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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be hypothetically a little upset over a wedding

43 replies

toysoldiers · 28/08/2012 11:32

I know, I know, I know another wedding thread and I really am only posting on here so I don't have to say anything out loud to anybody in real life.

My niece is getting married soon. We are very close and always have been, she is very close to my DSs.

She is having 5 bridesmaids, 3 of her friends and the 2 daughters of my cousin (so technically they are her second cousins), although she isn't particularly close to him or his wife.

However, there isn't a role for either of my DS. I know the window on the page boy is much much shorter than for a bridesmaid but I still feel a little hurt that they have been left out.

I realise they would probably rather die than get dressed up in front of people so it is all in my head really.

Feel free to slap and move on.

OP posts:

Original poster

toysoldiers · 30/08/2012 15:32

Normally I hate taking my children to weddings, so I completely understand that stance.

It's more that this is the closest family wedding I will have apart from my own children's, and my cousin's children will be seen as more important to her.

But I accept it is entirely me being a prima Donna.

I suppose I should be grateful they've been invited at all.

OP posts:

lazarusb · 30/08/2012 15:45

Your 8 year old could be the best man.....

Not that I'm trying to stir of course!

ShiftyFades · 30/08/2012 15:47

Oh no toy please don't think like that. I genuinely think it's down to the "both aren't suited in age to take either of the potential "male" roles"

Might have been better for you if she'd said "can't see 8 yo wanting to be a page, nor the 5yo being an usher", but maybe she felt too ashamed uncomfortable to bring it up with you.

You are not being a primadonna at all

LeftTheBlimminWashingOutAgain · 30/08/2012 15:47

i think it is really to do with them being girls and your children being boys, but not in a bad way. it is generally assumed that giirls will have more interest in weddings and will enjoy loooking back at the photos when older whereas most boys couldn't give two hoots. also a lot of brides (without children and the knowledge of how frustrating they can be) want to have flower girls and will look for the closest friend or member of family who can provide them (i know this was certainly true for 3 of the weddings my daughter was flowergirl at). no one is going to assume anything. don't take it to heart.

3monkeys3 · 30/08/2012 16:05

I don't think YABU to feel a bit upset, but there isn't a great deal you can do about it - it is her choice at the end of the day. My sister is getting married next year - I am chief bridesmaid and my DD is a bridesmaid too, but my two boys (who will be 5 and 2 by the time of her wedding) don't have a role. I had a pang of sadness about it, but am ok really - it means I only have to handle one of them, while dh will have two . What I mean to say is, I understand how you feel, but it's not the end of the world - just get yourself over it and enjoy her day.

oscarwilde · 30/08/2012 16:14

Ha ha - I regularly (at least 6 times a year) witness my MIL being castigated for allowing her two sons to be dressed up in velvet knickerbockers and ballet shoes to be pageboys at her sisters wedding. They are both in their late 30's now and it's still not forgotten. Be grateful

sue52 · 30/08/2012 16:27

I've been to a great many weddings because I am from a massive family. I can only recall 2 that had pageboys. I'd give mnyself a good talking to if I were you. YABU.

Adversecamber · 30/08/2012 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katienana · 30/08/2012 18:10

I got married last year and had daughters of cousins, 1 from each side as flowergirls. They were brilliant and looked very cute. I asked dh if he wanted.our nephews (his sisters boys) to be pageboys and he said no. it is a bit of a pointless role imo so I was fine with that. On the day the boys had a great time and were on family photos and were very helpful fetching me some water when I was about to pass out from the heat!
Boys were 8 and 5 funnily enough and I would.not have felt right having just 1 of them.

chrisdriver · 30/08/2012 18:15

Focus your energies on making the owl outfits Nagoo suggested. Way more fun for everyone.

You'll have a great day, just enjoying being there as a family, and not having to worry about them performing. Owl costumes or not.

redwineformethanks · 30/08/2012 18:29

I asked my nieces to be bridesmaids, but not my nephew, then aged 5. I don't love him any less than the others, but felt he was a bit young to be told to stand still, keep quiet etc.

Don't take it personally

(slap)

JamieandOscarSittinginATree · 30/08/2012 18:30

I really don't think most 5 year old boys give a flying fish about weddings. She's doing you a favour

JamieandOscarSittinginATree · 30/08/2012 18:32

As an aside. I have 2 boys and I have to say I find the whole bridesmaid thing a bit tiresome Like it's the highlight of any girls life. Getting in the Bridezilla thing nice and early

Please slap me if you disagree.

Original poster

toysoldiers · 30/08/2012 20:52

Jamie I actually agree.

I would like them to be part of the wedding because they are very close and she is important to them (and vice versa), not because they'll look cute in photos or play dressing up. But girls trump boys because of the whole princess bollocks!

But I shall think no more about it and smile smugly to myself when the reality of the 3 year old flower girl dawns.

OP posts:

Original poster

toysoldiers · 31/08/2012 12:02

I told DH.

He looked bewildered and a little frightened!

OP posts:

perella · 31/08/2012 12:08

I got more annoyed when my little girl was constantly asked! It was like they were just hiring her out, they didn't really want her to be there if you know what I mean!

Margerykemp · 31/08/2012 12:08

Do many weddings have page boys these days?

They can still get dressed up nice for the photos.

NoComet · 31/08/2012 12:11

I didn't have any ushers so I got my flower girls 12y brother to direct people and give out program's etc.

He doesn't remember, I'm not sure boys care.

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