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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not follow new guidelines?

330 replies

LittleSugaPlum · 22/08/2012 18:43

Im pregnant with first baby and im almost 33 weeks.
I plan to bottle feed and have brought all the equipment already.

When i was a nursery nurse, around 5 years ago, it was common to "bulk make bottles" and store them in the fridge for upto 24hours.

When i mentioned to my midwife that i was bottlefeeding, she mentioned that the new guidelines were to make up a feed when needed and its not recommended to "bulk make feeds"

Have people honestly stopped doing this? Do people actually only make one feed at a time?

Im seriously considering bulk making, if it was fine for years, whats the difference now?

AIBU to not follow the new guidelines?

OP posts:
PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/08/2012 21:16

There is a really good website sugar to get info on the different formulas so you don't have to rely on the companies, can't remember the link though! Anyone know or I'll have a look tomorrow.

GodisaDj · 23/08/2012 21:20

lady no one is bullying anyone. I disagree with that as both myself and shag have more or less said the same things about culture etc. We've agreed the Op is ff'ing and the discussion has moved on to culture etc. I can't see any bullying under tones at all.

Kayano · 23/08/2012 21:23

I think it's so so rude to keep harping on with the bf stuff. Really fucking rude Angry

There would be outrage if someone suggested to a mother to be to try formula after try decided they wanted to bf!

If I have another baby I wouldn't bf either. Women can make their OWN minds up, this woman will have already had all the info and facts from the doctors, hospitals and midwives and doesn't need this off mumsnet.

She didn't ask for it or want it

Bellyjaby · 23/08/2012 21:24

To be fair to OP I wasnt around any breastfeeding when I was younger. It wasn't "normal" for me but I made the choice to try. None of my family judged me but they all made damn sure I didn't feel guilty when events took over and dd was formula fed. Despite friends, health visitors and midwives all trying to make me feel awful over it. Events btw, were DD refusing to feed, being whisked to NICU and put on formula there and my supply being so hideously behind that even mixed feeding didn't work out.

OP is a grown woman who can make her own choices about her body and what is going to work best for her. A stressed out mum trying to do something that feel abhorrent to her is NOT the best thing for baby.

When this LO comes I wont be attempting breastfeeding at all. There's a likelihood my milk wont contain enough vitamins as I have some medical issues. I have been told by some (non medical professionals at that) to try it and if baby is ok then my milk is fine, but I don't think my constant stressing as to whether my baby is being adequately looked after by my body that's failing me will help anyone. And the medical professionals think its not worth it either.

Northernlurkerisonholiday · 23/08/2012 21:34

I don't think it's rude to give the OP another point of view. It seems to me that the only people who have been actually rude on this thread are those who would like breastfeeding advocates to shut up.

OP - when I had dd2 I was breastfeeding her and my health visitor asked me if she could put me in touch with a lady who lived on my street who had her dd1, was trying to bfeed and was struggling. I said yes, of course and we met up quite a bit. She told me later that the HV and I were the only people in her circle who had given her any encouragement at all to keep breastfeeding. Nobody in her family did, they all said use a bottle, so did her friends. It's hard to breastfeed in the face of that culture but it's not impossible.

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/08/2012 21:34

Absolutely Kayano Grin
This was not a should I bf/ff thread. It was a woman who had made her decision, asking about the best way to ff.
So can everybody that doesn't agree with that decision please get off her back.
Way to guilt a new mother.

GodisaDj · 23/08/2012 21:34

Unless I've missed a post I really don't see any one harping on about bf. The discussion has moved on from the original bottle question.

I'm leaving thread now as I've finally arrived home after a 4 hour journey! (dp driving Grin)

I hope this thread has been useful for everyone who has read it. If anyone needs support, FF or BF, please go on the Bottle and Breast feeding threads, there is always someone, either infant feeding peer support or counsellor around to help with any way of feeding your babies as well as plenty of mums with plenty of experiences Smile

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/08/2012 21:55

To be fair if you flick through there are plenty of comments god, however not from you...

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/08/2012 21:59

Northern point of view maybe but I think it's not on to tell someone their feelings about ff are not valid.

If anything I think shagmund made some points a little more sensitively.

Cathycomehome · 23/08/2012 22:03

I'm really glad I read this thread. It's given me invaluable advice and stopped me carrying on doing the wrong thing (unless I were Australian!) .

Cathycomehome · 23/08/2012 22:04

Prompted me to call health visitor and get the info and talk through it, too.

Northernlurkerisonholiday · 23/08/2012 22:08

Pickles - I have been absolutely frank about this. I think breastfeeding should be the default for how human babies are fed. Formula is a back up, not a first point of call. If you want me to be a cheerleader for the OP and others deciding they will not attempt breastfeeding then, sorry, not going to do that.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/08/2012 22:11

Not expecting you to bloody cheerlead but when a grown woman has made her mind up I don't really expect you to say her feelings are not valid.

It's not your baby at the end of the day, and it's going to get fed.

Op knows the help is there should she need it but bring bully-ish and rude isn't going to encourage people is it?

nannyl · 23/08/2012 22:21

if you read the guidelines carefully (ie the book with the guidelines in) on the last page you will see that it is officially fine to make bottles up that way

so long as you use hot water, chill fast and store in back of fridge for no longer than 24 hours

Shagmundfreud · 23/08/2012 22:23

Lady beagle - if someone came on the boards and said they intended to feed their child only on jars and ready made food because they thought they wouldn't like cooking - and they had never tried it, and didn't know anyone else in their family who had done it - I would take the same stance.

There is NO essential difference between ff a baby and feeding an older baby or child soley on jars and preprepared foods. Both ff and pre-prepared foods are safe, capable of sustaining life, are nutritionally balanced and take the onus off the parent to prepare fresh food.

What is the difference?

There is no shame in not wanting to do something you don't understand and have no experience of. There is also no shame in encouraging people to take a chance and try something new.

Cathycomehome · 23/08/2012 22:28

I failed to feed my first son by bf, I stuck it for six horrible weeks, and I did feel bad about it. This time wasn't so good either, so I've stopped earlier. I know breat is best, so I'm not offended by bf advocates, but I'm also relieved ff is there! The only bf advocate post that's ever offended me, if that's the right word, is when someone referred to six months as "a piddling amount of time". Now that WAS insensitive! (IMO)

Shagmundfreud · 23/08/2012 22:33

Cathy - did you get better/more help this time? Or less?

Cathycomehome · 23/08/2012 22:36

Less, I think. But I'm not unhappy about ff, tbh, I also am quite anxious about things and it's making it easier for personal reasons. I did give it a go again, but I am happier with my decision all things considered, although glad I read this thread!

naturalbaby · 23/08/2012 22:39

I haven't seen any posts about BF that include name calling and swearing. They are pointing out the misconceptions and invalid assumptions - this thread isn't just about the OP who has clearly stated that her decision is based on what she has read about BF on MN, which is hardly an accurate representation.

The FFers are the ones posting 'fucking shitty' 'tough shit' 'FFS' 'bullied' 'rude' and 'fucking rude'. Interesting interpretation.

Northernlurkerisonholiday · 23/08/2012 22:41

I think that one of the most helpful things is knowing people who have breastfed. My mum was a good advocate for breastfeeding, as was my mil. I have breastfed and my older daughters have seen me do that and so it goes on. Both my sils and my best friend have breastfed successfully. The more you see people do it, the more it happens. It's perfectly possible for breastfeeding to be our default feeding choice and it's not being 'rude' to point that out.

Cathy - you haven't failed your dcs. You've tried breastfeeding and it's not worked long term for you. But you tried it and your dcs will have got the early benefits.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/08/2012 22:45

Well that's not helpful either natural that's the most them & us post on here.

If a particular comment has annoyed you say so rather than this all the formula feeders have been rude!

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/08/2012 22:51

Northern your motives may be good but my point is saying stuff like you don't respect her decision and her feelings aren't valid are rude.

It's not rude to say what you've just said about knowing other breast feeders etc.

And i managed to say that without using shit fuck or bollocks. Grin

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/08/2012 22:55

Nope, both Northern and natural.
I repeat, the OP had already made her decision, and a perfectly viable one.
If she'd posted 'what would be best for me bf or ff, fair enough.
She didn't and all you're doing is trying to make her feel like shit.

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/08/2012 22:57

Op did say several times she didn't want to have this conversation.

naturalbaby · 23/08/2012 22:57

Well it's more than just one or two, there's no need to name and shame - they stick out like a sore thumb and it's pretty clear where all the aggression is coming from.

A few comments have annoyed me and I said so. It was hard to get my point accross clearly without over generalising (and insulting further, which I obviously failed on) but what I was trying to say was the only blatantly rude posts were from FFers - is there really any need to swear and call BF comments 'fucking shitty'?!?.