted soon so I'll back off with the texts.
Must have needed a quick rant to brave AIBU!

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 28/08/2012 23:45

Why don't you ever phone her? I used to have a difficult relationship with one of my sisters and TBH, it got to the stage where I just thought "sod it, I'm not going to bother making an effort anymore". It was quite cathartic.

I think you do need to back off a bit and maybe see if she changes once her DN is on the outside.

violetbunny · 29/08/2012 09:01

My sister is like this too, always has been. Almost never asks how I am, even if she knows I have been ill or something. I once called her out on it and she got all huffy. I pretty much just accept that this is how she is now. I don't think it's that she doesn't care, it just doesn't occur to her to talk about anything other than herself!

slartybartfast · 29/08/2012 09:08

A LOT OF RElationships are like that. i remember wanting to tell my sister my birthstory with pfb. and she didnt want to know, despite having 2 herself. some people dont find pregnancy/birth interesting.
does she have dc?

slartybartfast · 29/08/2012 09:09

perhaps she just doesnt know what to say about being pregnant. i think i might be lost for words tbh. the main event IS the baby.

NCForNow · 29/08/2012 09:12

How old is she?

Original poster
cashmere · 29/08/2012 09:41

She's mid thirties and is unlikely to change. I just get annoyed. I don't know if it just doesn't cross her mind to ask or if she doesn't like the focus not to be on her.

It's my 2nd child and she was the same last time.
It could be baby related as she doesn't 'like kids'. As far as I know no fertility issues as she's always said she's not ready and still using contraception so can't be trying.

Without drip feeding its the same whatever happens in my life though. Something horrific happened to my ex husband recently and after 1 text and 1 phonecall it's not been mentioned. I know she's talked to her mates about as I've heard via Mum that x and y burst into tears on hearing. I guess she might not know what to say. Could ask about baby though.

Anyway as DH says she is who she is. I either need to ask after her without expecting her to show an interest in me or not bother at all.

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 29/08/2012 09:46

just dont wait for her to ask. TEll her aobut yourself.
or not.

Ephiny · 29/08/2012 09:57

I agree with your DH. She's said congratulations, from her point of view there probably isn't anything else to say.

As you say yourself, you don't have a close relationship anyway. She's not going to suddenly start fawning over you just because you're pregnant, especially if she isn't particularly interested in babies etc.

You sound a bit needy.

Original poster
cashmere · 29/08/2012 10:12

I wouldn't say needy and I don't expect her to fawn over me. The last couple times I've seen her for a family weekend my pregnancy hasnt been mentioned at all.
I ask my friends about all sorts of things that aren't particularly intetesting to me, it's a normal thing to do. This might be about holidays, decorating, work, whatever.

I could just tell her my news and sometimes do. It's just she rarely

thinks to ask.

OP posts:
Original poster
cashmere · 29/08/2012 10:14

Anyway I'm going to step away now as it's not a new issue and I only posted when in rant mode. Toddler is harassing me and has learnt to say 'mummy put your phone down'!!

OP posts:
A1980 · 29/08/2012 10:33

She sounds like my sister. only my sister is worse. she is rude and at the age of 36 she still pokes fun at.my weight and.calls me names. She thinks the world if.herself though. I no longer want to listen to it so I don't contact.her. the last email I got showing off about.her upcoming holiday was deleted with no reply.

Either accept that she's not going to change or cut.her out. I found it easier to do the latter.

squeakytoy · 29/08/2012 10:37

sounds like she just isnt chatty, and not interested in mundane texts or the minute details of other peoples lives..

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