To think there's actually nothing wrong with being selfish every once in a while?

[freddiefrog]

And actually, I don't think I'm the one being selfish here any way.

Every year the sea scout group that my DDs belong to run a family camp over the August bank holiday weekend. I absolutely hate every single minute of it. It bores me to tears. I hate camping, I hate boats, I hate the ging-gang-goolie campfire-ishness of it all.

There are also a lot of local events on that weekend that I'd like to do, but I've always missed out and gone along to this bloody camp.

This year, I've put my foot down. I told DH when he booked it I wouldn't be going and now it's this weekend he's realised I'm not changing my mind and that I'm really not going so he's having a hissy fit because I'm 'selfish'

He's a fully grown adult, perfectly capable of looking after his own children for a couple of days.

Why should I, yet again, give up things I really want to do to go to this bloody camp?

And even if I am being selfish, is it really that terribe of me to do something I want for a change?

YANBU. It sounds like you staying home is not preventing your DDs from going, so I don't see why you have to go if you don't enjoy it.

Personally I love camping, boats and campfires and all that stuff, so it sounds fab. But if it's not your cup of tea, why not have a nice weekend to yourself instead.

I don't understand your DH's attitude at all. Does he not want to go either?

Christ I can't imagine anything worse. It is a bit harsh of your husband to expect you to go to this jamboree every august bank holiday.

I would stick to your guns.

YADNBU stay home and chill! Daddy time is very rewarding ;)

No, I'm not stopping them from going. He wants to go, the kids want to go, id rather poke pins in my eyes but he thinks I should go as its family camp, therefore we should all go.

I've got plans with friends to go and do all the things I haven't been able to do because of this bloody camp.

I hate every long minute of the thing

YANBU

Tell him to stop being a baby and go with his children without you.

Definitely don't go then. He'll just have to get over it, like you say he's a grown man and can surely cope without you for one weekend in the year!

YANBU. He is the one being selfish, by making you feel guilty about not going.

Why do you think he wants you to go so much?

YANBU. I can see why he wants you to go as it is a family event but you told him when he booked it you weren't going so there is no reason why you would have changed your mind.
As a compromise could you go for one night and still do your other stuff?

He wants me to go as its family camp so we should go as a family, but also because if I'm not there he'll have to deal with the girls on his own (I.e. not sloping off down the local pub with the other dads)

I've got plans for the whole weekend so I can't sleep up there, I did say I'd pop along for the afternoon a couple of times for an hour or so and that I'd help set up/take it down but that I was catagorically NOT camping

Don't blame you, next time suggest that he pays for you to stay in a hotel up the road (preferably one with a spa!!)

Oh, and what pisses me off is that 'selfish' is only ever bandied about when it's something I want to do, I mean he's not being selfish by insisting I go, oh no

He's of course not being selfish when he wants to watch football, the kids aren't selfish for wanting to go to the beach, but I'm selfish if I want to do something

And even if I am being selfish, what the hell is wrong with that every now and then?

There is nothing wrong with being selfish occasionally. But tbh I don't think you are being selfish.
He knew you weren't going, be chose not to believe it. Everyone who wants to go, is going.
Sounds like he doesn't want the responsibility of looking after the kids. I mean, come on, he thinks 'its a family event' however slopes off for a few drinks, leaving HIS family while he goes.
Doesn't make sense.
I wouldn't go.

It's just as I suspected but didn't want to write as it seemed a bit cliched.

He wants you there so you can appear be a lovely family unit but he can duck out at the inconvenient times i.e. bed time and mosey on down to the pub with the other Dads patting themselves on the back for being such good parents.

Stick to your guns.

Or you could change your mind and say you will go but only on the proviso that your DH absolutely does not go to the pub in the evenings as it is a "family" event and this means you should all stick together all of the time. If he refuses then tell him he is selfish.

Arse.

He thinks that you're being selfish because you are a 'woman' and therefore you exist for the benefit of him and the DC and if you want to pay any attention to your self and your own wishes then you are malfunctioning. Stick to your guns. There's no need for you to go. And, whatever he says, it won't hurt your DDs to understand that not everyone likes the same things and people don't have to do things that they don't like, just because other people like them.

Also, IMU, sea scouts are 11 year olds at least, not babies. So your H will not have to run round after them constantly and will probably be able to have a pint or so in the evening while they play with their mates anyway. Is it that he doesn't want to have to do the cooking and tidying?

YANBU in particular because you've been consistent. It's not like it's some last-minute change of heart that has inconvenienced others. Does your DH tend not to take you seriously in other respects?

YANBU or selfish. He is BVVVVVVVSelfish.

He's expecting you to go so he doesn't have to parent his own children and so he can go to the pub. Sexist and selfish

DD started in Scouts at 10 but we also have Beavers and Cubs in our group so the youngest are 6 1/2.

But, yes, he doesn't want to be responsible for the kids on his own as it might mean having to feed them or keep an eye on them.

I always end up having to be the responsible parent at these events, you know stop gassing to my mates and cooking some dinner, that sort of thing

I think he really thought I'd change my mind, but he's stopped sulking now

Thanks!

In fairness, he doesn't normally behave like such a prat, and they don't spend the whole weekend in the pub, they usually go a couple of times for an hour or so.

He doesn't leave everything to me but it will be harder work and less chatting and socialising for him. Poor sausage

YANBU and not selfish. He can look after the children just once can't he.
Have a nice relaxing time at home!

Well then he's being selfish for saying that you have to be there so that you can look after the kids while he goes to the pub with the other dads!

I wondered if it was something like that. He doesn't want you there for family time, its so he can relax, have a laugh and less responsibility.

I would tell him never to call you selfish for putting yourself first occasionally because he does it all the time. The selfish accusation is manipulative and completely unacceptable!