bloke thinks he has the tough job!

[pink76]

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit p'd off when my bloke moans about what a stressfull day he has had at work? I currently look after our 3 year old daughter full time.

My issue, I realise, is not a huge one so I will keep this brief!

Is it common for fellas to assume being at home with a little one all day is a breeze compared to working full time?

I am currently studying with the OU part time as well so my life is pretty full.

I think we should do a swap for a week and see how well he copes!

Sorry for the rant

xxx

Rainbow I think lots of people (including ex SAHPs) tend to look down on the SAHP route. It isn't valued. It is isolating and it is draining. In some ways, one child is harder than two as mine will play together quite a bit. One child will need more interaction and most three year olds do not provide the most gripping of conversations. Look, I'm not up for a SAHP v WOHP bunfight. Each to their own free choice in my view.

I hope OP gets a break from parenting sometimes and think she is doing really well to keep an OU course up at the same time. Maybe her P is doing all the moaning and not giving her space to talk about how she feels. OP??

The woman just wants a little vent on MN FGS!

Yes SGB

I am at home at the mo and its easy to be fair.I think the only way it might be hardvis if you had 3 under 3 or 4 but anything else I would say personally it beats working for a living.

His day probably is harder than Being at home with a 3 year old. Being st home is rarely hard or stressful, though it can be isolating and mundane. Usual disclaimers apply- obviously if you have a child with SN, triplets etc it's different. If you're feeling so hard done by OP, you could always swap and you become sole breadwinner while he stays home....

I don't look down on it.
I have been sahm, whop and now have best of both (IMO) working part time.

The op said he thinks he has the hard job.
She thinks she has the hard job.

I don't think looking after one 3 year old is a hard job.
I have already stated the wohp should do their share.

But I have never had one 3 year old to look after.

Seriously though, if you are genuinely finding it hard, have you looked into the 15hr nursery placement?

That would give you free mornings to do your OU study

I think your idea of swapping with him is an excellent one OP. Then you would both be commenting from a position of knowledge. Of course, the danger is that you find his job a breeze, and he finds staying at home a doddle.

I used to find it hard looking after a 3yo, when I only had one DC.

Now I look back on those days and realise just what a piece of pish it was!

One child = peace and quiet.

I now have 4dc, one a tornado toddler, DS3 is 18mo. DS2 is almost 9, but has Autism, and still soils himself most days too, due to encoparesis. DS1 is 10yo, but has hit puberty already. DD is 14yo, hormonal, and also has Autism.

I look back on the days I had just one with fondness!

I think that having one NT DC is easier than working. In my situation, work would be a welcome break?

But change I know plenty of sahms that you can't mention work to without them being offended.
Imo if dh comes in and says hr has had a shit day because of xyz, I would listen. I wouldn't jump in with 'well what about me'. That's what partners do.
I would also expect him yo do the same. We have both been sahp and both been working parents.
Maybe that's why we do this.
I don't think people look down on sahps as much as people think. As a working parent I certainly don't and my friends don't. However the sahps I do know get huffy if you even mention work and say its because they feel we don't think being a sahp is a job. Its not. I refuse to pussy foot around people and not mention my job because they take it as a slight against them.
That's not say some people don't look down on sahp, just not in my circle.
Working parents gets just as much shit as some sahps get. It would be better if we all recognised, being a parent is hard, what ever the choice.

Does he listen to you when you want to let off steam or does he always have it worse than you?

My ex was the latter. I still remember now mentioning a couple of days after DS was born how difficult I'd found labour. His reply what "What about me? I found it difficult watching you." No acknowledgement of my feelings, just his

It depends on whether this is competitive "my day is worse than yours" behaviour or merely a comment. Only my dp does have some particularly stressful days at work occasionally but he'll tell me this in the context of being glad to be home enjoying a relaxed sit down with a cup of coffee. Not a dig at how much easier my life is.

My ex-h, back in the days when I was a SAHM, always managed to infer that life with two children under 2 was a complete breeze in comparison.

So it's the context and inference that makes the difference.

There was a dad at the park yesterday with his 2dc's aged approx 4 and 1. First he had an altercation with the 4 year old who was trying to squeeze all the suntan lotion out of the bottle and was threatened with a "Time Out".
Then the 4 year old pushed the 1 year old on the roundabout so was told off because 1 year old wasn't seated/able to hold on.
Then 4 year old ran off out of the park while dad was pushing 1 year old on the swings.
Dad collected both dc's and left the park muttering "I don't know how she does it".
As I left the park, I realised he had left his buggy behind.
I guess he doesn't look after both children alone very often.

Disclaimer - I am not being smug as I currently only have 1 dc, with a 2nd on the way. Witnessing that has made me very nervous. Wondering what restraints I can buy to prevent dc1 from doing a runner every time I am occupied with dc2... any suggestions?

To the prev poster

I don't get how so many men never look after their children. Some don't even seem to know their kids or be able to discipline them!

My DH made saturday family and always takes over at the weekend, we go to the park or soft play or I stay in bed at home and he takes dd out, same on a Sunday, daddy does most of the caring playing because he wants to and has missed dd during the week.

Wow, that sparked off an unintentional conversation and a half!

Yes, it was just a quick rant, fuelled by pmt and a sleepless night last night. My other half, on reflection and reading your varied comments, is a dream in comparison to a lot of fellas so I shouldn't moan too much, it could be a lot lot worse!

No harm meant to those who took offence : )
xxx

Pink you are entitled to a moan now and again. Just as he is.
As long as its not competitive and you each listen to each other you'll be fine.

how right you are Agilchrist! Does make me think how often I do moan at him! tonight I will listen to him when he comes in. Some times need a bit of a wake up call don't we xxx

I don't think it's particularly helpful to say 'looking after a toddler isn't hard', it just makes those of us who do struggle (i.e. me) feel like we're doing something wrong/inferior.

I adore my son but there are days when I am counting down the minutes until my husband gets home, I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this. I admit, I do find it hard.