Ok, very very long story - my fiance has fallen out big time with his parents for something that sounds quite silly but has seriously affected us emotionally.
When we announced we were getting married, the mother in law told me we were not to invite a certain aunt. I just ignored it, and my fiance and I decided we were inviting whoever we wanted, no one can put demands on our wedding day.
The in laws and the aunt apparently fell out because the aunt organised a party the in laws could not attend and did not rearrange it. Well I say fell out, rather the in laws complained to everyone else but the aunt, so the aunt knew nothing of what she had done wrong.
A few months ago my fiance visited his parents, and they asked if this aunt was invited, he said she was. They said if the aunt was invited they, the in laws would not attend our wedding! His mother screamed and shouted at him, told hurtful things like I had been saying nasty things behind my fiances back and his father kicked him out the house.
What my fiance rightly pointed out that his father runs a family owned business alongside this aunt, and he is willing to do that in a professional manner, yet won't attend our wedding if the aunt is there.
Since then we have not been round to the house but his father has come round once and it seems they now want to come to the wedding but we have not sent them an invite...his father did not apologise but said if they are not invited, then my fiances grandparents would not come either..which sounded like he was trying to put a terrible guilt trip on us.
Despite this the grandparents who live abroad are very elderly and we knew could not make the trip anyway due to bad health.
The day after this visit, his father sent us a text to say he wanted clarification that I had asked would they attend if they were invited, however my fiance said they were not invited...I was exasperated as I had NOT said this at all!
His father actually said to me they didn't want to come to our wedding anyway!
Occasionally we'd received texts about some post being at their house, or to return some books, or did we want something they'd found in their house back, we just ignored these.
On my fiances birthday, they did not even send a happy birthday message to their own son! And they have had family celebrations that we have not been invited to.
Recently I had sent a letter to my grandparents in law who live abroad, I had written a letter that I understand they couldn't make the wedding but at some point afterwards, we would like to visit them.
The grandmother had been asking my fiance why the in laws were not invited to the wedding, and whatever it was we should forgive them. She did not know the reason why, and my fiance did not want to tell her because she would get upset and its been caused by her two children falling out.
Eventually my fiance told her by telephone what the falling out was about and she was very upset.
A few days later father in law telephoned me from a blocked number (which had never done before) and was rather short, asking me if my fiance knew I had written this letter, I was stunned, and felt his phone call was a little bit sneaky and the fact I had written a nice letter to his mother was none of his concern..I was confused as to what he actually wanted. I could hear my mother in law in the background too.
He said my fiance was refusing to talk to her, I said no, he had spoken to her on the telephone the other day, but for obvious reasons did not want to tell her and have her upset. Father in law didn't know that my fiance had spoken to her, and he was surprised to hear that from me, and he ended the conversation.
I was confused that if he wanted to know if my fiance knew I had sent a letter, why didn't they ask him directly...it seemed very contrived.
Later I then sent him a message to not contact me again, as it was very upsetting to have to explain myself to him, and his telephone call was unnecessary. I only want people in my life that love and care about us. In fact I felt like it was harassment especially since the number was blocked.
That was the last we heard from him.
There are other issues that we have had with the in laws which have upset us, but we have let go, but the ultimatums we had regarding our wedding day was the last straw.
I feel they are toxic people and they are very negative to be around, they are always talking about other people behind their backs, and causing arguments between people saying so and so said this about you etc...it's very playschool.
We get married this saturday. I recently found out I am 7 weeks pregnant. My fiance has explicitly told me not to speak his in laws and he does not want to tell them we are having a baby.
My feelings are the same, but are we being too harsh?
Any thoughts?