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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel abit cross about being given a paperback book for my 1st wedding anniversary present?

27 replies

lizzielogs · 23/08/2012 10:26

I bought my husband a lovely limited edition print by a local artist for our 1st (paper) wedding anniversary. I really had to hide my disappointment when he presented me with 2 paperback books in a plastic carrier bag. They're not even interesting - just random novels. What do you guys think? I know its not about the money (though he does have a well paid job in the city..), but I would of thought the first year he might of made abit more of an effort.

OP posts:
itsatiggerday · 23/08/2012 10:29

I got given the new Harry Potter for ours (can you tell how long ago...). Was delighted. But then I love to read anything and everything

If you have wildly different expectations of the level of cost / effort / uniqueness / beautiful wrapping involved in anniversary (and birthday) presents, you need to have a conversation with him and arrive at an agreed compromise. Otherwise you're going to feel resentful every year....

mummmsy · 23/08/2012 10:32

yabu - paper is the 'material' (?) of a first anniversary - like paper, glass, ruby, gold, silver, diamond

actually your other half was being very thoughtful, esp as they are limited eds!? what were you expecting I wonder? and what did you get him?

bigpantspam · 23/08/2012 10:35

Mummmsy... You didn't read the op ver well did you? Wink

trikken · 23/08/2012 10:36

His presents were the limited Ed. He gave her two random books. That is thoughtless imo.

GnocchiNineDoors · 23/08/2012 10:36

Maybe a discussion about expectations is needed?

Dh and I dodnt buy gifts - card each and a meal out.

bigpantspam · 23/08/2012 10:36

Very...

mummmsy · 23/08/2012 10:37

oh duh! sorry!

Bellyjaby · 23/08/2012 10:37

Whilst I won't say he wasn't thoughtless you've dine better than my mother. Dad got her loo roll.

Cabrinha · 23/08/2012 10:40

mummmsy do read the op dear! Grin

OP, the fact he may have even stopped to think that 1st = paper shows he put some thought in.

Anniversary presents are meaningless, what counts is the effort you put into a marriage all year. If he is a good husband, suck it up!

thisisyesterday · 23/08/2012 10:40

you should divorce him.

Original poster
lizzielogs · 23/08/2012 10:42

mummmsy - I propably am being over sensitive.

I bought him a limited edition picture, something he could keep, enjoy forever, of a local place we both enjoy visiting.

I have a huge range of interests, any of which he could of bought me a book about. The books he did buy me were not limited editions - I think you misread my post, & not by anyone I've ever heard of before.

OP posts:
diddl · 23/08/2012 10:43

Some people put more store by gifts than others.

I can´t see why every occasion has to be marked with a present tbh.

If you wanted something in particular, why didn´t you say?

Is he usually crap (iyo) at gifts?

Kayano · 23/08/2012 10:43

I got a 1st anniversary take away and a cuddle

shrug

thisisyesterday · 23/08/2012 10:44

but did he think you would like them? because that's what matters isn't it?

and even if he did just walk in and pick up 2 random books... is getting a good gift what this is all about? i mean, you didn't just get married so you would get some great presents each year right? if you love him and your marriage is good i think this really isn't a big deal

gwenniebee · 23/08/2012 10:51

We don't do anniversary presents. In fact DH didn't even get a card from me this year as DD was only 3 weeks old and my planned card buying time got shat on... literally!

Puppypanic · 23/08/2012 10:51

We don't really do presents on our anniversary but if we did I would be overjoyed to get a paperback edition of Bring up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel but would be devastated to receive a copy of 50 Shades of Shite Grin!

Kizza2 · 23/08/2012 10:54

We do anniversary presents and my husband has always made an effort with gifts- if u dont like it, tell him......maybe next time he will get u something u really like?

Original poster
lizzielogs · 23/08/2012 10:56

OK, so I am being over sensitive, but next year he's getting cotton hankies!

Its just a bit galling when he buys his 17 yr old a £1000 mac for his birthday..

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 23/08/2012 10:56

i'd rather have books than a picture of a local spot. maybe he could be less than thrilled with what you got him. but then he'd BU too, because it doesn't really matter whether it's a whizzbang gift. just that you thought of him. and i agree with those who say it showed thought that he got you a paper anything. and to focus on gifts rather than time spent together is wrong-headed anyhow. have you had a happy year? if so then the gifts are immaterial.

pinkdelight · 23/08/2012 10:59

"Its just a bit galling when he buys his 17 yr old a £1000 mac for his birthday.."

That is what i mean about being really wrong-headed. You, I mean, for fixating on the 'value' of the gift. Not him for getting his kid a mac. I just don't get women (or men) who go nuts for expensive pressies. If you want something, buy yourself something.

Original poster
lizzielogs · 23/08/2012 11:00

The last book he saw he read was by Ranulph Fiennes - now that was a good book ...

I know, get over it..

OP posts:
chickenwingsmmmm · 23/08/2012 11:47

For my tenth wedding anniversary I got a money tin with the joker (from batman on it). Because the anniversay is tin/aluminium.

I loved it. Cost about 2 quid. I haven't used a money tin in ages and not really into batman. But still.
The other 9 anniversaries have been present free, thank god.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 23/08/2012 12:17

1st is traditionally cotton. Second is paper. The US is paper first then cotton, for PPs above.

Iamsparklyknickers · 23/08/2012 12:21

What kind of thing does he get/do for your birthday? maybe anniversaries just don't feature as high on the scale of events for him?

Don't be jealous of a teenager.

Hopeforever · 23/08/2012 12:29

It's all about love languages. You obviously express your love by thought full presents among other things.

Your DH will have other ways of showing you he loves you. You need to work out what that is as you may be hurting him unintentionally by not responding.

For instance my DH brings me a cup of tea in bed every day, it's his way of saying I Love You.

He does not get me expensive or well thought out presents, he doesn't always get me a card for our anniversary. He thinks being loving everyday is better.

Much as I like presents I have now learnt to accept what he offers, but it has taken nearly 20 years.

You can also show your love to him in different ways depending on how he responds. Perhaps accepting his son being given an expensive computer is more important to him than a present? Just a thought, I could be way out of line

Isn't there a book on love languages?