to want a bit of help??

[thebeesnees79]

small bit of back ground info first. I am pregnant 33 weeks with my third child, I have a 3 & 5 year old already (both planned). I got caught with this baby after being really poorly and having two huge courses of penecillin. anyway I have had a very rough pregnancy which so far has resulted in low blood pressure(70/50 at one point) a hospital admission for 3 bags of iv fluids and anemia. I am so tired and drained, my husband is self employed and the majority of the time does 12 hour days 6 days a week.
In the 5 weeks my kids have been off from school my mum (the only one who ever offers) had them twice for two hours. The first time I had to run the uniform shop for my ds jumpers so never had a rest.
I know they are my kids and its my responsibility but I am struggling to stay awake some days.
So am i being unreasonable to want a little more help?
I do all the cooking/cleaning/washing. I get the kids up and when hubby is home they are washed and dressed ready for bed. I feel really depressed, do i just need a kick up the arse?

No DH should definitely be helping

You don't need a kick up the arse at all. You need help.

Some people are great at spotting when someone needs help and will spring into action without prompting. Most people however, don't. They either think you're coping, worry you might be offended if they offer (i.e. think they're implying you can't cope) or plain old just don't think.

However...most people, if asked, will want to help you. You just need to ask them. Ask them for specific things e.g. to pick something up from a shop for you or to take your dc at a specific time.

sorry to hear you're feeling tired and have had a rough ride but please, get on the phone now and rally your troops! Friends, family, neighbours, anyone! Tell them what you told us

Do you not have any childcare facilities locally? Colleges can be great for finding babysitters.

The responsibility falls to you and your DH but as he works really long days to support the family he is going to be limited in what he can do on his working days.

I am not very good at asking for help so maybe its my fault? I just think if people wanted to help they would offer?
My husband has a work load and if he leaves it then the load and pressure gets bigger, I feel bad for him too.
I wish my in laws would do a little more, the kids are lucky to see them once a month and its always initiated by us.
I am tired and grumpy and I feel so sorry for the kids :(
Not too much longer and my son is back in full time school & my daughter is 15 hours a week at pre school so hopefully I will get some rest then before this one is born. thanks for the input and advice its much appreciated.

YANBU but you have to bear in mind that your DH may not be in a position to do all that much to help. If you are on fb I'd be tempted to put up a post asking for wiling volunteers to have the kids for a couple of hours - that way you're not putting anyone on the spot but are giving people full permission to offer help without being worried about offending you. I hope you feel better soon, and good luck with the new baby!

You need the odd break and you aren't getting it. If you partner is working long hours could he at least stick the odd wash on and whip round w. a hoover once a week ? Would Mum help more if you told her how tired you are? Play dates where you drop them off for an hour or two and then reciprocate ? Local play groups ? Hour and a half 'quiet time' every afternoon w. a video for them and cup of tea/sofa for you ... Shop online wherever possible. Does you local gym have a creche if you went for a swim and Mum had baby while creche had the others.....Can u afford a cleaner .. ? There are coping strategies that will help, i promise, you just need to find the ones that work for you ...

It's understandable that you feel worn out, but I think you need to be realistic about how much more your DH can do if he's working 12 hour days 6 days a week. You're still going to have the bulk of caring falling to you.
I second the idea of looking around for help, not necessarily with cleaning, but actually taking the kids off your hands for periods of time.
I bet you have local Uni students or older teens on vacation around you. They are often great at babysitting, and if theyre based in your home then they don't need to be registered cm - it's really no different to babysitting, its just daytime rather than for you to go out. A lot of students are really struggling to find holiday jobs so will be grateful for the extra income, and your kids will no doubt love the novelty of someone new and young and up for lots of games.

I know the school hols are over soon so you won't really get the full benefit this time, but if you make some contacts, it could bode well for future holidays when you've got a baby too.

It's worth being direct in asking for help from relatives too, but I wouldnt rely on that, it's best to make your own arrangements so that if relatives offer anything its a bonus. How about arranging some playdates for your school age child too? I know it would mean reciprocating, but often having an extra child around takes the pressure off for a bit if it keeps your child happy

Also - keep meals really simple for the moment. Simple doesn't have to mean rubbish - you can make really tasty nutritious meals which are quick. And keep housework to a minimum; don't beat yourself up about trying to be perfect

thank you for the advice. I have had three hard 6 week holidays in a row now lol. My first with the two kids they both got chicken pox within 10 days of each other. the second my son had to have his tonsills removed and caught a bad infection and this one I am pregnant grumpy and under the weather.
really hope the next one is better despite the fact I will have a 9 month old 6 year old & 4 year old lol.
Got some good tips though to help me through the next one :)
Thanks for being honest with me and for all the hints and tips