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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

whos is Being Unreasonable in this case?

11 replies

unsureofthefuture · 23/08/2012 21:59

Best friend died recently, suddenly. I was told of her illness before even her own partner knew, I carried that burden of knowledge for about a week before he knew what was happening, it was awful. I spent as much time by her bedside as I could, whilst also supporting her mum and other family members.
A few days after my friend passed away I stayed with her dp and dcs for one night, he got plastered and we talked alot, during the conversation he told me how hed hated my friend in the months previous, how hed thought she was fat and lazy and couldnt be bothered, and although through fb stautes id heard his dicontenment for him to say that to me of all people was truely shocking. During the conversation he also asks if I will go in the funeral car with him.
The following day was not that much better, I witnessed conversations with the dcs that were extremely innapropriate,verging on abusive. I avoided him till the funeral, I couldnt ring and have a conversation with him after everything, especially when everything for me was still so raw.

At the funeral I was accosted by another "friend" of my friend, as I stepped out the funeral car "why were you in the car?">weeks on, it transpires the conversation is about me?!

I feel crap, The person who accosted me about the car was very unhappy about not being mentioned in the euolgy(to the point she made a fb status about how she didnt recieve any recognition), but I DIDNT want to be in it in the first place, in fact I begged the two people responsible for it to not mention me at all, I knew this would happen. I dont feel Ive done anything wrong yet 50 odd people hate me.

is she BU?

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 23/08/2012 22:02

Yes. But I guess people are irrational sometimes when they are grieving.
So sorry for your loss.

Krumbum · 23/08/2012 22:05

Yes. But you don't have to have anything to do with these people anymore. Try to be there for your friends children. But try and ignore this, you need time to grieve. Not be bullied.

CrispyCod · 23/08/2012 22:08

Sorry for your loss. This must be a difficult time for you, the last thing you need is crap from so called friends.

I'm not a fan of Facebook and I don't understand how people can have a conversation about something as senstive as this online.

unsureofthefuture · 23/08/2012 22:08

Well thats it krum, those involved were swiftly deleted off my fb, If only I could bypass her dp and still see the dcs but I still need to maintain a connection with him so i can see and have the dcsSad

OP posts:
WelshMaenad · 23/08/2012 22:13

Who the FUCK has a whinge on Facebook about how they didn't get fawned over mentioned in a eulogy? I mean really, who is that self absorbed? There are children grieving their mother and she's got her nose out of joint because she didn't feel
She hot enough recognition at someone else's funeral?

You do not need to concern yourself with such fuckwittery, OP. I am so sorry for your loss.

feebeecat · 23/08/2012 22:19

Sorry for your loss and the fact that you are having to go through this as well. People do act in odd ways when someone dies, sometimes they just have to lash out and will pick on the most ridiculous things - I can't believe she challenged you as you got out of the car, that was really not the time.
As has been said, I think you should try and distance yourself a little from them, let them know you will always be there for the dcs, but do allow yourself some time to grieve too.
And if at all possible, stay away from Facebook, it can be a total cesspit at times.
Take care of yourself.

unsureofthefuture · 23/08/2012 22:39

welsh-I agree completely, I was horrified and disgusted when I read it.
feebeecat- I think thats what Ill have to do, I havent been on fb alot recently, just not the same without my friendSad but I agree its vile on there sometimes, just hope he doesnt punish the dcs by stopping me seeing them.

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 23/08/2012 22:45

As you were a real friend I assume you were grieving at the funeral.

Friends who were/are bitching on FB are either focused on the wrong issue because of their grief or not really grieving at all. Assuming you know them better than MN, then you can tell what the situation is.

Shame the DP was so horrid about your friend. Maybe that's why she told you about her health first? Keep visiting her DC's, it sounds like they need a positive influence and stories about their DM.

Give yourself time to grieve too, away from the people who are clouding your judgement and making this sad time even harder.

HiHowAreYou · 23/08/2012 22:54

Death can bring out the worst in people. :(

Sorry for your loss.

kim147 · 23/08/2012 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unsureofthefuture · 23/08/2012 23:38

Thanks for the replies
I just cant believe how a situation like this was, can turn people into utterly shitty horrible humans. At the end it could of been described as last one standing wins a car, iyswim by that at all,it shouldnt have been like that. Its turned into somewhat of a competition, who writes the most on her fb wall, whos been to the cem to visit her, I refuse to partake, what matters is she was MY closest friend(regardless of where i ranked to her) and now shes gone, no talking about it or visiting her grave is going to bring her backSad

OP posts:
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