To refuse to move out

[chipsandbeans]

Hi, this is my first post but I have lurked for a while..

Just looking for some views on my current situation.

My partner and I have been together for over 10 years and we have 3 children. Our relationship has been rocky and we have split up in the past twice but both times have gotten back together making promises about changing etc. Its fair to say we shouldn't have done that as predictably nothing has changed and promises have been more than broken on both sides.

The biggest problem for me is that he won't talk to me, I don't mean deep meaningful talking either I mean talk at all, he barely acknowledges me and I find it soul destroying, it has eaten away at me over the years and I can't bear being ignored in this way. We don't have any physical relationship and generally its plain to see that we would be better off apart. We have stuck together for so long because of the kids but I really am starting to believe that they are not going to benefit from how we are living & I'm worried that they will carry into adulthood a template for relationships that isn't right.

Financially we are comfortable, mainly because he earns a very good salary. I do work but don't earn very much.

This morning we had a heated discussion which has resulted in him saying he won't move out because he is fed up of bank rolling my life and why should he leave and go into a small room/flat just because I say so.
In principle I agree with him and I would be happy to sell our house and do it that way. Unfortunately I have had the house valued this morning and it is not worth as much as we owe on it.
I may be entitled to housing benefit but my big tie in to this house is that I work from home, I don't really want to move if I don't have to as my youngest child is only 2 and we are close to the school that my other children go to.

Personally I have some debt that I need to pay off before I can change job, this is no ones fault but my own and I accept that but it makes my current situation so hard.

AIBU to decide that I won't move out either and just keep my head down and get my finances sorted so that when the time comes (probably not for 18 months) I can then leave properly and without money worries??

Has anyone else managed to live in this situation and will my children hate me forever for this horrible situation??

I'm sorry this is so long, I think my friends are a bit fed up of talking to me about this but I feel so trapped and I'm so worried about upheaval for my kids.

I assume the house is in joint names?

No, he can't be forced to move out any more than you can be forced to move out.

I take it you have moved into the spare bedroom? (or he has)

Yes its "our" house as is a loan we have for our car.. we are very much financially entangled!

No we don't have a spare room, 3 bed house and 3 kids - have to keep jigging it around so that they can each have a turn with a room to themselves as they all hate sharing!
Mostly he goes to bed in the evening and I stay up really late and then head on up in the early hours.
We aren't fighting, there is just nothing. Its very sad :(

he can be forced to go if you go to court. They can require him to move out so that the children remain in the family home with the primary carer. The house can then be sold when the youngest is 18 (or whatever age it is)

If the court orders it, then the normal it's his home too, he can come and go as he pleases, can't change the locks etc stuff doesn't (I believe) apply.

hectate on what grounds. Faded love, isn't as far as I'm aware grounds to remove someone from their property.

You mean an occupation order?

On the grounds that they are separating and they have children?

I am not a lawyer, but I cannot count the number of times I have read about the rights of children to stay in the family home with the primary carer when a couple split.

I know that courts can order this.

I'm not in that situation myself but I know several people who have stayed living in the same house in spite of seperating. Is there any chance that you could share with the 2 year old and the other two have the other large room, while your husband has the smaller room?

Thinking about it, you may find that if you offered to move out and leave him with the children he'd go, pretty sharpish!

Morally thats unfair, preventing someone from the enjoyment of their property.

yes, I think that's the one. Link here

from my understanding you can claim tax credits as a lone parent even if you are still living together as long you are separated.

If you move out you will not get housing benefits to help with rent unless the house is up for sale

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. On a practical level, your situation is complicated by the fact you are not married. When you go through a divorce the court sorts out the property and an order such as the one mentioned by pp can be made so that you stay in the house until all children reach majority. An occupation order can be made where there is domestic violence but it doesn't sound like it in this case.

I think your best bet would be to visit a solicitor or can do you know where you stand from a legal point of view. All the best.

Sorry, CAB not can do.

Sorry for the tread hijack here

from my understanding you can claim tax credits as a lone parent even if you are still living together as long you are separated.

How does that work?

This place is an education and a half, it really is.

how would you "prove" you were separated?

Me and dh were separating ( but have decided to give it another go so didn't test it) but I called the income support people to see what I would be entitled to and was surprised when they said I can claim income support swell as tax credits as a lone parent.

I assumed if we were claiming for years they would investigate or if we subsequently got back together we would have to repay .

Thought op should look into it as then she could pay off her debts quicker