To sulk over not getting my night in a lovely hotel.

[midnightisaplace]

At the weekend we are travelling to see inlaws and staying with them for four nights. I had booked a lovely posh hotel for DH and I for the second night (DH's birthday) and we were planning on leaving Ds(2.11) with his grandparents.

DS has always been a very independent child who would happily go off with anyone so I didn't think there would be a problem with this. However, yesterday was our anniversary and I arranged for DS to stay with my parents whilst DH and I had a lovely romantic meal and night to ourselves ( NB we don't just palm DS off to relatives all the time. These were to be the only two occasions all year.). Anyway to cut a long story short my mum ended up bringing DS back at 8pm saying he was upset and wouldn't settle.

DS sees my parents every day so I am presuming that if he won't settle for them he will be a nightmare for the inlaws who he only sees a couple of times a year. Therefore I think I need to cancel the hotel, rather Than have a very expensive night out spoiled.

I know this is a very first world problem but I have been looking forward to this for ages and DH and I could probably do with a bit of couple time. We are falling into a big rut! I just want to sulk like a child who has had a lollipop taken off them.

What do you think? Should I cancel the hotel or just leave my inlaws to deal with probably distraught child?

It could just be a one off ? If he's going somewhere new and being spoilt then it will be more exciting than being with familiar people.

Maybe you should try having them babysitting at your house instead, he might settle for them in his own house?

If that works, could they stay overnight at yours to let you have your night away?

How much time did your DS spend with your parents before you left for your night out? My DD21mths doesn't see my parents that often, about once a month, so when I left her overnight for the first time recently we took her there the day before, stayed ourselves that night and left lunchtime the next day.

Would that help your DS as I think you said you've booked the night away for the second night?

Oh and YANBU to sulk, I know I would!!

jeezypeeps that is a good idea but won't work this weekend as inlaws live in a different country to us. I think we will probably have to abandon our plans for this weekend and try to get away later in the year with someone staying at ours. Doesn't stop me wanting to stamp my foot though!!!

Was he actually that upset when he came back or was it that your mum found it hard to settle him and he wasn't actually so bad? Could you maybe settle him to sleep at the in-laws then sneak out for your hotel night? Late dinner and early bed

They brought him back at 8? I don't think I'd've given up that quickly (although obviously that depends on how distressed he was).

We don't go away often either so I totally sympathise. Do you think his other grandparents might try to settle him for longer (esp if the stakes were higher, with you at an expensive hotel rather than at home?)

I must say that bringing him back at 8pm because he wouldn't settle seems awfully early. Are your parents perhaps a little less able to cope? Not a criticism - we don't leave ds with the family we have nearby as we know they would not cope with curve balls but would leave him with mil or my mum as they both would.

Are your mil happy to cope with a potentially somewhat unsettled night? If so, don't cancel your plans. You may need to accept their way if dealing would probably be different to yours though. I know if ds was being difficult at night mil would get him up, play with him, watchvtv etc. but I would take the approach that she needs to do whatever works for her if I am the one sleeping in a lovely hotel.

Back2Two I understand what you are saying. Too be honest I was a little annoyed at my mum last night for bringing him home. She knows that we never get to have any time to ourselves and that we were really looking forward to this. I know DS was upset but there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to spend the night at his grandparents who he knows very well and is usually delighted to be with.

My mother in law is great with him and would probably just put up with it if he started having a tantrum. However she doesn't get to see him very often and I would feel guilty forcing her to deal with the bad side of things when she is so looking forward to seeing him.

FWIW, when my DD stayed at my parents she didn't go to sleep till 10pm (normally in bed by 8pm). My mum was tired but for her, it was one night and she was happy to persevere. Maybe your Mum has a lower threshold for an unsettled toddler and your inlaws would actually be fine?

What do you mean by 'first world problem'?
Do you think there are no hotels in the third world? Or people don't go to hotels in the thirds world? Or there are no people in the third world?

Silibilimili I just meant hat it isn't really a big problem in the scheme of things. Nobody is dying.

First world problem = OP recognises its not that a big a deal compared to starving children in the 3rd world or comparable world issue.
Quite a common expression on here!!

Thanks both. I have read this term on here several times and more frequently in the last couple of weeks. I just think its patronising.
By not haut say, not a big problem in the greater scheme of things? Instead of saying 'we live in a better world, no big problems here, poor third world...' iYSWIM

Sorry don't mean to take over your thread. Got out of bed the wrong way!

Enjoy your day.

I think what I am going to do is to play it safe. I will cancel the hotel but plan to go out for a posh meal in the local town. I might also cheekily ask mother in law if she would be willing to get up with DS the morning after to let us have a lie in.

One of the main reasons I was looking forward to night away is that DS wakes up around 6am every morning and I was looking forward to a little sleep in. I can't remember the last time I got to sleep past 6.30.

I'd go anyway
Your mil canjust cuddle him to sleep if necessary
If you were going into hospital to give birth, have an operation etc your mum would have coped

I'd ask your in laws if they are able to manage if he doesn't settle. To bring him back at 8 sounds very early. Just how bad was he? Have you asked? I wonder if your parents have a lower tolerance. Chances are if you're staying the first night at the inlaws your 2 yr old will be able to settle with you there and be just fine. I wouldn't cancel.

Don't cancel yet, see how your ds is with your in-laws when you arrive, especially as you will all be there for a night to settle in.

You need a break and you say your MIL is capable. You will be there for 4 nights in total, so 1 night of babd behaviour from a 2 year old isn't that bad is it? I know my PIL would do it in a heartbeat but not my mum.

Does it matter if ds ends up staying up late watching tv or whatever for one night? You will be back in the morning rested and ds will be happy to see you.

Well, that's what I would do anyway.

Can you talk to your in-laws before you go and explain to them what happened with your parents and see if they are still happy to do it? Hopefully they will be and they can then be forearmed for any problems, and you can go knowing they are game even if DS doesn't settle.

Tell them your mum brought him back at 8pm and see if they think that was what they would have done or if they would have resolved to try for longer. I guess that will tell you if you will get a phone call at hotel needing you back.

They could abandon his routine, keep him in pyjamas downstairs watching DVDs until he can't keep his eyes open any longer.

I hope you get your night away!

Thanks everyone! I'm glad nobody said that I was being unreasonable even considering leaving DS with PILs who he rarely sees. I'm pretty sure he was just playing up last night because he knew he could get away with it. I think I am just feeling a little guilty as I have been a SAHM for the last four or five months but am going back to work full time in September. DS knows this and is a little unsettled.