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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DP?

24 replies

ListenToYourHeart · 23/08/2012 22:15

I'll try to keep this short...

Recently moved into a new rented flat with DP, our DD who's 2 and our dog. Lots of decoratin cleaning to do however flat is finally looking like a home with one more room to decorate.

Tonight we come home from PIL and have a lot to get done for SIL's wedding on Saturday, bags to be packed as were staying in a hotel, clothes to pick up etc and the whole flat had to been cleaned as paint was everywhere and dirt was getting dragged around we agreed that when we got home we would make dinner, bath and bed DD and get everything done together. So we get home and DP says I'm off to walk the dog will be back in an hour, I say please only be an hour we have so much to get done before tomorrow he says ok.

Then comes home three hours later and says oh the flat looks nice, glad all the paint come up of the wooden floors, oh and I see DD is in bed, took abit longer as i bumped into my mate mike, I felt so pissed off I replied with of course she's in bed it's 9:30 at night, you were gone 3 hours thanks for leaving me to do everything just like last week (he done exactly the same last week when I was painting). Turns into a argument and he's says I'm being unreasonable to be pissed off and I should have just left the flat how it was if I didn't wana clean it.

So I walked away and got a bit upset, to then see he's phone on the side light up with a text from he's mate mike saying thanks for meeting up tonight was a laugh, like old times so I read the text (me and dp have always been open with eacothers iphones) and see that they had actually arranged earlier to meet up at 6ish tonight.

So who's being unreasonable?
I feel like he's been so selfish to leave me to do all the flat, cook, bath DD, bed DD, sort all the flat when he's had a eve with a friend and I can't even remember last time I went out without DD.

OP posts:
ListenToYourHeart · 23/08/2012 22:17

Sorry for mistakes etc on my iPhone! Angry

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 23/08/2012 22:17

Do you really need to ask?

He is dishonest and was very happy to leave you to do all the graft. Nice chap you've got there. Diamond catch.

Casmama · 23/08/2012 22:18

He's a selfish twat.

Mama1980 · 23/08/2012 22:20

How selfish I'm Angry on your behalf. What I find more worrying though is the dishonesty. If he was just thoughtless that's one thing but he planned in advance and then lied to your face Sad

HumphreyCobbler · 23/08/2012 22:21

that is deeply selfish behavior.

ListenToYourHeart · 23/08/2012 22:30

Glad to see others think he is selfish.
Was starting to feel maybe I was being unreasonable, I just feel so angry I've given up so much to move to this area with him (it's home town, where he's family all live) I'm now 2 hours away from my family, with no car and he's started to act really selfish Sad...
If he had said I'm meeting my mate tonight before agreeing to do everything with me I would have been fine about it, but your right it's the dishonesty that's probably making me Angry

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 23/08/2012 22:31

He's a twat, leave the bastard.

ListenToYourHeart · 23/08/2012 22:49

Wish I didn't love him sometimes so "leaving the bastard" would be easy Angry

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ToothbrushThief · 23/08/2012 22:57

Chatting too long...bad manners but happens.

Dishonesty - sorry but this would always be a dealbreaker for me. If someone can glibly lie over even a small thing you lose trust and without trust it's crap

Nobhead · 23/08/2012 22:59

I would ask him why he felt the need to blatently lie about his plans and that it's not the meeting up with mates that bothers you it's the fact he bull shitted about it and left you todo all the shitty stuff. I would also make plans for say next week maybe to have a "night off" yourself to do whatever and leave loads of stuff for him to do. He's been a bit of a prick really.

StuntGirl · 23/08/2012 23:00

Selfish behaviour. I guess he knew you'd do all the work (since you did it all last week). Think you need a chat about why he felt the need to lie to you.

Sarahplane · 23/08/2012 23:02

He's being a twat.

ListenToYourHeart · 24/08/2012 01:15

Tried to have a talk with him but apparently I would have gotten in a bad mood if he had told me he was meeting he's friend...

Firstly I don't care when/what friends he goes out with usually just the fact we have a lot to get done, if he had mentioned meeting a friend I would have nicely asked if he could have arranged it for another night as there was a lot to do I certainly wouldn't have gotten in a bad mood.

And secondly hmm we already have some trust issues but I thought we was over them honestly don't know why he lied tonight, however he's on the sofa tonight as I cant be bothered to go over it now just gunna leave him to sulk.

OP posts:
fairyfriend · 24/08/2012 01:32

I've known several people save OW in their phone under a male name to avoid having to hide their phones. Including my ex.
Just saying, like.

Margerykemp · 24/08/2012 03:06

Selfish twat, hope you have better luck in your next relationship

AKissIsNotAContract · 24/08/2012 03:14

Have you met Mike? Are you sure mike isn't actually Michelle?

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 24/08/2012 03:25

He's being a cunt.

OccamsRaiser · 24/08/2012 03:35

we agreed that when we got home we would make dinner, bath and bed DD and get everything done together
This is the bit that would really get me... So if he did "agree", or if it was discussed, then he has not just dodged his responsibilities around the home, but flat out lied. That's a crap thing to do to your partner... I'd be inclined to call him out on that. Don't be distracted by arguments about how he doesn't get time to catch up with his mates etc. The crux of it it that if he's agreed to do something then he needs to take care of that before any of the stuff he wants to do. I'm sure there's a million things you'd like to do instead of cleaning, but you don't get to shirk your responsibilities, so neither should he.

Hope you manage to settle in the new town quickly, and things work out for you. Maybe look into whether there are local groups for any hobbies you have, and let him know that you'll be attending those on X night, and he will be on home duties then. Might help avoid feeling resentful about him 'belonging' if you've got your own circle of friends?

ChasedByBees · 24/08/2012 03:51

He's a selfish liar.

SoHHKB · 24/08/2012 08:03

Agree with Occams - get your own life in your new town as quickly as possible. Walk the dog, go to toddler groups with your DD, find classes to go to yourself and keep in touch with old friends too.
It will do your partner and DD good to have time together and DD will be better off having a mum who isn't frustrated and unsatisfied... Good luck! Smile

ListenToYourHeart · 24/08/2012 09:47

Thanks for all the replies Smile

Yeah I'm sure mike is defiantly mike, I've met him a few times this week and I've read over the text convos so know its not a OW and see when he walked in with the dog that mike was just walking away from our front door (he lives local)

Out of all of it what upset me was the lying, and as a above poster said about leaving me to do everything at home after he had agreed to do it together.

Thank you for the advice about getting out and socialising, I do plan to ASAP just been trying to get our new place sorted first and get SIL wedding out the way as I'm quite involved with all the helping out.

Then I think I need to have a very long chat with DP about the Lying and selfishness.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 24/08/2012 10:19

And next time he says he's just going to walk the dog, YOU take the dog out and he can get started on the work right away.

ListenToYourHeart · 24/08/2012 16:49

That's a good idea! Will remember that one.. Well today I got up rang and booked a hair appointment and told him I would be off out at 1 to get my hair done, then after that I thought ah I'll got get my nails done.. So I've left him with DD and the work! Grin
Good job for MN Wink

OP posts:
thebeesnees79 · 24/08/2012 17:17

I think he is totally selfish but telling someone to leave the twat is a bit extreme. you just need to make it known that its really pissed you off and he is in the wrong.
Its the dishonesty that would piss me off too. good luck, men can be very selfish sometimes x

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