To be shocked by my friend's observation that boys brought up by single mums are effeminate?

[MsBrown]

Had my friend round earlier for a pizza and catch up. We got chatting about school days and it lead on to boys we went to school with who are now openly gay.

My friend made the observation that of 6 of these boys (now men), 5 of them were brought up by their single mums. She seems to think that this somehow influenced their sexuality!

I told her i think people are born either gay or straight. But she said she knows other young boys/men being brought up by single mums and are effeminate. Making the point that these boys/men have/had no contact with their fathers.

Am i being unreasonable to be really angry with her and to have cut our 'pizza night' short?

oh my god your friend is either really stupid or really stupid lol.
and I agree with you she is the unreasonable one not you!

YABU, because it's true.

OK, I'm kidding! But honestly, it's such a stupid thing for her to say. I would have just laughed, some daft muppet's bizarre views are not worth abandoning a pizza over.

Well I'm a single mother and I know my son definitely won't turn out to be a gay because I would not buy him pink shoes if he asked! I do let him put on my lipstick and let him put on my bra to pretend he has boobies but he'll be fine right?

Ask her if everyone who has been brought up by both a mum and a dad is bisexual and androgynous.

Because then they'd have a confusing mixed influence growing up, amirite?!

I was just so shocked! She's a clever lady (or so i thought), so hearing such a stupid opinion come from her really surprised me.

She kept saying, 'but i'm not homophobic', and 'i'm not saying it about all boys and single mums - just some'.

I sort of threw her out in the end, pretending i was tired. God knows why, but it's really wound me up.

PretzelTimeFri 24-Aug-12 22:33:06
Ask her if everyone who has been brought up by both a mum and a dad is bisexual and androgynous.

Excellent point! I may text and ask her opinion on that one.

Bold ing fail.

I know one camp boy brought up by a single mother. The rest are, frankly feral fuckbunnies who really should be castrated.

Does this mean that no single mum ever brings up girls who turn out to be lesbian??

My DD age 17 has only just decided where the pendulum swings!! She was brought up by me and her Dad until she was nearly 9, then jointly by us both.

I could not care less whether she is lesbian, bi or straight.

I certainly do not think our parenting determined her sexuality.

Well, I don't think I would have cut the night short because of this. It's an old theory that gay men tend to be more attached to their mothers (be they sole parents or not) and have a more intense relationship with them. I don't think that she was being out of order with her observations.

Rather than cutting the night short I would have debated this with her some more. Personally I don't fully believe that being gay is an inate attribute, I also don't believe it's a socialised attribute. TBH, I believe we are all born bi-sexual and that we choose our sexuality (or not in some cases) as we grow up. So, I suppose that I'm actually thinking your friend might have made some valid points, though statiscally you can't really come up with answers with a small field of 6 gay men, 5 of them lived with mum alone.

Out of interest, why did this make you so angry? Surely it's just a discussion

My gay male friends all came from married heterosexual families. So did I. I am gay. So did most of my lesbian friends. Your friend is a moron. It was at least a moronic things to say. Anyone who says "I'm not homophobic/racist/[insert term of choice here] but..." usually is homophobic/racist etc. yanbu

"frankly feral fuckbunnies"

Sounds like some sort of weird 60's group

Christ us single mums just cannot get it right, can we?

And if DS turns out to be gay, I couldn't give a damn. If he's happy, then who the hell am I to tell him not to be.

Your friend is stupid.

so does your friend think that if a female is bought up by a male they will turn into a jack boot,dungaree wearing lesbian

im hoping one of my sons is gay and will have fantastic eye for soft furnishings and wants to be a hairdresser,what a win win situation that would be

Am i being unreasonable to be really angry with her and to have cut our 'pizza night' short?

YABU, its not worth getting stressed over - but its an interesting observation, if it were me I'd be looking at the stats to see out of curiosity. Hmmm, may do tomorrow.

larks35 i tried rationally discussing it with her, but she was so set in her own opinions that i may as well have not replied at all.

This is one of the reasons i became angry. Also because my cousin is bringing up a little boy on her own, and my friend used him as an example. I've often mentioned to her that he's quite a sensitive boy and enjoys helping his mum go dress shopping, going to the salon with her etc. He's only 7!

Helping your mum choose a frock isn't going to make you fancy men imo. But my friend wasn't willing to see my POV.

i still cant believe peeps have these views (well i do really)

i would find it hard to be mates with somebody like this,but then again if i knew they thought like this i cant see me warming to them as a friend in the first place

Nature, nurture maybe by the end of the night or 1000 posts the world will finally have it's answer.

Wow.
Just Wow.

So your friend thought that sexuality was to do with parenting? As opposed to "coming out" being associated with strength of parental trust? Of all the "out" people I know, those children of single mothers (I only know one single father), were more comfortable coming out than those with two parents. Who left it later.

Aye 6 of one half a dozen of the other...

Anyone who starts a sentence with "I'm not homophobic but..." is quite clearly a homophobic. DH and his brother were brought up (well dragged up more like) by his mum, his dad was never on the scene. I've been with DH for 18 years I'll just go check his is in fact straight...yup, completely.