to be too embarrassed to tell my mother I am in a relationship?

[weirdtobeembarrassed]

I have two young children and after a very respectable period of being single, I have met somebody. I have tried to tell my mother a few times but I always lose my nerve. She has unknowingly looked after the children while I've been with him, but only a few times. Most of the time I get a babysitter. My mother has said things over the last few years like 'you just want to concentrate on the children' or 'the last thing you need is another relationship'. I know the last relationship was a disaster and I did need a lot of support from her. But I am well into my 30s, ok, nearly 40! I should be able to tell her. And if she makes a cats bum lips face I should be able to deal with that too. I'm not introducing the children to a long line of unsuitable characters so she has no worries there. People will say 'oh just tell her'. Why am I so afraid of her disapproval, disappointment, fear, judgement, interest.

You don't need to tell anyone.

I avoid telling me my mum for the opposite reasons. She's the type who wants to meet them straight away. If I told her I met someone on a night out she would want me to ask them for dinner at hers the next day!

So I avoid telling her until its time to meet the parents! You are old enough to make the decisions your self. You could wait til you know this relationship is gping somewhere for sure before you mention anything.

don't tell her unless/until you want to.
no-one has a right to know about your private life. you make the choices.
you are very wise to take it slowly and not get any part of your family involved. maybe one day you will want to, but why rush.
just enjoy. be happy.

When I discovered I was pregnant very early on in a relationship that I hadn't told many people about, I just started dropping his name into conversation like he'd been part of my life for ages.

When I told them I was pregnant two months later, they didn't even think to question how long we'd been together.

Could you try something like that? Drop his name into conversation, maybe with the names of friends she knows. And then when she twigs (hopefully a wee while later) feign surprise that she didn't know and say 'but I'm always talking about him'

Although I suspect she'll maybe be quicker to twig than my colleagues.

Don't tell her until the relationship becomes more serious.

None of your mum's business. when I was single I never discussed my sex life with my parents. One of the good things about having your own place is you don't need to discuss your movements with your parents.
You may need to pay for a babysitter more when you go out if she's inclined to interrogate you about what you are up to when she babysits.

Ooh I'm soo on the same page as you! You don't need to tell her. You don't need to tell anyone. Tell who you feel comfortable and trustworthy with.

2rebecca, do you discuss your sex life with your parents when you aren't single?

Can't imagine anything worse!

If it's a relationship, it's not exactly discussing your sex life, is it?

Obviously you don't have to tell her anything, but if she's babysat when you've seen him, what does she actually think you're doing? Have you lied to her? Because if this relationship lasts then surely she'll ask when and where you met? (I would!).

Won't she just be pleased for you? (I would!)

Absolutely, don't tell her unless it becomes so serious that he is meeting the dc and you're ready to move in/marry. I was dating DH for 3 years before he met the parents! My mum is the opposite of yours though, instead of telling me not to have a relationship she'd be over-keen and start interrogating him about his job security, home, his intentions with me etc .

I probably dated about 15 men between splitting with my DS1's dad and meeting DH but as far as my mum knows I was single for years then suddenly found DH .

No I don't but I didn't tell my parents about boyfriends until i had been going out with them for several months. I loved them both (mum now dead) but have never been inclined to discuss my private life with them. Some people seem to discuss everything with their parents and don't seem able to paint the spare room without running the colour scheme by them. I like my privacy. I may discuss this sort of thing with my sister.
I also used to hate meeting boyfriends' parents so was happy for them to keep things quiet as well.

I agree, don't tell her at this point. I'm thinking of the interrogation I got from my father because my sister met someone after divorcing.

Wait until you are both sure the relationship has a solid future and then tell her, but don't do it face to face if that makes you nervous, phone her instead and drop it into conversation.