To feel I'm not being treated like a friend, but like an appointment with the dentist?

[NigellasGuest]

Have had 2 brusque phone messages from old friend who likes to be uber-organised. Basically, each message demanding asking me to get in touch because she is sorting out her diary and wants me plus family over. Not because she wants to see us, but because she "wants to get something in the Diary." This reason was given both times... I haven't replied yet because I don't know how I feel about it. Perhaps I'm being a bit over-sensitive. How would you feel? AIBU?

Well it's difficult for us to judge her 'tone' as we obviously haven't heard the messages. But it's hard to see the problem really - clearly she does want to see you, otherwise why invite/contact you at all, and the diary thing presumably is just that she likes to plan ahead and be organised (which some people do, regardless of whether they work full-time or not).

Not sure what her holidays, clothes etc have to do with anything . Are you a bit jealous of her?

It sounds like you don't much like her tbh. In which case you don't have to go, or indeed be friends with her any more, if you don't want to.

not jealous, no.. I just gave that info as people were saying Is she a busy working mum & all that stuff.

I don't know, it's just that EVERY other friend I have makes me feel like they'd love to see me when they issue invites, and I do hope I do the same to them too. I would never leave a message in a "short" tone of voice saying basically get back to me asap because I want my diary organised.

Oh well, we are all different. I just hope I don't come across like that, that's all.

well, if she doesn't live near you, hten it will need planning. If she wants to see you and your DH with her DH as well (or even, when her DS's are at home), she's probably not got a lot of options and wants to prioritise you in that time.

DH works probably at least one day 2 weekends a month, he also mountain bikes and often has races on thursday nights or Saturdays or Sundays. I probably have on a given month, 2-3 days when we could do lunch with guests (when DH is free for the whole day, not arriving at 12:30 after being racing that morning, or having to rush off to be at work for 3pm or such like), and at any given moment, have a list of about 10 couples I really feel we should be meeting up with, and do try to schedule them in. When I know DH has a free weekend, i will try to call and get things confirmed, that might be a month in advance, it's not 'booking an appointment' more 'if I try to do it on the last minute, it's unlikely we'll all be available'.

I would love her life. Bloody good for her.

Yabu

I don't expect her to see me at no notice, nor do I envy her her life. Mine life is pretty good, too.
Like I said, other friends do not come across like this, busy or not. I guess some people are simply more polite than others. I have decided to accept her attitude and be grateful that my other friends are more pleasant to deal with. Thank you, everyone.

If your friend makes you feel bad then I suggest you end the friendship and spend time with folk who make you feel happy instead.
If this is the only problem in your friendship then either accept it or take her to task.
It honestly seems very straightforward to me and I cannot see why it is a big deal?

Do people still keep diaries? I thought they went out with the 80's filofax.

Sometimes people say 'diary' when they mean Outlook or Google calendar or something, it's not always literally a paper diary (though I'm sure plenty still use those as well!)

Im a busy gal with an 80 mile commute, demanding job, nocturnal toddler and busy social life. And I´d never try to "diarise" my friends. I do find it obnoxious.

To give some background, no she's not working full-time. In fact she doesn't have a job outside the home at all. She has 2 sons who attend a major public school (boarding) and 2 cleaners. Her main hobby is clothes, and she has her hair blow dried weekly at a salon. She has about 6 foreign holidays a year, with and without children

She sounds busy if she organises 6 holidays a year hence the need to book something definite with you.

I know what you mean about the tone rather than the actual text, OP.

I'm about as sensitive as Boris Johnson but I have a female family member who always puts my back up when she calls or leaves messages as they are quite aggressive and pressurising. I once rang her and gave her a date six weeks away to come to ours for Sunday lunch with her dh and kids and she said 'Can you do something sooner, that's ages away - we can do X, X, X Sunday' and I felt like saying 'Fuck off if you were inviting me to your house, I'd say yes or no and thanks very much'. And it was the brusque, demanding tone. Then when she did come she came without two of her three children without even bloody telling me beforehand. Grrr.