To have a quick whinge about MIL

[WheresTheCat]

I will then!

MIL and niece are staying with us for a few days. Niece spends much of her time with MIL (they live a few hours away from us) whereas my DD and SD don't see her much.
Niece gets away with everything, MIL snaps at DD and SD all the time. Niece is 15, my SD is 9, and DD 7 (all her grandchildren)

This morning, we were going out and it looked like rain. So, my two said could they take their wellies in case it rained. No, said MIL, no one wants to carry your wellies round. Five minutes later, niece said she didn't know what shoes to wear. Oh wear those and I'll carry your wellies, says MIL.

This afternoon, I bought them all an ice cream. SD couldn't manage all hers (she had a good try) and MIL snapped at her for choosing one she couldn't manage. DN decided (after eating half of hers) that she didn't like it - and MIL went and bought her a different one, as apparently I should have known that that particular ice cream wasn't nice.

Just GRRR really.
Feel free to join my moan!

That is so sad

Rant away

Please tell me you are pulling her up over this behaviour.

I'd tell her to fuck off home, the partisan old bat. I have zero time for people who play favourites with children.

Sympathy, we have similar with MIL and my DBIL's son and my 2 kids.

I don't rise to it now and don't even roll my eyes to DP about it but it did really hurt for a few years.

But it's her issue and my 7 yr old is now picking up on it and has started showing preference for other relatives who enjoy his company and give him their time and energy.

My DP did pull her up on this when our eldest was a toddler but nothing changed. Her loss cos' my kids are actually good fun to hang around with.

I second eosmum's comment. It will not stop till you do.

sympathies - have a mil who favours her other grandchildren. It hurts but her loss as we see her as little as possible now

Unfortunately, the children will see it for themselves before long.

I would have to say something about the inequality, even if it caused a row.

How horrible!
I would see her as little as possible tbh

YANBU but have you spoken to her about it? Maybe something along the lines of "It's great that you're able to spend some time with DN but did you realise that you treat her differently to DD and SD? I don't want the kids to feel resentful towards their cousin and that's a real possibility".

If it helps, my grandparents were at this all the time with my cousins. My sister and I don't bother with the grandparents at all now. They're all excited I have a DD and another DC on the way. They've made two drop in visits to my parents and have asked both times if my mother can call me and get me to drop everything and bring DD up. "why", asked my mother, "bellyjaby is in her 30s and you've not been interested in until now". I love it when my mum is bitchy!

They live in Ireland and us in England btw, so they can't even be bothered to warn my mum before they get on a flight. I live just over an hours drive away from my parents but I can't drive - its a good 2-3hrs on public transport. If they really wanted my aunt was willing to drive them to mine. Neither time they've been that bothered.

I've had this type of favouritism from both side of my parents family, but in both cases there were goodish reasons for the grandmothers behaviour.

They both felt put upon but stepped into the breach regardless, which looking back I think was definitely the right thing to do.

Obviously they're going to have closer relationships with the GC they see more of, and that must be horrible when you see a comparison between the closer child and your own and your own come off worse.

Could there be reasons for her to be extra attentive to your DN? 15 is a pretty weird age for some children, maybe she talks to your MIL about stuff she can't say to her parents?

If you don't see your MIL much I would play it down to your children if they notice, but I must admit I didn't notice any differences at the time and don't remember it ever upsetting me, but it did upset my mum lots.

We see her so rarely that I don't think there's much point in saying anything - it would just cause a rift. Luckily DD and SD don't notice as far as I'm aware.
Niece made vomiting noises at the table when she smelt fish cooking (poor thing doesn't like fish said MIL) SD got told off for not eating every last piece of broccoli.

Humph. Never mind. Just gives me an escuse to spoil my two :)