To not want my 13 year old DD to dye her hair

[Leena49]

My DD is going on and on about wanting to dye her hair and keeps showing me pictures of all her friends in her year who have been allowed to dye their hair reds or plum or burgundy or whatever. I don't agree with it I think it looks crap. She has lovely Long brown hair. She is 5 foot 5 already and doesn't need to do anything to alter her appearance.
Am I being unreasonable?

I was about your dd's age when I started dying my hair, like the other posters, using those temporary ones.

Tbh I can't see the problem, my ground rules were no bleach and nothing permanent, and I think that was just because of maintenance issues, also meant I didn't do anything to drastic.

It really is a right of passage to follow trends and look like a div in your teens, better she does it early IMO. I wouldn't trade those photos of me with coffee shimmer lippy and burgundy hair for anything, I looked bloody awful, but I also looked like my friends and we all thought we were fabulous!

A trip to the hairdressers where the very young and camp hairdresser told 15 year old DD what lovely hair she had, "such a lovely colour, darling," stopped any ideas of wanting to dye it.

She had considered dip-dyeing at the start of the holidays, and I would have agreed, knowing it could easily be chopped off at the end of the holidays, but she's since dismissed that as being a bit "chavvy" (her words).

I can see why you don't want her to dye it - she's only 13! My DD is only 18 months, but reading your post made me feel quite emotional - due to pregnancy hormones

What about taking her to the hairdressers for the 'dip-dye' thing in a reddish tint? Then your DD gets to fit in and try something different but it can be easily grown out and cut off when she is bored with it.

My Mum was pretty lax about hair dying from what I've read here. I started dying my hair temporary colours (such as purple and blue) at 12. At 13 I turned up at home after a day out with friends with permanent jet black hair my mum was surprised but wasn't shocked as I'd threatened to do it for ages as I got a lot of stick at school for being a red head. At 16 my Mum took me to have it part bleached out and florescent pink put in and at around 19 I stripped it out and went red before going a darker red and eventually growing it out because I couldn't be bothered with the effort of keeping on top of it. I've been my natural colour for about 6 years now.

I don't have a daughter myself but I wouldn't stop my son's doing it.

at dds school every second girl has badly dyed "red" hair - allmost all really regret it

Oh just let her,

the colours you mention sound fine, point her towards semi's?

its a rite of passage.

I was using those wash out sachets at her age...I think they were called 'Toners' or something.

They only lasted for a few washes though.

It's a bit like sex though. If she really wants to do it she'll do it anyway. At her age I really wanted to dye my blonde, curly hair. My parents didn't want me too, and I didn't have much cash, so I used food colouring. Red food colouring. I looked like a clown.

How about a crazy colour? The aubergine is beautiful, washes out over a few washes and conditions hair too.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, my older daughter is 15 and I would be gutted if she wanted to dye her hair. I do also exercise some say over her clothes choices. Maybe it is different because we live in the country, so children are children for longer?

Dyed hair on teenagers usually looks rubbish and when you get to my age, you are condemmed to dying to cover grey, so I think girls should enjoy their natural hair while they can.

Having said that, I wouldn't get into a big fight over it, but I have found if I put her off something for a while, after time she loses interest. Teens are all about the instant gratification and if they have to wait (until a certain age/exams are passed) often no longer want to do it.

Thanks for replies. So far she hasn't mentioned it today so I'm using the avoidance tactic. I will see if it comes up again and if it does suggest she puts in a streak or two with something that will wash out.

Could you compromise on highlights or a wash out dye?

My mum used to dye my hair from the age of about 11, and although there was very good reason, it really does ruin your hair.

Wow,you are all very lenient! I was allowed a few fine highlights at about 15,teeny bit of makeup & hairgel. I did look entirely different by the time I got in the bus to school though. Sorry mum :o

Something that will wash out is a really good compromise.
I am thinking I will produce a completely "Meh" response when DD suggests this.

My ten year old took an old toothbrush and my mousstache bleach and gave herself highlights. She did a good job. I disapprove obviously but think yourself lucky your dd asked your PERMISSION.

Let her use some of the toners or temporary wash-in, wash-out ones as a compromise.

I dye my hair all sorts of unnatural colours (was orange last week, red this week) but I wouldn't let any kids of mine full on bleach their hair til much older. More temporary dyes I wouldn't have a problem with though.

And I would definitely stop controlling her clothes. Give her an allowance and let her choose herself.

I have a son but even so couldn't give a flying fig what he wants to do to his hair either now or as a teen. I imagine I'd feel the same if I had a daughter. It grows back/out doesn't it? Doesn't bother me in the slightest.