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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To disagree that I am hard work and oversensitive

47 replies

BadEducation · 24/08/2012 16:15

When in actual fact it's that the particular friend that said I was these things speaks to me like shit at times and I am not prepared to tolerate it.

Today she has spoken to me like dirt as I had arranged to go to hers for a coffee; she wanted me to go at 11am but I have been busy today and said that I couldn't go any earlier than 3pm so if that was too late for her we could always rearrange for another day. She said fine. Then at 2.30 she phoned me and said very snappily 'WHERE are you? Are you coming? I'm waiting for YOU'. I said that we had agreed 3pm and asked if she was ok as she seemed very cross. She said she wasn't cross but that we had agreed I would go round and she would prefer me to go round earlier rather than later as she wants to go out at 5pm. I said that we'd best leave it today as she was clearly in a bad mood. She said I am oversensitive and hard work. I said I disagreed and that I thought she was rude, and that we'd better end the conversation here.

She truly thinks the world revolves around her. I am fed up with her snapping at me or speaking to me like dirt when she feels like it. We had a day out together, with our DCs a few months ago and she was in a mood the whole day, insisting that we only did as she wanted, and saying things to me like 'Come on, walk faster than that', and 'Hold that!!' whilst thrusting her bag into my arms in shops. It was also raining that day, she didn't have a brolly but I did, and every time we left a shop or another building she would say 'Come on, hurry up and put your brolly up, up not getting MY hair wet' and kept expecting me to hold the brolly. She also snapped repeatedly at my DCs that day and kept telling them off even though they hadn't done anything wrong. I pulled her up on it that day too, and she said I was oversensitive and hard work.

To sum it up, each time she speaks to me like dirt, if I pull her up on it she says it's me being oversensitive. I know it's not. I don't have this problem with other friends.

OP posts:
pictish · 24/08/2012 16:16

So why bother with her?

WorraLiberty · 24/08/2012 16:18

Why are you friends?

Seabright · 24/08/2012 16:19

She's got to go! Really, read what you've written, realise what a pain she is and move on to you nicer friends

BadEducation · 24/08/2012 16:19

I dunno. I don't really like falling out with people.

I think I may have to end the friendship though

OP posts:
NovackNGood · 24/08/2012 16:19

Well don'¡t see her then.

AMumInScotland · 24/08/2012 16:19

It doesn't sound much of a friendship - time to stop seeing her perhaps?

charlottehere · 24/08/2012 16:19

Shes NOT your friend.

NameChangeGalore · 24/08/2012 16:19

I skim read first time and thought you were a flaky person, but you're not. I admit, I once spoke rudely to an old friend who was flaky. She kept letting me down everytime and I had enough and got snappy.

Your friend seems like she has issues. Is there any reason for her to be angry and tense all the time? I don't believe people act like that for no good reason! Does she have marital or family problems?

pictish · 24/08/2012 16:20

Just phase her out. It's simple.

Don't initiate any contact, and be elusive if she does.

BadEducation · 24/08/2012 16:21

Silly question pictish, but how do I be elusive with her? Do I just refuse to make any plans with her? Or tell her someone is at the door so I have to go now and can't talk?

OP posts:
NervousAt20 · 24/08/2012 16:21

If she's that bad why would you want a 'friendship' with her anyway? Just don't call her again if she phones your sorry your busy

BadEducation · 24/08/2012 16:21

NameChange, I don't think she's particularly happy in herself. Various reasons, such as a relationship breakdown and a rather unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 24/08/2012 16:22

She sounds horrible!

A dear friend of mine has a great saying to stuff like this:

AMumInScotland · 24/08/2012 16:22

You don't have to "fall out with her", just have other things on when she tries to arrange to meet up, and don't chase after her yourself to make arrangements. Let it drift.

thebeesnees79 · 24/08/2012 16:23

I HAD a friend like that who got dumped at Christmas for going on about her problems when I had a fever of 104 & was poorly with glandular fever.
she was hard work and high maintenance. If I were you I would ditch her, who needs mates like that.

missymoomoomee · 24/08/2012 16:23

Don't fall out with her just tail the friendship off without having a big row. Just start being really busy if she wants to see you and forgetful about replying to texts etc.

AMumInScotland · 24/08/2012 16:26

Just think about how the plans are usually made between you, and think up ways to stop them from happening. If she wants to meet up, you can be vague about when you're available, or say "I don't think that would work for me" when she suggests something. For instance, when she wanted you round at 11 you could just have said "No that's not possible. Some other time maybe"

Tansie · 24/08/2012 16:27

God, I'd so like to write to her spelling out the issue, that'd be so cathartic, but of course, the proper solution is to 'phase out'. You may well find your opportunity to 'spell it out' may come around, anyway!

But this person is not worth bothering about. She's obviously not a positive in your life, she's not even neutral, she's a Neg. You'll find you don't miss her.

I did it to a 'friend' a while ago. Like you it's not in my nature to do so but her DH was really rather weird, she had the oddest parenting notions (and 3 really badly behaved DDs) and felt every day out should revolve around her and her DDs' alleged 'needs', even though I had 2 younger DSs along! She'd call and demand to know why I wasn't changing plans to suit her etc etc, so in the end, I just stopped returning her calls. She kept it up for a couple of weeks but then desisted.

DizzyBeeisSchoolShoeShopping · 24/08/2012 16:28

I agree with others, she's not a friend. Just gradually drop her, don't reply to texts etc. She might be offended but I don't think you need to care about that.
It's not nice when it happens to you (been there, done that!) but she sounds like a right black and white farm animal.

DawnOfTheDee · 24/08/2012 16:28

Did you originally arrange to go for coffee? Was it 11am or had a time not been arranged and that was what caused the tension. Sorry if this is obvious but it's not clear to me from the OP.

DawnOfTheDee · 24/08/2012 16:29

The other incident does make it sound like she's the one who's hard work tbh though..

BadEducation · 24/08/2012 16:30

Dawn, no, she suggested 11am and I said no, it was no good for me as we have been busy today, and I said 3pm was the earliest I could do. So it was arranged for 3pm. It wasn't arranged for 11am, that was the time she wanted me to go. I suggested we make it another day instead if 3pm was too late for her but she was insistent that 3pm was ok.

OP posts:
JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 24/08/2012 16:31

You said it yourself. If lots of different people were saying it, then, maybe time to look at yourself. But this sounds like her. Definitely. We choose our friends, and I'd un-choose someone who was that rude to me and refused to acknowledge the fact

BadEducation · 24/08/2012 16:32

I've been described as many things before but never hard work or oversensitive Grin

OP posts:
JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 24/08/2012 16:34

Well then ...

Bullies accuse people of being oversensitive, IME