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AIBU?

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Original poster

about ds1 (probably)

19 replies

Catsdontcare · 21/08/2012 14:37

Ds1 (age 7) has been out all morning at a friends house. I picked him up and told him that whilst he was out his auntie had phoned to see if he would like to go to the country park with her and dn. He was very excited about this.

I said to him that they would be picking him up in an hour and whilst he waited I would really appreciate it if he could play on the wii with ds2 for half an hour so I could get a few things done. (ds2 can't play the wii, but likes to watch others do it and had been asking for it to be put on)

Cue, huffing and puffing and blanket refusal from ds1 "you always make me play it" (not true, maybe once a week for 15 mins), plus it's the wii it's not like I asked him to clean the bathroom ffs. Anyway he made such a fuss I told him not to bother and put it on myself and played so ds2 could watch. Five minutes into me playing it ds1 comes in and says "can I have a go, but not what ds2 wants me to play". Angry I say no and give a bit of a lecture about why I'm annoyed.

The as my sister pulls up in the car I say to ds1 don't tell ds2 where you are going he'll get upset. Cue him on his way out saying "Bye ds2 I'm going to the country park" Angry

I'm really really pissed off with his attitude at the moment in general and I'm struggling not to blow my top with him when he comes home but feel like saying no computer or tv for the rest of the day. Is this OTT.

perspective please! or a kick up the arse!

OP posts:
Tartymuffin · 21/08/2012 14:52

Not at all OTT - I would have oiked him back in the house and there would have been no country park, he was rude to you and unkind to DS2 after you specifically asked him not to do something. That behaviour needs to be addressed IMO.

Personally I doubt not having tv/computer for the rest of the day won't bother him that much as he'll have had a lovely time this afternoon. I would cancel something he is looking forward to, so he knows what it feels like to miss out - which is how DS2 would have felt today.

Original poster
Catsdontcare · 21/08/2012 15:16

Yes you're right. I always feel like I'm on his case so worry that I'm being harsh but his behaviour was unacceptable and so will be thinking of an appropriate consequence that doesn't involve me losing my temper.

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 21/08/2012 16:02

What Tarty said.

I'd have also hoiked him back in and told him that there'd be no country park.

No TV or computer for the rest of the day is nothing when you've been out for the day.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 21/08/2012 16:04

Yep. Me too. I wouldn't have let him go.

WorraLiberty · 21/08/2012 16:10

"Bye ds2 I'm going to the country park"

"Oh know you're not ds1" would have been my reply.

WorraLiberty · 21/08/2012 16:11

*no

DrowninginDuplo · 21/08/2012 16:12

After upsetting his brother (about the country park) like that I wouldn't have let him go. You asked him not to, you explained why, he still did it. I would cancel something fun, so he knows what it like to miss out.

lisaro · 21/08/2012 16:15

If he was mine he'd be in his bedroom now.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 21/08/2012 16:16

I wouldn't have let him go. Jump on things instantly, have consequences that "fit the crime" so to speak, and deal with things immediately. In this case, straight back in the house, an explanation of exactly why he wasn't going on the outing, and something boring to do instead for a while - room "tidying" or similar.

Original poster
Catsdontcare · 21/08/2012 16:34

He's upstairs tidying his room with a ban on tv and the computer for the rest of the day and he has not been allowed to play out the front with the neighbours kids (that will really bother him as he loves playing out).

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 21/08/2012 16:40

I sometimes think that the more outings and treats DS1 has the worse his behaviour gets. He was going to the park with a friend this morning and was really mean to his little brother. The trip was nearly cancelled. He is 6 nearly 7 btw.

You did the right thing OP and hopefully he will be contrite by this evening. No harm in reigning things in a bit every now and then.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 21/08/2012 16:45

You did the right thing.

If you'd stopped him from going to the country park, that would have punished your dn unfairly.

Is there a particular reason do you think that he seems to resent his brother, or is it just general sibling stuff (only child parent of an only child here so bugger all personal experience of this btw!)?

LadyOfTheFlowers · 21/08/2012 16:49

No advice as DS1 -also 7 - is exhibiting the same attitude at the moment. It's driving me mad.
I feel your pain.

Original poster
Catsdontcare · 21/08/2012 19:04

The sibling rivalry thing is quite new but I can see it gradually increasing so want to nip it in the bud. I think he is attention seeking a lot at the moment so am trying hard to be fair but tbh sometimes he seems to be just spoilt.

I think a couple of weeks without any fancy day trips beyond the park and swimming will be on the agenda!

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 21/08/2012 19:12

I know you say "it was the wii not cleaning" but it doesn't matter what it is, if there's a specific task you make him do in order to occupy his brother (especially if it's a specific game too) then it stops being fun and starts being a boring task.

I agree his behaviour doesn't sound good though, especially telling his little brother when he'd specifically been told not to. He's old enough to understand if you sit and have a chat with him and explain why he's being punished.

Original poster
Catsdontcare · 21/08/2012 19:31

We've had a chat he understands. I don't think playing on the wii for ten minutes is a big ask. I don't force him to play with his brother often as ds2 isn't that interested in playing with ds1 anyway but I would like him to grow up to be the sort of person who can put himself out for others and not just take take take.

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 22/08/2012 07:10

Just popped back to say this is also a phase of sorts and I think it's probably linked to the age of the younger sibling rather than the older.

When DD was around 3/4 we had a few issues with DS (7yrs older) and similar things. We did nip it in the bud and it seemed to help and we wanted him to know it wasn't acceptable, but the issue naturally resolved anyway.

Before 3/4 she was either not interested, or cute enough for him to want to play with her. Around 3/4 she started to get her own ideas and make her own demands which irritated him.

She's now 6 and they are thick as thieves and closer than ever. It's a change in maturity on both their parts. He'll definitely puts himself out for her now.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 22/08/2012 07:13

My 7 yr old is also playing up this holiday on and off. Driving me mad especially as I am childminding and we are always doing something or other for at least half the day (park, movie, soft play, other outings).

YWNBU at all. I hope that today is a good day for all of you and for us! (and all Mnetters with back chatting 7 yr olds!)

Original poster
Catsdontcare · 22/08/2012 11:21

I think you may be right folk girl about ds2's age (4) beforehand I think his impact on ds1 was minimal and now he has more of a presence iykwim

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