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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fecking birthday presents

24 replies

ReindeerBollocks · 26/08/2012 17:47

I'm in a huff. It was my birthday just over a week ago, I gave DH lots of ideas, such as perfume etc. I did specify that a ring would be nice (never really got an engagement ring, so something along those lines), but not to worry if that was a stretch.

On my birthday he had an itinary of things we would do, mostly shopping and eating out. The children were being minded, and it was a lovely idea. Except that's all it was, an idea. He got called into work and the day just never happened.

A week on, and he still hasn't got me anything. I needed to work this afternoon so he took the kids out to find me something. He came back with a small box of chocolates and a moan about not finding anything else nice, which would be great but the only present I got for my birthday was a large selection of chocolates from my DM.

I am peeved that he hasn't bothered. We have had a real tough two years and I've supported him through some harsh times, and I feel a bit unappreciated.

FWIW, i know some couples don't do birthdays or that birthdays aren't as important when your parents. But that's not the case for us, we I do presents. So am I being unreasonable in my wanting of presents?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 26/08/2012 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/08/2012 17:52

You will get people telling you YABU because for some reason people think we should all be martyrs. I don't think that though. You didn't get a day with him, as arranged and he couldn't be arsed to get you presents, however small. I think it is mean of him. He knew it meant something to you and didn't bother.

scentednappyhag · 26/08/2012 17:54

I don't think YABU, mainly because he lead you to believe he'd be doing something nice for you, and then never did.
My family do presents too, so I see where you're coming from.

DoMeDon · 26/08/2012 17:54

YANBU - he has shown little respect/love for you imo. I would be upset and I would show DH your post.

ReindeerBollocks · 26/08/2012 17:56

thanks, cannot believe he came home with chocolates - I have loads of chocolates!

We were on holiday for his birthday, and we did something nice, and he came home to presents too.

Ungrateful git, I'm close to striking him off my christmas card list Grin

OP posts:
JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 26/08/2012 17:57

He went out and couldnt find you anything.

TBH, the only people I know who set great store on presents and make a holy fuss of Valentines day are those who are in the first flush or love, or terribly insecure in their relationship and need something tangible to prove their partner cares.

I'll settle for the man who kisses me every morning before work and tells me he loves me whilst swearing I've hidden his socks and kisses me every evening and tells me he loves me again, and thanks me for dinner every evening and stacks the dishwasher.

I'll take the everyday knowing rather than the grand gestures once or twice a year.

DoMeDon · 26/08/2012 17:59

They've had tough times, she's supported him - he suggested a nice day it fell thru, he went to get present he 'couldn't' find anything Hmm - that's not being treated well.

blackteaplease · 26/08/2012 18:02

That's a bit harsh jumping. The op gave her dh plenty of ideas and he went out a.week late and.came back with chocolates. Poor effort, it's not like your birthday changes every year

ReindeerBollocks · 26/08/2012 18:04

Jumping - I have done a hell of a lot for this man. Stuff that i didnt put in the OP as it would be too persuasive in my favour.

I want presents, and not really bothered if it appears shallow.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 26/08/2012 18:05

Yanbu, I would be livid tbh.

GhostShip · 26/08/2012 18:07

Bloody arse. I know it's not about gifts and stuff but it's the lack of effort he's put into it.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 26/08/2012 18:12

Soz, my post wasn't to the OP, it was to the 'little respect' post.

MrsCampbellBlack · 26/08/2012 18:13

yanbu

DoMeDon · 26/08/2012 18:14

jumping - He went out and couldnt find you anything - that was surley to OP not me Hmm

It does show little respect to over promise and under deliver. Say nothing and no damage done. He did the big speech and fell flat that's not ok.

diddl · 26/08/2012 18:18

Was it his fault he got called into work?

TBH I´m not a present person, & when you´re not, it´s hard to understand why people get so wound up.

My husband got me some perfume for my last birthday.

It´s nice (Jimmy Choo), but as I don´t wear perfume often, I almost wish he hadn´t bothered.

I much prefer days/meals out.

diddl · 26/08/2012 18:22

"but not to worry if that was a stretch."

Maybe he thought that that applied to all the suggestions!

I think if you gave him ideas & time, then that#s shit.

But maybe he thought that the day that he´d organised would be enough?

Husband & I usually don´t buy presents as we can rarely think of nything.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 26/08/2012 18:22

YANBU. I suggest an almighty shit fit and then tell him he's getting a Terry's Chocolate Orange for Christmas if he's sodding lucky

diddl · 26/08/2012 18:24

"tell him he's getting a Terry's Chocolate Orange for Christmas if he's sodding lucky"

That wouldn´t be a threat in this houseBlushGrin

DoMeDon · 26/08/2012 18:25

But he organised a day and it didn't happen then he did ........ nothing! Thoughtless. If OP said "he organised a day, went to work, then came home and cooked me my fave beans on toast with big cuddle followed by orgasmic rug much and bottle of lambrini, but I hate him cos I prefer champagne" then she WBU. He did SFA!!

diddl · 26/08/2012 18:30

Perhaps he´s trying to organise another day off work/childcare?

Or maybe he thinks it doesn´t matter now as the day has gone-that´s only OK if OP says it is.

If a "day" didn´t happen for me, I wouldn´t care about a present instead, but I wouldn´t want it just to be forgotten.

Vagaceratops · 26/08/2012 18:32

YANBU.

I am in the same boat. DH working on my birthday at the beginning of this month, didnt even get a card until the evening when he came back from work. No birthday present.

And he has already told me what he wants me to get for his birthday, which is next month. Hmm

ReindeerBollocks · 26/08/2012 18:35

I want a pressie. We eat out a fair bit, as its something we like to do but its not a particularly special thing.

Plus, a ring might not be a stretch to someone who has bought expensive stereo recently.

He is being an arse, and I want a gift.

WRT the work thing: his business partner was on call - having been off for a week. I asked DH to take the day off so we could spend time together as he hasn't had time over the 6 weeks and ive been busy with the children. He didn't take the day off.

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 26/08/2012 18:40

Actually I do get that he did plan something for the day out. He really did. But it didn't work. Which is fine, he has his own business and goodness it gets in the way a lot of the time. I was a bit, meh, on the day, but realised he had good intentions. But now a few days later and no effort?!

I have done SO much for him, that it wouldn't kill him to spend five minutes thinking about someone other than himself.

Vag we should go out and get drunk just the two of us on your DH's birthday - that'll make him think Wink

OP posts:
fairyfriend · 26/08/2012 21:45

To the people saying the OP should be happy without presents- it's about thought and effort.
My DH had a packet of Rolos from me for his last birthday, because it was literally all we could afford. But he also got a lie in, breakfast in bed, cards made by the kids, and we made him pancakes and sang happy birthday.
When I got paid we had friends round for dinner with wine and more cake.
He was happy with this, because it's not about the money, it's about showing we love and appreciate him.

I'm sure the OP wouldn't care what her present was, as long as it had some thought behind it.

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