to not feed the tortoise?

[Sal100]

Dh worked from home today. He got stropy and fed the tortoise as no one else has. He hasnt spoken to me all afternoon and was ranting that he has to work so shouldnt be doing it. It is his tortoise. I did not want it and do not like it very much. The kids arent interested in it either. He knew when he bought it I didnt want one. (I do feed the tortoise when he doesnt bother and is in work but he doesnt know this as I dont want him to expect me to do it)

When he brought home the gineau pigs I looked after them until they died. I am still looking after the rabbit he turned up with one day. He wanted a dog, we agreed he would walk the dog every day and at weekends clear up after him in the garden, i would clear up during the week. He has never walked him and has never cleared up after him. I get up at 6.30am to take his dog for a walk during term time (get a lie in during school holidays), i clear up the garden every day and I feed and water the dog.

His arguement is that he works so shouldnt do anything. My arguement is that I didnt want the tortoise, he just went out and bought it so he can look after it especially seeing as I am now looking after all the other animals he has brought home.

If you don't feed it, it will begin a hibernation process and start to shut down. Not a massive problem, they can live for a long time without food (though NOT without water) so why not just not feed it and then when it does begin to wind down and shut itself away maybe your dh will either rethink the feeding situation, or get bored of a boring animal and be happy to get rid of it?

I never understand why people get pet after pet and leave others with the mess OP your husband isnt rare you know .

FGS OP is NOT starving the tortoise, she feeds it when he is at work but doesn't tell her H! Nobody is a 'bloody sicko'. If he is at home and it's his job and he knows it is, and he doesn't feed it, he is the only one at fault here.

I would give the tortoise away, following a few warnings. If he doesn't feed it, I can't see why you should if you don't want it.

Also, I would love a tortoise. Hint hint.

wow! do you lot not read? I said I feed it, infact I think I have said it 3 or 4 times. I feed it almost every day. I refused to today cos he was home and its his tortoise which I had said I didnt want before he bought it.

thanks for all the comments, he now knows he has to feed it when he home (will see how this weekend goes), might be posting on monday 'am i being unreasonable to give his tortoise to the first person who coments!!!' lol

I'll have the tortoise. I really miss ours.

YANBU. OP your Dh is acting like a 5 year old. Good for you making a stand and refusing to feed it just today see I read your post. Your Dh should be responsble for feeding the animals when he is home.

You are being given a hard time because of the way you worded your title (triggering a protective instinct in some people / other people don't read). If you'd said 'not to be expected to..' or 'to resent my DH for expecting me to care for his unwanted menagerie' you'd have been deluged in sympathy.

I can't believe you're focusing on the tortoise rather than the dog, which is much more work.

His attitude about the uber-importance of his work stinks. Does he work 15 hour days while you have pedicures? If not I can't help wondering what else his 'I'm too busy and important' attitude extends to, whether he values what you do during the day and whether you have equal leisure time.

If one of your children wanted a pet would he say 'of course, as many as you like, your mother will care for them'. Or would he say 'if you can demonstrate you are serious we will start with something small and if you can look after that and make the necessary commitment, we'll think about the dog / cat you really want'. So is he really an idiot, or just a massive, infantile hypocrite?

It just sounds so absurd it's funny (except for you), 'wife, I have acquired two donkeys and a boa constrictor. You shall care for them well. Oh and these two urchins I found begging in he streets. You shall bring them up as your own. Now, bring me my pipe and slippers'.

Sympathies Sal. My dad used to do this to my mum. He'd first try to make her look mean and crazy ("of course I will feed the dog when we get it, it's hardly much effort") and then, guess who was left with the dog/goats/etc.

Put your foot down or it'll get worse.

Tell him he needs to rehome all your animals as you are getting a job, as you would prefer a decent wage for being told what to do.

lottoegarbonzo I know you are joking, but those Urchins are dh's great uncle and aunty when his grandad came home from the war, it was with a little boy and a little girl, she immediately went from having two sc's to 4!

Dc's, sorry.

YANBU.

DH wants a dog. I don't. I've told him he can only get one if he looks after it entirely. He won't, therefore we won't be getting one (until DS is big enough to help out with looking after it.)

Your DH is being a spoilt brat. Rehome the tortoise - and if he creates too much about it, consider rehoming him.

Rehome the animals or the husband. Show him this thread to convince him he is acting like a child.

I don't think using and animal to prove a point is at all responsible. Poor beggar.

I would suggest next time your DH wants a pet you buy him a tamagotchi.

You need to put your foot down and say no more animals, if he turns up with one, rehome it.

We got a dog on the condition that dp does the bulk of walks, feeding etc and cleans up after it. We have cats which I had before we got together and I take responsibility for them.

Dp works long hours, sometimes 4am -6/7pm and he still feeds and walks the dog when he's here and he cleans up 99% of the poo and scrubs the patio down a few times a week.

So what your hubby works, he chose to have the animals so he should take responsibility for them. It's no big deal you feeding/walking etc if he's not there but if he is he should drop what he's doing and feed/groom/walk etc.

If he carries on not feeding it regularly then just rehome it without consulting him, he needs to learn that he can't just pick them up and put them down when he feels like it, thats a childs attitude to pets, he's supposed to be a grown man.

Lovely to hear about the happy urchins! That makes me think of the Fossil children in Ballet Shoes, as the OP makes me think of Dr Doolittle or Gerald Durrell, forever bringing home animals. However, their wives / parents were not completely unwilling, and/or they did the looking after themselves (and I suspect most had staff!).

Thing is, even if your occupation is 'lady who lunches' it's not up to your DH to decide unilaterally how you will be spending your time.

He sounds like someone who has difficulty managing his own time and takes this out on other people, and could probably benefit from addressing that. Surely he spent more time ranting about not feeding the tortoise than it would have taken him to feed it?!

I like and feel very empathetic towards animals and when we get a cat(s) they'll come from the rescue centre. If I think too much about all the hurt and neglected animals out there I feel very sad and wish I could rescue them all. I can't though and it is exactly because I care that I wouldn't be so irresponsible as to take on an animal I couldn't look after for its lifetime.

Ought, my friend had a tortoise called speedy when we were kids, it had free run of the house and glow in the dark dots on its shell so it wouldn't get stood on.

YWBU to not feed the tortoise. That is cruel.

YWNBU to stop feeding your husband until he realises that just because he WOTH doesn't make him so special that he doesn't have to do any chores.

I would maybe suggest that the next time he brings an animal home that you haven't agreed too it will be taking his place.

On the days you feed the tortoise as he "doesn't bother" what does he think has happened? Does he assume you did it or not care that no one has?

the OP does feed the tortoise when her DH isn't there. She refused to do it when he was there as he could bloody well do it himself. HOW is that cruel??

I was answering the title.

Yes, she WOULD be cruel to not feed the tortoise just because he is there today and has decided not too to make a point as it appears she is trying to do.

If he didn't feed it, she should as the animal shouldn't suffer or be used to make a point.

She is obviously thinking of not feeding the tortoise in future as she was asking the question.

OP have you thought of killing two birds with one stone and just not feeding your husband. :)

I take it the tortoise has a heat lamp, correct table etc? We had one and they are not as simple to look after as most folk think. We had to do a lot of research when we got ours. Certain breeds cant eat certain foods. They don't eat human foods, like vegetables really...most like weeds etc. If he isn't stepping up, and you don't want to please rehome it to someone who knows what they are doing. Ours had a good life, but could have had a better one. So we rehomed it and she now has a huge outside enclosure with other torts in a warmer place than Scotland YA both BU

Personally I just couldn't be with a man who was so irresponsible with animals. OP, YANBU to expect your H to feed his animals when he is home; even when he's been out at work all day he should still be doing it IMO and not expecting you to do it. He doesn't deserve pets unless he can prove he'll step up to the mark and be a proper carer to them, otherwise I think you should contact the tortoise rescue society and get them to find the poor thing a new home.