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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In not wanting DS to go to park

20 replies

Lexie1970 · 22/08/2012 22:41

With his grandmother.

We moved out of London last year having made the decision that we didn't want DS to grow up in London. DP parents still live in East London and area has been tagged murder mile.....

Due to childcare issues DP is taking DS into London to be looked after and discussing timings etc with his mother she has said they may go to park. I really do not want her to take him. I don't like the area and I don't care how suddenly a mile up the road it is fashionable and people are spending ludicrous sums to live in a shite area. DP feels the same and desperately wants his parents to move. Can't voice my opinion to DP as relationship with myself and his parents is v strained as it is. The woman doesn't get my concern about children and ponds and I had to tell her not to leave DS out in garden should she need to attend to husband who is in poor health.

Praying it will rain heavily tomorrow but the signs are not looking good....

OP posts:

numbum · 22/08/2012 22:59

I just Googled murder mile and assume you mean Hackney? I was originally going to say YABU, it's a park what could go wrong. But, assuming it's the place I jusy read about, YANBU after what I just read. Sounds horrendous

tethersend · 22/08/2012 23:13

Is it Victoria Park?

If it is, I go there pretty much every day with my 3yo and 3mo. It is amazing, one of the safest parks I've been in. I wouldn't have set foot in it ten years ago, now it's unrecognisable; it has been transformed and is full of middle class mums. The scariest things there are the Birkenstocks

If not, which is it?

Original poster

Lexie1970 · 23/08/2012 06:33

Postcode is E5 - not Victoria Park, somewhere else and yes apparently this park is nice etc etc etc but the fact the mother scuttles about the area, will not get on train station located near by because of types of people that hang about there just reinforces my opinion that I feel uncomfortable with her taking DS wondering the streets.

Probably irrational but :(

OP posts:

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 23/08/2012 06:44

How old is your son?

On a side issue, you can't force people to leave their community and friends just because the area is less than salubrious. That is their home. I do take your point, DH works over there and won't even walk to the local shops

Sirzy · 23/08/2012 07:18

I think if you want to use the childcare you have to trust her to be sensible and not go somewhere she thinks will pose an increased risk

AmberLeaf · 23/08/2012 07:23

YABU.

The more families that go to any particular park the more family friendly they will be.

What exactly do you think will happen?

LindyHemming · 23/08/2012 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 23/08/2012 07:32

Unless DS, or his grandma, are between about 15 and 25 I suspect that the risk of getting in trouble are no different than in the supermarket.

Original poster

Lexie1970 · 23/08/2012 07:39

They don' fit profile of between 15 and 25 so you are probably right :)

But as jumping through hoops has commented her husband will not walk to shops so fears not totally unfounded ......

Thanks for comments off to work now:)

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 23/08/2012 07:59

commented her husband will not walk to shops so fears not totally unfounded

No that just means he feels threatened/scared/whatever. It doesn't actually mean his fears are founded in any real risk to him he just percieves it that way as do lots of people.

I have grown up in various parts of a London borough that lots of people would percieve as rough or dangerous. I live there and have never felt scared to nor been a victim of crime. But I know people who's eyes widen when I have said where I'm from. Its lots to do with perception.

I have teen boys and funnily enough they aren't gang members yet some people would assume so based on their ethnicity and postcode in which we live.

Just because some bad things happen in a particular area doesn't mean everyone that lives there is bad or that the area as a whole is 'bad'.

I think you are overthinking it and tbh it sounds like its based on the issues you have in your relationship with your mother in law.

3of5 · 23/08/2012 08:43

Hi - Is it Springfield Park in E5? If it is, you have nothing to worry about. Apart from the huge flock of geese around the pond. It's a lovely park (I go to it pretty much every day). There are lots of families playing on the grass or in the little playground at the bottom of the hill.

I have lived in this area for 4 years and I have loved it. Yes, it has a reputation but I have honestly not seen any trouble.

It really is a lovely park - it has a great cafe and is a hidden gem in the built up area.

janey68 · 23/08/2012 08:54

I think if you are going to leave your ds with your mil for childcare, it's then unreasonable to dictate that she can't take him to the local park. It's a long day to fill. If you're actually questioning her ability to keep him safe, that's a different issue, and of course you shouldn't be leaving him with her full stop. But it sounds as though you're happy to use her for childcare, just trying to dictate where she goes.

Re the issue of moving out- remember the in laws are at a completely different stage of their life to you. You may have felt you wanted to move out of London to raise a family, but they would prefer to stay put than start all over again at their stage of life. It may very be true that their locality isn't wonderful and there's aspects of it they don't like, but presumably they've weighed it up and on balance they would find it more stressful to move.

clux73 · 23/08/2012 09:02

I lived in E5 for 4 years and never saw any trouble. I had a newborn so wasn't exactly walking the streets at midnight but in the daytime i never once felt uncomfortable. I think the area has a reputation which is not entirely justified.

Original poster

Lexie1970 · 23/08/2012 13:04

It is springfield park!

Just checked in - she erected fencing around pond so that is something.

Re them moving - her husband is in very poor health and tbh their doctors surgery knows his situation and are excellent. He needs to be in London because of proximity to hospital etc. it is when she is on her own that both her sons are concerned. When he has been admitted to hospital she feels unsafe on her own and it is those factors which make my DP uneasy. The stress of moving would probably finish him off so it isn't an option at the moment.

Janey, I am not dictating where she can take him as I have said nothing to her and also nothing to DP - it is my concern and by the sound of things they are not going to park this afternoon anyway....

OP posts:

alienreflux · 23/08/2012 14:43

think you should chill, and be grateful. she's gone to the trouble of fencing off her pond, and looks after your kids so?! park type crimes tend to happen after dark between people that know each other, and have 'beef'! your mil and kids are VERY unlikely to get caught up in any trouble unless they are down there at midnight

Ephiny · 23/08/2012 14:51

Are you worried because of the pond? I agree she needs to keep a close eye on him near the water, but surely parks in 'nice' areas often have ponds or lakes as well?

Just not seeing what the area she lives in has to do with anything (I live in east London too btw).

porcamiseria · 23/08/2012 16:55

yabu

what do you think will happen, I mean really?

Original poster

Lexie1970 · 23/08/2012 17:24

It's horses for courses really. When you personally live in an area you are used to the way it is and become immune to any outside perceptions.

Both sons have chosen not to live in E5 or any bordering areas, we have moved considerably further out and the other is Cheshunt way.

We used to live in SE16 on the Thames and loved it there, other people possibly have opinions that are not wholly positive because SE16 covers a wide area, in a similar vein to E5.

They are on their way home now and GP helped us out today when we would have struggled so we are grateful.

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 23/08/2012 17:32

When you personally live in an area you are used to the way it is and become immune to any outside perceptions

Not so much immune but you know that outside perceptions are often not indicative of reality.

tethersend · 23/08/2012 19:31

Cheshunt? My friend got beaten up on her way home from the station, only for the guy to stop halfway through and apologise profusely because he thought she was a bloke

It's all relative

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