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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD? Mil thread sorry!

9 replies

MammyToMany · 21/08/2012 15:51

Background:

Mil (exmil now) has always been attention seeking, childish and high maintenance but I do like her and in the past we have been close and good friends (as long as I've ignored the bad behaviour which has generally been on a Saturday night after to many vodkas) an example being when Dp and I told her I was pregnant with his first child (we were both late 20s and living together) she had a complete melt down and sobbed and begged us on her knees not to ruin her life, demanded no mention of it, repeatedly broke down over the next few months as she couldn't bare what we were doing to her, booking a holiday for the due date and taking all Dps immediate family with her so he had no support for the first week of his child's life. Ignoring her grandchild for 2 months and having counselling to get over our betrayal.

She is now incredibly close to her grandchild and is a doting fantastic grandparent, couldn't ask for more in regards to that.

There are many many more examples but I would be here all day writing them down. Her behaviour is ignored and forgotten by all and she has never apologised or mentioned it.

Again, I do for some reason like her a lot and she always seemed to like me too.

Fast forward to now:

I split with Dp in may and found out a couple of months later I was (am) pregnant. I must have gotten pregnant the very last time we slept together before not having sex for a few weeks (with him - I haven't slept with anyone else) it was a nasty break up, involving the police and courts but exp and I are now getting along well, he is a good dad and although isn't over the moon at having another child in this situation has accepted it.

Exmil however hasn't. When told a few weeks ago she said nothing at all, just walked away and didn't mention it again. I am currently 17 weeks and showing, his aunt and uncle made it very obvious that they had guessed so I told them that dc would be getting a new brother or sister in January. Exmil was there at the time and just walked away.

However after I'd left she had a full on rant at exp and other relatives saying that I was a slag, the dates didn't fit, I must be lying about whose child it is, demanding to know if exp had been shagging me after we split up (he has but he denied it for some reason) and now exp has been round demanding conformation of my due date and it's taken me getting a calendar out and showing him the dates to make him less suspicious although the seed of doubt has been sown.

The dates are out by a few days actually but she has no idea of when we were and wernt having sex, plus you need to take into account implantation etc.

Everyone now thinks I am a liar and a cheat and it's made me angry and upset. I reacted badly when exp told me and said he could tell her to go fu*k herself which went down like a lead balloon and now he is angry with me for my reaction.

How would you deal with this?

OP posts:
WithoutCaution · 21/08/2012 15:57

I'd tell her to go on the JK show and demand a DNA test Wink

glenthebattleostrich · 21/08/2012 15:57

Sorry, she calls you a slut and a liar (after doing her best to ruin your first pregnancy) and he's angry with you. If you ever needed a reason for him to be an ex ...

I would ignore. They are not your problem. She sounds like an attention seeking arsehole who thinks the world should be about her and he sounds like a mummys boy (sorry if PMT is making this sound really harsh!) If ex wants you to prove paternity, tell him to pay for the test when the baby is born.

To be honest you sound well rid of them.

Pickgo · 21/08/2012 16:01

Surely one of the huge pluses of an ex is that you don't have to bother with the ex-family? Grin

While upsetting the more you can ignore the better you'll feel. Offer to DNA test when baby's born if he wants.

AdoraBell · 21/08/2012 16:09

Wow, just wow. I would insist on a DNA test, not offer , then show the result to every family member at the same time as I tell then to fuck off, starting with the exMIL.

MammyToMany · 21/08/2012 16:17

I told him he was quite welcome to ask for a DNA test when the baby is born but he will wait and see if it looks like him! I may pay to have one done anyway just so I can put an end to her bitching.

I hate the thought that people are looking at me and gossiping. She had quite a large audience and the rumours will start now. I know I shouldnt care but I can't help it.

She is all nice to my face. One of the reasons I put off leaving exp was that I didn't want to lose his family what a joke but things soon changed they thought I was taking their grandchild away. Bit of a kick in the teeth for them when residency was awarded to me! I have gone above and beyond with keeping them close to their grandchild, exp sees him most days and they see him 4 times plus a week.

I tried to explain to exp that because she is a vicious bitch of this that the situation would now change, I don't want her in my house playing at being nice, I'm not his partner anymore I don't have to ignore the outbursts. I was even going to stay theirselves over Christmas so the would have their grandchild with them (exmil cries when she doesn't see him for 2 days) but I won't be staying there now feeling so awkward and uncomfortable. Which according to him makes me unreasonable.

OP posts:
NervousAt20 · 21/08/2012 16:25

I think youve done the right thing telling her to go fuck herself! What a cheek! She sounds like a horrible bitch and your well rid of her! Sorry I don't have any helpful advice but hope you have good support in RL and deffo don't give in about Christmas

pumpkinsweetie · 21/08/2012 16:41

Cor blimey, what business is it of your mil what dates you had sex with her son!!
What a strange woman, most mil would be happy to have another grandchild

pumpkinsweetie · 21/08/2012 16:42

Oh make her pay for the Dna test as she is the one that is planting the seeds of doubt!

Sawdust · 21/08/2012 16:49

Pickgo has hit the nail on the head. A DNA test will probably be the only thing that will make the issue go away for good. Apart from that, I'd let ExH deal with his family and their outbursts and insinuations. You no longer have to worry about whether or not she approves of you or believes you.

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