To worry I could never live another child as much as my first?

[louloutheshamed]

I have a ds 19 mo. for a while dh and I have been discussing ttc dc2 in te new year, as his would give us about a 3yr gap (don't think I could cope with anything smaller) and I would be 'done' having babies before I'm 30. I am well aware that it might not all work out like this by the way!

However, recently I have been feeling unsure, as I honestly don't think I could love another child as much as ds. I know people say this is normal but I feel it may run deeper than that. My ds is so amazing, and when I envigase me with another baby I just sort of feel resentful of it. I have even had dreams where I have had another baby and have been disappointed that it wasn't as good as ds!

I know this is ridiculous but I also sort of feel that if it was a girl it would be easier as t would be different and I wouldn't be comparing them as much, but am more worried about the prospect of another ds, as I just don't k ow how he could live up to my ds now. I must sound horrible saying this!

At the same time, I am excited by the prospect of ttc, I loved being pg and I don't feel our family is complete yet. But is the fact that I am having these feelings mean that I am not ready to ttc? Will I ever be?

Yanbu to worry about it - I think it's a common concern.
However, believe it or not (and I couldn't, until it happened) it's true what the others say - your love is not halved, but doubled.

You cannot know this until you experience it. Which you WILL. x

Love just expands- there isn't just so much to go around.

I thought I couldn't love anyone more than DD. I didn't bond with DS straightaway when he was born. Then one day I was feeding him when he was about 6 weeks and I was overcome with this rush of love. It was very emotional.

I love DD and DS in their own beautiful ways now. What you feel is very normal.

When I was expecting DC2, DH used to get in a real state about just this. he was so worried that he would not love the new baby as much, or thta it would mean he would love DC1 less. But honestly, as others have said, the amount of love you have to give increases. You won't love DC1 any less but you will find you have just as much love left over for your new arrival. It's a bit like that old fairy story where the old lady finds the purse that has just a few coins in it. However much she spends, there are always the same number of coins left in the purse.

Our DCs are adults now and I can honestly say that we love them equally.

We've all been there, I think.

Dh and I were just laughing today about how,before you have your second, you can't imagine having a new lovely person, you just imagine a another little DC1. Then you meet your second, in our case entirely different DC2 and fall in love all over again.

It's understandable, I mean, could you have imagined loving your ds quite as much as you evidently do now? The actual bond with kids is generally a lot lot stronger than the hypothetical one.

my dc3 is 7 months but i felt just like this after my first. you will love all your dcs for different reasons. with your 2nd dc you have the added pleasure of seeing your ds fall in love with and build a relationship with his db or dsis. that really is amazing and for me the best part of having dc2+3.