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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that I won't cave in to buying ds all of the latest technology? And is a portable dvd player the rocky road?

25 replies

anditwasallyellow · 23/08/2012 00:04

He's only 4 atm, have ended up having a bit of a debate on the phone with my mum over what I will and won't end up having to buy ds in the future.

It all started because she's bought him a bunch of dvds for ds for Xmas and we discussed her or myself getting him a cheap portable dvd player. I was thinking more for long car journeys, planes and early mornings but she was thinking to 'send him to bed with a dvd'. I said this was never going to happen he sleeps beautifully and I'm not going to spoil that by getting him into the habit of falling asleep with a dvd.

Then we got onto the subject of computers and tvs in bedrooms and other pointless electronic itmes like ipads. I insisted that I will hold off buying any of these things for as long as possible as so long as we have a family tv and access to the internet via a laptop we are sorted. Ds pretty much has fre reign with the tv until bedtime and it will be the same with the laptop once he's old enough to know how to use it.

I said I couldn't stand how everyone feels they must have all of the latest gadgets only for the makers to bring out a new one 'the iphone 10 that can read your mind and see through walls' only for the old one that you paid £108979377 for to become redundant. She mentioned it being 'what the kids want', and talked about children 'having to do without'. Come on who's right?!

OP posts:

catyloopylou · 23/08/2012 00:45

YANBU. Stick to your guns. There is no earthly reason why a 4 year old needs any of those gadgets.

I find it incredible that a relative of mine with 2 DCs (8 & 11) has 11 TVs in his house! Also each DC has their own laptop. I wonder when they actually talk to each other?

My DS (18 m) won't be having his own laptop or mobile or DVD player or TV till he can pay for them himself

WelshMaenad · 23/08/2012 00:51

Well, there is a middle ground! Dd (6) has a portable DVD player, a DS Lite and a ipadalike tablety thing. She takes care if them, uses them appropriately (no DVD player in house, we watch the family tv together or nothing at all) and turns them off then I think she's had enough. They've been good for her - the DS/tablet have helped her fine motor skills and the DVD player gas been a godsend on long journeys and when she was in hospital.

We have no intention of allowing tvs in bedrooms, we don't even have one in ours; or mobile phones etc for a good long while. I think gadgetry can be fun and beneficial for kids as long as you engage your brain.

DozyDuck · 23/08/2012 07:44

DS (6) has an iPad (charity bought) and its been the best thing to help his communication, fine motor skills and reading and writing.

He doesn't have an Xbox or anything but he does have about a million DVDs which go on while he's playing so he can copy the play with toys and hopefully learn imaginative play

Electronic things if used correctly are not the works of the devil!

I second no DVD at bedtime though

GragPop · 23/08/2012 07:48

yanbu, I spent most of my school years staying up till 1 am playing games and watching the tour de france. It does you no good.

MsNobodyAgain · 23/08/2012 07:52

Stick to your guns. It's your choice, not hers. My Mum is exactly the same and wanted me get my DD a TV for her room at that age. I said no way. She has one now she is 9 but uses it very occasionally and is closely supervised.

My ex-h bought a portable dvd player (against my wishes) and gave it to DD on a long car journey. 30 minutes in, we had to pull over and clear puke from the back seat. Turns out DD can't handle watching a dvd and travelling at the same time.

MyLastDuchess · 23/08/2012 08:02

Kids having to do without? Good grief (she says reading this in her iPad). Yep not having every little thing you want (as opposed to need) is good practice for adult life because that's what it's like for most of us!

Where's MY portable DVD player? I would love to go to bed with a DVD. But i have to do without!

YANBU.

BikeRunSki · 23/08/2012 08:04

I'm with you OP. My DS is 4 in 2 weeks. We bought car DVD player few weeks ago for a trip to Scotland (9 hours) and have used it for a trip to my mum's (Somerset, 6 hours) and Whitby (2 hours). He knows that it is only for long journeys - occassionally asks - v tongue in cheek - if he can have it when we're staying a lot more local, but knows that the answer is "no". The rule is not for journeys less than 2 hours.

I too intend to resist the gadget tide - but DH is a big fan of his iPad, so i might be fighting a loosing battle. DS hasn't shown any interest in gadgetry yet, but then he's not at school yet! I was actually quite surprised at how incompetent he is with a mouse compared to his nursery peers recently. They use a PC at nursery for basic drawing and phonics package.

As for TVs in your bedroom, don't like it. I grew up in a house with 4 DC and 1 tv, so as far as I'm concerned my DC are at an advantage as as they only have 1 sibling to squabble over the channels with!

DozyDuck · 23/08/2012 08:10

Bike I would teach him how to use a pc though. Think about jobs these days, whatever they are, most require use of a pc.

Caerlaverock · 23/08/2012 08:12

Portable dvd players are fabulous for long journeys

BikeRunSki · 23/08/2012 18:15

Duck, yes, seeing some of his nursery friends use the pc at nursery so well the other week really surprised me, and we have been playing a bit on the Fireman Sam website. It's his birthday soon, and I have been looking at a computer games. for him - building and phonics, not Grand Theft auto.

DozyDuck · 23/08/2012 19:17

Bike not grand theft auto. I think there's a lot to be said for cbeebies games/ educational computer games for the of, and knowing how to use a tablet as these seem to be becoming more and more popular.

However grand theft auto... Urrm maybe not. There's a big difference between useful technology and playing games on a computer when you could be getting exercise.

BackforGood · 23/08/2012 19:25

YANBU. Some people have lots of technology, some people don't. Some parents have the stuff, but set time limits, others don't. Ultimately, it is up to you, as his parent to set the rules for your dc.
Once they hit 15 or so, then (IME) you compromise a bit more from what you thought you would allow, but at 4 - you are definitely the one to be making those decisions.

fuzzpig · 23/08/2012 19:32

No, I'm with you OP - no need for this rush into gadgets when he is so little :)

fuzzpig · 23/08/2012 19:34

I do agree about computers being important - but some time now and again on the family pc or even at the library is enough at that age, IMO, when at school they get loads of opportunity to practise. :)

chandellina · 23/08/2012 20:06

Yanbu, and the less the better IMO. Anyone who argues that small children need to use tablets, etc. should be reminded that they are designed to be accessible to a two year old - your child is not going to be left behind.

Knittingnovice · 23/08/2012 20:34

We have a portable DVD player for camping and long journeys in the car. I have an iPad and let the dc's use it (they are 4 & 2y6m) they enjoy playing phonics games and drawing games. They also use dh's laptop for playing cbeebies games. But they will not gett tv's etc in their rooms until they are absolutely necessary (probably when they go to uni!!)

We have talked about getting them cheap tablets rather than the vetch etc ones as we think they would have a longer shelf life, but that is all finances dependant!!

StateofConfusion · 23/08/2012 20:42

Yanbu!

We had in car dvd players when the dcs were 2 and 3 and they ignore our laptop/wii etc, they have no interest. Ds does now have an ipod but he'd have never asked for it, me and dp looked at nintendo ds/psps etc and decided an ipod touch did more he'd enjoy.

DozyDuck · 23/08/2012 21:43

TVs in bedrooms is a giant no for me. Bedroom are for sleeping! (or maybe that's just the autism mother in me) but DS does have a tv in his toy room with about a million DVDs.

They don't have to have their own pcs either, just access to one somewhere. Be it at the library if need be. I think practicing typing should be a close second to practising writing. If not probably more important in the future. (whether this is or not is irrelevant really as its probably inevitable)

Although... Now you can write on your touch screens and use your actual handwriting! (remembers a stand up joke but not who said it) so maybe this will go full circle by the time they grow up

I hope not because my handwriting is rubbish unless I write really really slowly

Text talk.... Don't get me started too many kids have lost grades on too many exams because of this habbit.

Original poster

anditwasallyellow · 23/08/2012 21:47

Now I would have no problem with ds accessing a computer or laptop but my arguement would be that even with that they don't need to. I didn't access a computer until I was about 15 and I am very competent now, I can type fast and use a pc all day for my job, I'm not sure that there are any head starts I think it is a skills that you can learn at any age.

OP posts:

DowagersHump · 23/08/2012 21:50

DS (5) has had a portable DVD player for a couple of years - we live a long way from a lot of people, I'm a single parent (and he's an only) and it gets used in the car. It goes in the hall cupboard the rest of the time. I have an ipod touch and he goes through phases with it. He got a wii for his 5th birthday and he absolutely loves it, so much so that he barely watches telly any more. I don't mind - it's interactive at least and it helps his motor control. As to tellies in bedrooms - over my dead body :o

WildWorld2004 · 23/08/2012 21:50

Its up to you as you are the parent.

My dd(8) has a ds which is my old one. That is the only gadget. Iv always said shes not getting tv/computers/mobiles etc until shes well into her teens. If her friends are around they will tell me what they want or are getting & i will reply by asking them 'why they need it' & d'ont you think you are too young for that'. What does an 8 year old need its own laptop for?

DozyDuck · 23/08/2012 21:52

But yellow they 'need' it for school. Even the early years foundation stage requires basic computer skills. Easier if you help them at home.

PatriciaHolm · 23/08/2012 21:55

It's entirely up to you. I can't see why a 4 year old would need his "own" technology tbh. We have a house stuffed with tech (DSs, Wii, laptops, iPad, iPhones, portable DVD players, portable games consoles etc) but they all belong to the adults! Kids (6 & 7) are allowed access but it's very much under our control. Portable DVD is for long car journeys/planes as others have said, no TVs in rooms here ever.

DowagersHump · 24/08/2012 08:47

Yes, you can no longer get away with no computer skills until the age of 15 I'm afraid. Even primary school children are expected to carry out research on the internet.

blisterpack · 24/08/2012 09:21

YANBU. My children have excellent computer skills but they don't have any gadgets of their own. DD1's friend was shocked that DD1 had to use my laptop for her schoolwork, as she (the friend) has a subset of every gadget in the house as her own inside her room. However her tech skills seem practically nil

Even my five year old brings a stack of books in the car on long journeys. I am very sure if I'd got her used to looking at screens on those she wouldn't be the reader she is. Her teacher made it a point to ask me at Parents Evening how it was that her reading was that good. i.e. whether it's something I actively pursued and taught her or something she cultivated on her own.

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