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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Quite hurt over friends comment

24 replies

Emmielu · 24/08/2012 18:25

An old friend of mine rang me today. She firstly warned me that it might offend me but she's been asked to find out if what she's about to ask is true. I said ok fine go ahead ask.

Another old friend of mine saw me walking through town recently and wondered if I was pregnant. Instead of asking me to my face or by text etc she told her friends, who then I have just found out told my sister that I was in fact pregnant. Honest truth is that I'm not. Since being on the depo I've put on weight I admit and yes I'm not too happy with where the weight is but I always thought since no one had commented on it and in fact a few other people have said how much better I look that it was a good thing. It really shook me when my friend asked if I was pregnant. My other friend had gone round telling people I'm pregnant without asking first. So not only do I now have to clear these rumours I also spent the day feeling sick and upset with myself for getting to the point where people think and agree I look fatter. Not one person she told came to me or even considered the fact that people do put on weight at some point in their lives. I'm so angry. I'm hurt. And also worried that I should be doing something about my weight now.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 24/08/2012 18:27

Think you need to find some new friends tbh.

Emmielu · 24/08/2012 18:31

What pissed me off more is that she's not seen me in months. But she happily assumes and tells others what she assumes.

OP posts:
LiquidCosh · 24/08/2012 18:32

The friend who's going around telling people your pregnant is either very mean or very unthinking of how this would affect you. As for the friend who phoned and told you I think you have a real gem of a friend there as it probably took alot of courage for her to make that call. Yanbu to be hurt but without sounding harsh when someone puts on weight pregnancy is sometimes one of the first things I wonder though would never ask! I remember once speaking to a distant relative at a funeral and telling them that I was on maternity leave and they asked when I was due. DD was already 9 months old Sad so I do kind of understand how you feel

OnlyWantsOne · 24/08/2012 18:33

Phone her and set her straight. Or ignore and move on

Emmielu · 24/08/2012 18:35

I'm not wasting my breath. Ignoring her is my best option. She knows if I'd fallen pregnant she would know as soon as others. She knows I'm on the depo she knows why I'm on the depo she knows it can make people put on weight her mother is on it.

OP posts:
Bellyjaby · 24/08/2012 20:00

I was going to say yabu about the friend who called, then I re read and saw she'd called as someone else asked her to get it confirmed. So no, yanbu about all of them. Especially the rumour spreader.

Ithinkitsjustme · 24/08/2012 20:30

I've been on depo myself and am still fighting the effects (nothing to do with the amount of crap I eat, honest!! Grin ) and I really do understand why you would be upset. If you can face it I would try to turn it into a joke and say something like "contrary to popular belief..." but it can be very hard to do this. I also think that you don't really need friends like these, if they gossip about you behind your back normally, however, I know that if I hadn't seen someone for a while and they had suddenly put on a lot of weight I might well wonder if they were pregnany and I wouldn't want to ask them directly either, not saying that it's right to gossip about you, but she might have just asked an innocent question.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 24/08/2012 21:26

Tell everyone that you are, it's quadruplets, and you kept it quiet because this "friends" husband is the father. (Or maybe not, just a naughty thought on my part)
I used to get asked when I was due by random strangers, or people would say "how long have you got to go?" and it can bloody hurt :( I'm actually too fat now iyswim, it doesn't look like a bump anymore, but I did have a badge saying "I'm not fat I'm pregnant" and one saying"I'm not pregnant I'm fat" for a while.

birdofthenorth · 24/08/2012 22:23

Someone offered me their seat on the tube with a knowing know to my non-pregnant lady tummy once. I said thanks and took it Smile

Seriously though, it does hurt but I do think the fact that your friend spread your "news" without even bothering to say hello or ask you is even more hurtful. Even if you were pg surely it would be your responsibility to tell people in your own time?

carernotasaint · 25/08/2012 02:01

OP this so called friend of yours obviously needs someone she can feel superior to! Shes no friend and she should probably stop reading stupid celebrity mags with stupid fad diets in them.
Ive been on depo in the distant past while i was trying to lose weight and it is a struggle.
Before depo i used to lose weight quite easily but after it got a lot harder and it still is even after being off depo for 4 years now.
The attitudes shown by some members of society show how looks obsessed we have become.

Graceymakelot · 25/08/2012 02:44

What's depo? One of my sons friends dads congratulated me once, bless him, he felt worse than I did, I did look pregnant, I was drinking too much wine.

We women love pregnancy and gossip, telling me you wouldn't have engaged in excited speculation for your friend.

I think you should toughen up a bit.

Emmielu · 25/08/2012 06:18

Depo is a contraceptive injection.

I had calmed down until her

OP posts:
Emmielu · 25/08/2012 06:21

I had calmed down until her aunt proceeded to telling my mum amongst others. Huge flooding of emails on facebook and texts coming through plus a now upset mother who thought I was and didnt tell her. Instead of replying back to emails I wrote a simple status. To the person who assumed I'm pregnant. I'm not. I'm just fat. Thanks for asking.

OP posts:
Bellyjaby · 25/08/2012 06:59

If it were me I'd have added three words to that status. "you stupid bitch". But you're probably a better person than I.

ZonkedOut · 25/08/2012 07:07

Someone offered me their seat on the tube with a knowing know to my non-pregnant lady tummy once. I said thanks and took it

Probably the best thing to do - if you'd said you weren't pregnant, that person may have stopped giving up their seat to people who really need it in future!

I once asked someone at a toddler group when she was due and was mortified when she told me she wasn't pregnant. It was not because she looked it, though, I mistook her for someone else who I'd been talking with a few weeks ago who was. She obviously forgave me now, she's now a very close friend!

PackItInNow · 25/08/2012 10:44

If people still ask if you're PG, say nothing or change the subject for 10 months and see what they say when no baby appears. Watch the look on their face then, when you're not trundling about with a newborn in a pram.

Keep them guessing.

pictish · 25/08/2012 10:46

It's no biggie - laugh it off.

manicbmc · 25/08/2012 10:47

I'd just say it was wind... a lot of wind. Grin

bragmatic · 25/08/2012 10:50

Ouch. That would hurt.

I think your response on FB is fine.

Fizzybee · 25/08/2012 10:53

A woman at tescos once asked me if I was pregnant I was that mortified I forgot my dog food and had to go back red faced to her checkout to get it Blush

Weird thing was I was at my skinniest and an size 8 Confused some people are stupid

As N aside note have you thought about the coil /implant found it easier to stay a healthy weight in that then deli which made me hungry allll the time

NameChangeGalore · 25/08/2012 10:58

How horrible. I would have been tempted to keep quiet but let family know you werent pregnant. Then when the baby wouldn't have appeared after 9 months they would have been having kittens!

Birdsgottafly · 25/08/2012 11:01

also worried that I should be doing something about my weight

That's upto you, but don't base it on thisincident. It is your 'friends' that need to think about how they behave.

I thought this sort of behaviour stopped at around 18, when pregnancy was't a biggie anymore.

We women love pregnancy and gossip

Perhaps young women, who don't have enough going on in their own lives, or heads, but there comes an age were you stop carrying on like this.

To tell someone's sister that they are pregnant, is malicious, you don't know what is going on in people's lives, as often said on here, the OP could have miscarried a couple of days before etc.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 25/08/2012 11:10

I am not fat. I am 8-10
I can still look pregnant sometimes.

Don't let the spiteful mare get to you.
Who the hell goes around telling people someone is pregnant based on a quick look?
Even if you were, the fact that you hadn't told anyone should be enough to tell her to keep her gob shut

amybelle1990 · 25/08/2012 14:22

We women love pregnancy and gossip

My gender has let me down again. This type of gossip is just rude. There is no excuse for it. YANBU

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