to think this little girl badly needs to dental treatment. Should I say anything?

[ilovehugs]

A new family has moved in across the road. They have a little girl who my DD has made friends with. She is lovely. Bright, bubbly happy and healthy but has SEVERE tooth decay. My DD had tooth decay (now resolved for over two years) and sees a specialist dentist to give her teeth extra protection. As a result, I'm very clued up now on how painful and damaging, short and long term tooth decay of this level can be if left. All her teeth are badly decayed. She showed me her 'new tooth' today, which was her top front tooth emerging deformed with a black tip next to four black patches (teeth rotted away to nothing) flush with her gum. When she smiles, her bottom teeth are very obviously decayed also. Also her upper lip is constantly swollen from the infection. Her breath smells and I think it's probably because of the very severe decay. She is fiddling with her mouth all the time. The family is new to the UK and may not have had the knowledge of how to look after her teeth, they may not have had access to dentists. It really is very severe. I don't know if I should try and talk to the mum. I will probably really offend her. What should I do?

Personally, I would wait and see what happens when they go back to school/nursery next week. If you don't hear about a dentist trip soon, then maybe a rethink, but schools tend to have dentists visiting and if its really as bad as you say, I'm sure one of the teachers will say something x

Nothing - its not your child and you would seriously offend her! get to know her by being friendly and neighbourly and maybe when you know her better you can ask if she needs introducing to local Drs and Dentists so she can register.

They'll pick up on it at school.

It really is that bad :( . She's school age and I think by her very good English (she can write well too) she may have been to school in a different area. I hope it is sorted, but it's obviously been left for a very long time to get to this state.

Why don't you give the family a list of helpful local things such as dentist and docs with notes underneath explaining how the NHS works.

That's a good way to approach it nokidshere. Good plan.

That's a brilliant idea. Will do that tomorrow NCForNow.

Does she complain of any pain. if she does phone her mum asd say you dd has tooth ache is it ok to give her some calpol. you can then say my dd had the same thing, if you are not registered yet my dentist is really good with children.

You can add things like Brownies, Cubs and local kids clubs too.

Hmmmm, maybe I'll ask her if it hurts when she is fiddling and strike up a conversation about my DD having tooth decay and how we resolved it etc. Tricky conversation though, esp if mum has just left it for some reason. Worth a try though.

My dad had false teeth at 17 because he had something wrong with his teeth (I think it was the enamel? But not sure

Anyway his teeth looke terrible and used to crumble and he had constant treatment and filling

His own dad didn't consent to removal/ false teeth so he lied to the dentist lol

Just saying... You never know

you say "The family is new to the UK" so perhaps you can fill them in?

I hate to see that. I would be completely tactless I'm afraid and say something. It's shocking and preventable in my view and a parents responsibility to prevent.

School starts soon

but IF noting seems to be done I think caring for the girl takes priority over offending someone TBH

personally I would give the woman a map, application form and info on the nearest NHS dentist. and I would offer to walk her there and make an appt. I would imagine its a $$ issue rather than deliberate neglect

easy to say...but the poor girl....

Can I ask how your DD's decay was fixed?

DS2 has decay in 4 teeth but the dentist won't do anything.

It's my fault (combination of bf at night/ being lax with crap/ not insisting on teeth cleaning when he complained - was going through Stuff at the time. Not an excuse, but a reason.) They aren't getting worse, with regular brushing and strong toothpaste, but not better either!

I wouldn't say anything - leave it to school.

Sorry - got to ask as I'm a first time mum - can a new tooth grow throught with decay?

If family from overseas from a country that's doesn;t have easy access to dental care they might not understand the complexities of access to health services her. But be tactful - it's their call. On the other hand they might know lots and not give a shit and, if so, the school will hopefully pick it up.

poor kid but there isnt anything you can do is there other signs of neglect at home you could call social services if you are worried but I do think the school will pick up on it, not sure about new teeth coming in decayed

New teeth can be affected by bad diet in the gums iirc, and if they are so badly decayed the decay will be up by the new teeth coming through.

Antibiotics can harm some babies teeth when given young, so it's not always down to poor diet.

I think the school will pick up on it pretty quickly tbh. I remember a girl at school whose teeth were black with decay

I think some of the suggestions up thread about giving some advice about local dentists is excellent. Dental decay can be part of a picture of general neglect( I'm NOT saying it is all or even most of the time). Decay in children's teeth doesn't always need active treatment, so if the child's diet is changed and toothbrushing is improved the decay can be arrested and although it doesn't look nice if it isn't getting any worse this may be a better option than difficult invasive treatment on a young child. This approach needs to be carefully monitored by the dentist and parents. I'm not sure about the school picking it up children's teeth are no longer checked by a school dentist. The teachers may report it but advice from a friend who has experience might be better received?

thanks oinky, I think to assume school will adress this might not be far off

and I think people do have to interfere when they see something that can basically be classified as neglect

Well update. Had a chat to the mum today but chickened out of saying anything and giving her dentist stuff as it seemed to obvious. On the plus side I did find out which school she is starting at and I know a few people who work there. I'm thinking about mentioning it at the same time as saying that the family seem lovely and the girl is really happy and well cared for in other respects.

CrunchyFrog - My daughter lost teeth which could have been filled. The NHS don't always do filings, especially on younger ones. I would define my daughters care as 'supervised neglect'. We now take her to a place called Tooth Beary which is a childrens only dentist. They can fill and repair and treat teeth on tiny children due to various things like DVD's above the bed, paediatric mouth dams, silent tools, special techniques for working with children. Sadly we found out about it too late to save my DD's teeth, but she has had a fissure seal done there at a young age which my dentist refused to do. They even do sedation for children. I was told that the NHS only fill teeth on children who are older or disabled.

Gosh that's so untrue about filling teeth! How awful for you

sorry by filled I mean saved - I think through a combination of caps, filings and resin restorations. I just wanted to add that from my personal experience of tooth decay and what we've been told by both the NHS hospital dentists and the private ones, although decay can 'arrest' leaving it in the mouth means allot more of the bacteria is around in the mouth which makes other teeth much more susceptible to decay. Apart from the foods themselves, there is bacteria called s mutans which most people have in their mouths. These bacteria feed off sugars in the foods we eat and produce acid which causes tooth decay. Teeth are very strong and are in a constant state of mineralisation and de mineralistion, excess bacteria in the mouth when combined with poor brushing, frequent snacking, genetics, diet etc etc can be enough to tip the balance in favor of tooth decay. You can have fissure seals placed over very mild decay, providing it's removed before hand, fissure seals on other teeth that are heading that way, fillings. As soon as teeth are repaired the bacteria levels in the mouth will fall - so I understand it. You are also saving precious teeth. You can even have fluoride varnishes applied. I bitterly regret not doing my homework better and just accepting the dentists decisions just leave my daughters decay. It did arrest but it took time and her teeth got worse as it did. She had an accident and chipped her tooth close to the root, it got poorly and they put her under a general to remove it as she was 3. As she had a fair few generals as a baby they insisted on removing any teeth with even the slightest patch of decay incase they caused problems in the future. I later found out that they could have been saved, but not on the NHS. they could have filled them when she was under, but didn't because they only do that for disabled children (so many children needing extractions). The other destists are geared around adults and can't do much for children until they are much older and capable of sitting still in the chair. Phew!!! rant over, but please CrunchyFrog, don't accept supervised neglect on the NHS. At the very least you can get fluoride varnish applied or ring around and see if there are any local dentist that would be prepared to fill. Tooth Beary costs allot, but is good value for it does in my opinion. We are lucky that we are able to credit card the preventative treatment she has now.