To be petrified of giving birth and think I will die

[shittingit]

Posting here, because of traffic (v sorry)

I am 33 weeks pregnant, 2nd pregnancy. First labour involved a lot of intervention (pre eclampsia), it was horrible and I had issues afterwards due to lack of aftercare which included being re-admitted into hospital after a week. I suffered bad flashbacks and panic attacks afterwards but didn't seek help as I was scared of being judged unfit to care for my new baby. My whole memory of the birth and the subsequent few weeks fills me with terror and some parts of it are real hazy even though I have tried hard to remember the specifics.

This pregnancy has so far been ok, I have been under consultant care but never having met the actual consultant. I met his registrar once who said that so far I showed no signs of previous pre-eclmpsia so she saw no reason for me to be induced this time around - as long as I didn't develop it again. I know my last labour wasn't great so I have been usng the natal hypnotherapy cd and reading the book (can't afford the course), but recently I have woken up in the middle of the night, hot and clammy, unable to breathe, dreaming I am in labour and can't breathe, I feel the walls closing in on me. It takes me ages to calm myself down only for it to occur maybe again later on in the night.

I feel really weird,not like myself at all. I am in tears most of the time I am on my own, holding it together for dc1 who is a toddler now. Up until now my biggest fear was being induced but now I think if I give birth I am going to die, because I won't be able to breathe and I will leave dc1 and new baby orphans. Have discussed with DP but I don't think he understands and plus her works away a lot so other than being there for the birth I am pretty much on my own most of the time with DC1.

In rational moments I can recognise I am being silly, but in the evenings (it some how feels worse in the eveings) I can feel the fear getting worse, I try and practice my breathing techniques but then I get distracted by my bely moving or kicks and I just know I will either die trying to birth this baby or worse something will happen to the baby during labour because I will panic and freak out.

wibu to ask for a cs? and will the mw laugh me out of the surgery when I ask her tomorrrow?

I recovered from my elective cs much much faster than hideous first birth

Oh hello, poor you, sounds like you are having a tough time. If you get no joy with your CMW you could try approaching an independent midwife for birth trauma/debrief and to discuss fears. I have done this myself after PE.

I used to tell people with a small laugh that my son had nearly died twice. I also laugh to cover up bad emotions, because bad emotions are very hard to process. It took me a lot of counselling to unlearn that habit. You don't have masses of time, so try to write down how bad you feel - or just copy your OP and paste into a word doc - so that you don't minimise how scared you are. Then you need to talk to those who are caring for you and you must be honest about your very understandable thoughts about a section so there is time for it to be considered.

Wishing you loads of courage for talking to MWs etc!

my sis had a traumatic 1st birth following induction and was really considering ecs as they couldn't initially agree to cs if need for induction came up and vb otherwise but the supervisory mw agreed in the end.

she went on to have a fantastic vb

Hmm , " I'm sorry but your comments do play down how soul destroying and how this takes over your life "

.
Right ok .

Quote " I wholeheartedly support women who need a cs to insure the health of themselves and their babies .

This includes their mental health . "

How is that downplaying ?

And I do think that anyone who asks for a CS for a trivial reason ( like wanting to I've birth before friend wedding , pre booked holiday ect ) should be told no .

At no point have I said that women with birth trauma should be denied a CS when they should be having one /asking for one/ being offered one .

I'd just like to say that I agree with Pickgo.

My first birth was horrendous, very long labour, forceps with no pain relief and a baby who had to be resuscitated. I had flash backs and went over and over and over the whole thing in my head for probably a year after.

Then I got pregnant again and just tried not to think about it but well into the 3rd trimester during a routine consultant appt I broke down like a loon and let it all out. He was so supportive. Reviewed my notes from last birth with me, made an appt for me to see anaesthetist to discuss pain relief etc. He also offered me a c section.

I felt so much better just talking it through with them that I decided I didn;t want the c section.

Anyway, long story short, my second labour was 1 hour 54 minutes and DS was out in 5 pushes with a bit of gas and air.

Doing it again and it being brilliant this time was SO CATHARTIC, I honestly feel it cured me somewhat from the trauma of the first time.

I just wanted to share but you should do what suits you and if that's a c section you should definitely speak to your consultant about it. Good luck xx

Let's all imagine a world, where all of women's birth choices are supported.

Exactly BagofHolly.

Instead of making comments that mean that women have to constantly justify their decision or fight against others ideology.

The thing is, the way things stand, there are a lot of women who aren't getting access to appropriate care or realising that actually an ELCS might be the way to spare them years of trying to deal with giving birth, mentally and physically.

Because the system is set up so badly, it means only the most educated, most pushy or best supported by a partner stand a chance. And even then its a lottery for where you live and how sympathetic the consultant is. Ironically a lot of the time the women most in need of this kind of support are the most vulnerable and least able to voice their fears and needs.

I take great exception to anyone who doesn't respect choices and instead says stuff like "i don't support ELCS on demand". And then suddenly does a reverse saying they support mental health reasons yet are still saying trawling out the appalling stuff like "i do not think CS should be given out on a whim , such as fitting birth around plans previously made" - which is a 'Too Posh to Push' bollocks line and a massive obstacle to those who need help. All it does is make women feel like other women will think they are being pathetic, precious or otherwise cowardly or sniffy about a VB.

Don't say you support ELCS for mental health reasons and still come out with the same old shit. Because thats exactly the stuff thats creating the problem and stopping it from becoming easy for people who really need help to access it. It makes the subject remain taboo and makes people feel like they can't talk about it.

Let the doctors, give people the facts and talk to people about the risks rather helping to create a hostile culture to the idea of ELCS. When they eventually get their act together and properly record reasons for maternal requests in this country, I think it will start to become alarmingly clear just how much mental health reasons account for requests.

Anyway OP. I really hope your appointment today went well. BTW, theres a good bunch of people on the childbirth section who lurk and have been through this/are going through it.

Wow, the thread has moved on quite a bit since last night, sorry for the delay in getting back.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply.

Initially my biggest concern about this pregnancy was to have as non medically invasive delivery as possible. I didn't want an induction which I felt was where most of my issues stemmed and escalated from last time. I certainly didn't want a CS, which to me was the most invasive thing that could happen. Obviously what's been happening recently has put a different spin on things for me. I am certainly not looking at CS as an easy way out.

I saw the CMW today, I tried to explain how I was feeling, what had happened in the previous birth and what had started happening recently with all the fear and anxiety about giving birth. Tbh she wasn't very interested, at least she didn't seem it - She didn't even look at me whilst I was speaking as she was looking through my notes and trying to find the most recent notes. However, she said she would arrange an appt with the consultant and that I should write down all my concerns and discuss them with the consultant when I meet him. She phoned the hospital whilst I was there and I am booked to see consultant in a few weeks.

I don't think she "got" what I was trying to tell her, but after repeating what I said she wrote down that I was anxious and panicking about the birth in my notes, carried out the usual bp/urine tests/heartbeat listening and sent me on my way. Not sure how I feel atm, still listening to my cd and trying to "relax"

Hi OP. Sorry that the midwife appointment wasn't reassuring.

I also had an awful first labour, which resulted in a very bad tear. It took me 18 months to even consider having another child, as I was so traumatised.

When I fell pregnant with ds2, I was in denial about the labour and birth until around the stage where you are now. Then it just hit me that I was going to have to get the baby out somehow.

Luckily, I did have a good midwife, who basically said that I needed a decent birth plan, so that I felt back in control.

So, I sat down with a friend, and came up with the following:

1. I picked a birthing partner who I knew was calm me down (love DH to bits, but he was so stressed first time, it didn't help). Took a good friend instead;

1. Agreed to manage for as long as possible with no pain relief (hate G & A), but when I wanted an epidural, I was to get it ASAP!

1. A very carefully planned cut, to avoid a re-tear.

The consultant agreed with it, wrote all over my notes that it was to be followed and, much to my amazement, it went like clockwork.

It was nothing like my first. The second he was born, I said I'd do it again in a flash.

I think you need to talk it through with a friend or your DP, write a plan, speak to the consultant, and try and take control again.

Good luck.

Thanks sitting

I am hoping the meeting with the consultant is more productive and goes some way to put me at ease. Before these feelings arose again, I was planning to use breathing techniques /tens/gas and air for as long as possible, even a birthing pool. But was told by the mw today that there is no way I would be using the midwife led unit despite what the registrar said at the last appt, if I have had previous pre-eclampsia and pph I don't meet the criteria and the lead MW won't allow it. Looks like I will be on the main labour ward.

Reverse ? .

Try reading what I have written .

Just seen this thread and I would recommend Paola Bagnall's book 'Birth Made Easy' (it's on Amazon) to anyone hoping for a natural birth, or who had anxiety/fears around giving birth. She is a hypnobirthing expert and also does a series of MP3 downloads on relaxation

Just wish I'd known about all this before having two c-sections! Clearly I missed a trick or two...

Thanks, I will definitely google her, meeting with the consultant tomorrow, my mind has conveniently gone blank, so I am desperately trying to write down some questions for him/her to answer (have not met my actual consultant before so have no idea if male or female). I have calmed down somewhatg since my initial post, however been waking up in the middle of the night again and can feel the panic getting worse. I am also supposed to be seeing a mw counsellor for a birth debrief, butseeing as I am 36 weeks not sure when she will contact me - hopefully soon.