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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread new baby coming and having school run to do too :(

84 replies

M0naLisa · 25/08/2012 12:27

I am 26 weeks pregnant with 3rd. DS1 is 6 next month and DS2 is 4. Both are in full time school from September as ds2 starts reception.
I am due baby 1st dec and know that when baby arrives the boys will have to have some time off school as they will more than likely go to my mums 30 miles away. I have family in the town I live but because I'm in not in their league they won't help out school run wise. So only option is for kids to go to either my mums or my dads for a couple of days until we are in a sort of routine.

What else I'm dreading it the school run when the boys come back, hopefully DH will be here to do school run but he's not working at moment and if he gets a job before baby comes he wont be entitled to paternity leave so it will just be me. :(

Im just not looking forward to the getting up feeding baby getting dressed getting boys sorted and then getting to school, if I don't have the/a car I will be having to leave the house at 8.05-8.15.

It's going to be a big jump for me and I'm scared I'm not going to do it all and then the boys will get in trouble for not being at school and/or being late :(

OP posts:

Annunziata · 25/08/2012 12:48

Personally I think you have to start as you mean to go on, new baby isn't an excuse and you don't want to get yourself into a cycle of 'it's ok, just one day won't hurt/ half an hour isn't late.'

Say yes to your friend, even just up to the Christmas break. Get her something nice in return. Have everything laid out the night before, and get your boys into routine now- no messing about in the morning. It is hard but it's got to be done.

Floggingmolly · 25/08/2012 12:54

It can be done, I've been there. Can't your mum stay with you, if you feel you need added support? That'd be far better than your first two missing school, that would be ridiculously unfair on them.
Puzzled by your comment, though, "I do have family in our town, but because I'm not in their league they won't help out" . What's that all about?

Original poster

M0naLisa · 25/08/2012 12:57

They see me as the black sheep in the family.

OP posts:

missymoomoomee · 25/08/2012 12:57

In all honesty I found the jump between having 1 child to 2 a lot harder than going from 2 to 3, the 3rd child just has to fit in really. I would also advise against sending your children away just after you have had the baby, they may feel really pushed out and resent the baby a bit. You will manage you just need to be a bit more organised.

Birdsgottafly · 25/08/2012 12:57

You will be surprised how much a third baby fits in with the family routine.

I had my second on a Friday 1st December and was doing the school run by Tuesday, out of choice.

My third was born the two years later in November and again, she slotted in, i think because i had no choice but to leave her to grizzle/fuss, or make my others independant.

I also had offers from other mums, which i would have taken up, but i didn't need to, which might be your case.

It is natural that you have these worries in pregnancy, though.

I can still remember 14 years ago, in labour, when i thought, "why have i done this? when i have two beautiful DD's".

RedHelenB · 25/08/2012 12:57

I was a single parent & managed it, although I didn't have to work as far. Use your dh's 2 week paternity leave - it's what it's there for!!!

MammyToMany · 25/08/2012 13:02

I'm not looking forward to this either. Dc4 is due in January. Ds3 will be 18 months old and I have 2 school age children too. No partner around to help so from the day he or she is born it will just be me and my children. It will be cold and raining probably and I won't enjoy it but it's tough luck really. I'll survive and so will you. I think if you start of thinking you can't do it then you will struggle.

Get up extra early, get to school on time then go back home and climb into bed with your snuggly baby. I did this most days when ds3 was tiny. Not an option this time round but I will be going to bed at 7.30pm every night like I do now and hopefully get some sleep that way.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 25/08/2012 13:04

You'll be fine, I'm the most unorganised git ever but managed to cart newborn ds and ds on the 2 mile walk to nursery each day.

We weren't always on time, but we got there. Newborns are easy, just dump in pram and go.....you really can't have the boys missing school over it.

NCForNow · 25/08/2012 13:12

I agree with Pink....you're creating problems before the new baby has even got here! You might find you're more energetic! It's tough but you MUST get your child to school.

The school wont be happy and having a baby is not an excuse to let him miss out.

NCForNow · 25/08/2012 13:12

And like cheese...I am also disorganized and more than a bit lazy but I managed it on my own. My DH was not even HERE....I was totally alone after a c section.

MrsRogerSterling · 25/08/2012 13:25

I agree with pinkforever you can't start with the attitude that being late is sometimes ok. It is hugely disruptive for the class to have latecomers.

Last year dd1 started reception when dd2 was 2 weeks old, dh works away mon-fri and was back at work, I just had to get on with it. Be as organised as you can (I do packed lunch the night before and have all uniform laid out ready). We live a way from the school so we drive most days and leave at 8.30am. It can be done.

WorraLiberty · 25/08/2012 13:27

If DH hasn't got a job or job starts at 9 and is in the area then he can drop kids off for me and I can do pick up. I just like to think of things in advance iykwim?

But if you're healthy enough after giving birth to do the pick up, why can't you do the drop off?

Honestly, as long as there are no health issues then the best way to do these things (imo) is to start as you mean to go on.

Keep the older kids at home and once you've managed to drop them off at school, you'll have the whole day with the new baby.

And definitely take up your friend's offer. You're not 'putting on' someone who has offered their help, and if you've already received a penalty fine then your children's attendance will be scrutinised.

Almostfifty · 25/08/2012 13:53

You just have to bite the bullet and do it! So long as the baby's had a good feed before you leave you should manage no bother.

I did it with the third and fourth babies. I was up, everyone fed, dressed and at the school gates for ten to nine every single morning. You just have to be organised.

Mrsjay · 25/08/2012 14:14

Ok what you need to do is stop worrying and dont panic what are you panicing about ? you lay your sons clothes out the night before your 6 yr old can get ready sort of, put the baby in the pram it really doesnt matter if baby is dressed or not fed and clean bum will do . get up before the children just to get yourself started with a It will be fine just relax might take you a few weeks to get into the routine , your youngest wasnt at school when your oldest started you managed then ,

rogersmellyonthetelly · 25/08/2012 15:05

At 6 and 4 I think you can start working with them now so they are as independent as possible by the time baby arrives. This means that they are able to dress themselves under supervision whilst you change/dress baby,, eat breakfast themselves whilst you feed baby, and finally park baby in car seat whilst you drag a comb through your hair and crawl into clothes.
Get all bags ready the night before. Lay all uniform including shoes out the night before.
I'm facing the same thing myself as no. 3 is due in feb, but my kids are 6 and 8 and are now able to get their own cereal, get dressed by themselves erc, although it has taken me the last 3 months to get them to this stage!

Original poster

M0naLisa · 25/08/2012 18:33

When ds2 came along ds1 was 18mths old so didn't have school run. I will manage I'm just panicking now, you know how you do

My two boys came get dressed themselves already which is a wait off. I suppose if I got up that extra earlier got their breakfasts ready fed baby and changed bum then got the boys up that would be ok in time to set off for school at 8.05-8.15.
Ill manage I have to

OP posts:

FiveRingsForDinner · 25/08/2012 18:44

You need to have your milestones in mind.

Know what time the bigs need to be.
Awake-dressed-fed-out-arrived

Like someone said - be sure to wake early so you're ahead before the chaos starts.

If you're really pressed, how about putting your boys to bed in tracksuits & stocking up on cereal bars & sports cap drinks. Then you can wake them up, brush their teeth & put on their shoes - & start walking. Or a local CM to help out short term?

TruthSweet · 25/08/2012 18:48

I'm due with DD4 two weeks after DD2 starts reception (DD1 is going into Y2) so I will have to do the school run with 3 children and a newborn. I am planning on using a wrap sling if baby is nursing when the school run needs doing and DD3 in a buggy or baby in the pram and DD3 on the pram seat if she isn't.

I won't be getting baby dressed and DD1 & DD2 will have to get themselves dressed and ready for school. I will do breakfast for them and lunches of course but they are quite capable of getting their own clothes on, brushing their own hair/teeth, putting shoes on, and DD1 is very capable of helping DD3 get ready if needs must (I expect given half a chance she would get baby's nappy changed and her in her pram suit too).

Anything you can do in advance do it - lunch boxes, water beakers in fridge, uniform laid out with shoes cleaned (if needed), even to the point of cereal in bowls and spoons on the table the night before so only milk needs adding to it to be ready.

It's a good way to teach children about working together as a family and being responsible for their own belongings

janey68 · 25/08/2012 18:51

I think you need to stop anticipating problems and start believing that you can manage.
Look at it this way- would you turn up late if it was your job you were getting to? Of course not! Yet that's the reality for thousands of women, and they often have to get several kids up and out well before school hours. We leave the house at 7.40, I drop the kids at cm by 8 and then on to work; have done this since they were babies.
To a large extent it's about having the right mindset. There are some mums with just one or two kids who end up late for school every day, while mothers of multiples may be getting up and out far earlier.

Tbh although you'll be forgiven for occasional lateness, its really unfair on your children not to mention the teachers if it's a regular occurrence.

BeeBee12 · 25/08/2012 18:53

It will be fine.Just stick baby in sling job done.

exoticfruits · 25/08/2012 19:14

You will manage- everyone does. It always seems worse in advance.

SirBoobAlot · 25/08/2012 19:33

You need to stop freaking out and looking for problems. Its normal to be worried about it, but really, the scenarios in your head are bound to be much worse than reality.

Get a sling. Say yes to your friend for help. Do packed lunches the night before when older two are in bed. Start "getting clothes out for next day" as part of the bed time routine now, so its not a strange thing in September.

Think you'd be a bit OTT to write to the head, and doubt they would take it seriously - parents have babies every day, they won't make it a huge deal for you. You say they'll be watching his attendance, is this already an issue?

elliejjtiny · 25/08/2012 20:36

I did this last year and it was hard but doable. TBH I found getting DS1 to school when I had morning sickness was a lot harder so if you did that stage ok you'll be fine.

Original poster

M0naLisa · 25/08/2012 21:27

He went on holiday with my dad and stepmum when school refused his holidays so they started monitoring his attendance. He has troubles with his bowels (ds1) due to a problem which started before birth. The school know this. But still continue to watch his attendance.

In the last year I've had a car to do the school run in and now we only have one car due to scrapping mine last week. So il find it hard walking to school again although when I used to walk to school I enjoyed it. The fresh air woke me up and made me feel better for walking.

I'm also panicking about September before baby comes if DH gets a job and well be walking to school I've got SPD and walking is a struggle

OP posts:

FireBat · 25/08/2012 21:27

I agree with pink. I'm shocked that you think having a new baby is a reason for your children to have any time off school, especially when the school is only a mile away!

The first week, fair enough, get your neighbour/friend to help or even put aside money to send them in taxi for the first fortnight. I was doing the school run, with a 5 year old and baby, two weeks after a c-section and it wouldn't have occurred to me for a second to give my son time off. We were slightly late almost every day for the first few weeks, with the baby still in her sleep clothes, forgotten p.e kits etc. plus me looking a total state - but we got there. I will do the same again after my next babies - it will be harder with a toddler and twins in tow but school
isn't optional.

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