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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that it's ungrateful of someone to Ebay a gift you bought them?

61 replies

spothemistake · 25/08/2012 17:31

I went to visit my friend today and we got on topic of how skint I am at the moment and she started raving about Ebay and how she had recently been quite successful with it to make some extra cash. So I asked her what kind of things she sells to get some inspiration, and she replied with, 'Allsorts. If I think someone might want it, I sell it. I've even sold DC's christening gifts'. I think she sensed my surprise at the last bit and so she said, 'Oh, I only sold all the keepsake type gifts. I wish people would be sensible and give us useful things or cash like you did'.

Que an awkward looking me who then had to confess that I had actually bought her a keepsake. She asked me to remind her what I'd bought and she said that she had kept that as it was so lovely, etc etc. but I felt she was lying.

Her DC was christened only a short while ago so she hasn't wasted any time in flogging the gifts. Additionally, I am on my arse financially right now (which she is well aware of), I took the time and effort and spent money I don't have to pick her DC a gift I thought they would like, only for it to end up on Ebay. It feels like a slap in the face.

She is quite money orientated anyway but these were gifts for her DC, not her, so does she have the right to sell them? I know that when our DCs were christened years ago, we got many keepsake type gifts. I have kept them all for my DCs. Incidently, she bought my DCs keepsake gifts too. I'm quite tempted to look on Ebay to see if she has listed my gift but not sure if that crosses a line into Ebay stalking?

So AIBU to expect that people should not Ebay gifts or should I accept that I bought a crap gift and it is the done thing to sell this type of thing on?

OP posts:
BerthaTheBogBurglar · 25/08/2012 19:50

Being a parent involves making decisions on your child's behalf, until they are old enough to do it themselves. Such as the decision not to store umpteen fake silver toothholders for 12 years so that your child can ebay them later.

It probably does depend on the quantity of silver tat that your child received though.

Also it is possible to be grateful for the time and thought that went into a present, without feeling the need to store the present itself in the loft forever. Although, since it is apparently ok to to ebay something a year later (but not ok to do it after 2 months), maybe I should keep a box for unwanted gifts. I could label each item with the date, so that I know exactly when I can charity-shop it without giving offence ...

Inertia · 25/08/2012 19:55

While it's true that , once given, a gift can be dealt with as the recipient sees fit, it was pretty bloody tactless of her to say what she said- especially given that she couldn't remember what you'd given.

And it's not a gift to her, it's for her DC, who can choose what to do with it when they're old enough.

In future, I'd make a vociferous point of not buying presents for her- "Oh, I know how you hate getting stuff that you then have to ebay, so I thought I'd save us both the trouble!" .

I'd either get DC just a token gift, or something edible, or something personalised with their name :)

Dominodonkey · 25/08/2012 20:01

YANBU at all. They are not hers to sell. Did you ask her whether the money was put into an account for the baby? If not then that is really out of order. I know my parents sold my pram and cot and put the money in my account but they would never have got rid of gifts.

It is probably not a good idea to buy silver etc for baby unless you are a close relative/god parent though. I bought an illustrated book of fairy tales for the last christening I went to.

Floggingmolly · 25/08/2012 20:04

Being a parent involves making decisions on your child's behalf, until they're old enough to do it themselves
That's the crappiest justification for selling a child's christening presents I've ever heard Hmm. There are numerous decisions it's necessary to make for your child's well being; that is not one of them.

crackcrackcrak · 25/08/2012 20:12

What's wrong with saying to the gift giver -we got lots of x, would you mind terribly if we exchanged it? I have been asked this in the past and not once have I been slightly offended by it.
I always include the receipt if the gift is clothes or a book/media in case of duplicates.
My auntie and uncle are likely to give quite shocking presents. It's been a family joke since my cousins and I were quite young. I have a piles of accessories I will never wear and china letter holders with cartoon cats and all sorts. My uncle has huge health problems and will die before he is 70. My dd's may only have piles of tat to remember a kind, funny man with bad taste. The tat will stay.

IdPreferNot · 25/08/2012 20:19

It was not rude of her to eBay the gift. It was rude of her to tell a friend, who probably has given her all sorts of gifts, that she does it. Kinda stupid too. She'll love the lump of coal you give her for Xmas.

Original poster
spothemistake · 25/08/2012 20:32

Thanks again for the replies.

Thanks Pictish for pointing out what my friend was probably thinking - that what I got was 'tat'. I felt that it was a very nice gift. It wasn't silver either and I'd be surprised if she'd had any duplicates of it. However, it was a keepsake type gift in that it was not cash or useful.

As I have mentioned, she is into keepsakes. She likes to collect things like me to you bear ornaments which IMO falls more firmly into the 'tat' category, not that I'd ever tell her.

Without wanting to risk sounding like a drip feed, I didn't get the feeling that she had ebayed 'duplicates' as I think she would have said that when she tried to backtrack. To be honest, I was surprised she even had her dc christened as I know she is not religious. The whole thing very much felt like an attempt to show off and was a very lavish affair with the biggest emphasis in the party afterwards.

I didn't dare ask her what she was planning to do with the money as it was all very awkward but the conversation previous had led me to believe she was raising funds to recoup what she had spent on the christening.

The christening was 2 weeks ago, like I said, she didn't waste any time. I had not even considered this but thinking about it, the time frame does bother me. I can just picture her opening the gifts and piling them into 'sell' and 'keep' piles.

I don't know, it just doesn't seem to be in keeping with the sentiment of a christening and just quite ungrateful. If she'd asked me if she could exchange the gift, that would have been more palatable. True too if she had given them to charity. To think what these gifts must have cost people, she is likely only to get a few quid for then on eBay.

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 25/08/2012 20:53

i would probally never again give a gift to anybody who did this if her dc was that important to me i would put some cash aside untill shes old enough to choose a gift.

i only buy gifts for close friends or family and i know any of them if broke know they could ask for help and it would be given (not loaned) . if they ebayd a gift i gave them i would figure i clearly didnt know them as well as i thought and as such they would cease to be the recipeant of any gifts

crackcrackcrak · 25/08/2012 20:55

Spot - you are really not BU. she has been a knob Sad

tazzle22 · 25/08/2012 21:11

I just cannot believe that people can be soooooooooooo rude to call presents given to them as "tat" , useless etc and be so ungrateful that someone took the tme to go choose a gift even if that gift is not "acceptable" to them.

Of course it is up to the receiver what they do afterwards ........ and of course not all gifts are used / liked and may well be sold on... but I would never disrepect any giver in the manner of some posters here.

I would be rather cross / upset if I found a gift chosen by me for a child had been called "tat" and therefore been put on ebay by the mother ( she said she wished they had give us ... cash) . Some friend !

pictish · 25/08/2012 21:47

I certainly would not tell a gift giver that their gift was tat or useless! Are you mad?! I wasn't implying that at all!

I was simply cutting to the chase in saying that we all get gifts we don't want amd tend to get rid of them one way or another. That's a fact.

Icelollycraving · 25/08/2012 21:59

Yanbu to feel a bit upset. People buy things you don't want or like but IMO seems v rude & grasping to sell Christening gifts.

FedupwithDisney · 25/08/2012 22:00

YANBU. This is so rude. You took time and spent money choosing a gift for her special day. If your friend didn't want her DC to receive keepsake gifts (which I thought was an important part of a Christening) she should have said so when inviting you.
There's a difference between selling/recycling duplicate or inapproproate birthday presents and selling a special keepsake from such an important occasion. Rant over, more wine!

TraineeBabyCatcher · 25/08/2012 22:02

I have and will sell on ds stuff that is surplus to requirements. I however wouldn't count this item as being surplus as it has sentimental value.
I try, where possible, to keep ds stuff which holds any sort of sentimental value (such as a christening gift if he was christened) but I would sell on/pass on/use as gifts anything he wont/cant use or has double of. Anything sold pays for something else for him.

Imo your friend was rude, she sold the presents which is her perogative but to tell you of such actions was silly and unnecessary. She was ungrateful to sell them so soon especially done in the manner described

Meglet · 25/08/2012 22:05

I have to say that mine and the DC's silver christening gifts are just taking up space and will rarely see the light of day. A silver tankard Hmm.

Floggingmolly · 25/08/2012 22:09

A silver tankard Hmm
They can pawn it themselves if they're ever short of the price of a pint at 18 Grin

pigletmania · 25/08/2012 22:09

YANBU at all. How awful, that is not your friends gifts to sell. People have taken the time, effort and money to pick a gift they thought was special, how sad that the world has come to this

tazzle22 · 25/08/2012 22:25

pictish ... I did not say you told the giver that it was tat at all so no, i am not mad Wink. I was listing the words that to me typified the general sentiment expressed by some that christening gifts were being viewed as useless / not fit for display etc.

If that it the sentiment then perhps it should have been specified to anyone remotely likely to give the child / you something to commemorate the occassion a list af "accetable" gifts .... bit like a wedding list ??? That way one would not be offended by useless gifts.

pigletmania · 26/08/2012 08:07

Just reading posts on here, the attitude is so sad, and quite usual sadly fr the world we live in. E baying your babies/childs christening gifts is not right and goes against the chrstian spirit of a christening, it comes over as grabby, ungrateful and rude because that's what it is. Those gifts are bought fr the child, not you, they might want in years to come to remember that person by and as a momentous of their special day. save them and give them to the chid when they are older. I can understand e baying gifts that are inappropriate such as small/unsuitable clothes, duplicate toys, but e baing your child's christening gifts is beyond the pail

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 26/08/2012 08:22

I am surprised at the amounts of yabus
Really?
The christening was two weeks ago and she is gleefully flogging of the gifts ready .
Fecking rude.
Vulgar

If she didn't want tat she could have expressed her wishes on the invite.
'cash or items in a saleable condition only please or with receipt for ease of return'

What is wrong with some people?

pigletmania · 26/08/2012 08:25

The friend was not particularly religious, it sounds like she had a christening to get as much from it as possible, not tat she wanted her dc to join the chrstian community. I hope she has not spent the money gained from selling her dc christening gifts on herself. Your friend sound very shallow and grabby, and I would feel reluctant buying fr her in the future

hackmum · 26/08/2012 09:48

YANBU at all.

Apart from the fact that the presents aren't hers to give away, it's very wrong to sell on presents you've been given. A gift is a symbol of love and kindness, and in the OP's case, chosen with care; by selling it on, you're rejecting, not just the physical object, but the feeling behind it.

sayithowitis · 26/08/2012 10:09

what Hackmum said. Absolutely.

dysfunctionalme · 26/08/2012 12:53

I think her big slip up was in blabbing. If you're going to flog gifts, keep it to yourself. I mean really, no one's going to be happy to hear about such a plan are they.

So no, yanbu at all, it was crappy of her to flog your gift then say so to you, even if it was an unwitting confession.

peeriebear · 26/08/2012 13:06

Wow, she sounds hideous and greedy. YANBU at all to think she's a knob.
The only christening present I've ever given was a framed cross-stitch done by me, with the child's name, date of birth and birth weight on it. Can't flog that at least.
I'd not give her a gift ever again tbh.

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