'Friend' always wants me to cat-sit

[LittleMoo6]

A friend of mine bought a cat, despite knowing that she and her family have numerous weekends away with a reenactment society throughout the year.

Every time they go away she asks me to go and feed the cat and let it out/in the morning and evening. I live 2 miles away so have to drive and I have my own family and little girl to look after so it's not exactly convenient. After the first few times I did it I got fed up because she clearly took it for granted that I'd just keep doing it. I barely got a thank you, let alone a token of appreciation (which personally I would've given if it were the other way around). I know 2 miles isn't far but the petrol soon mounts up as it's 8 miles a day.

She's just announced that they're going away for a week soon and when I asked if she'd booked the cat into a cattery she just said "I've not decided what I'm doing with him yet". I think she's totally irresponsible for booking the holiday without ensuring she has care for her pet. I know she'll ask me to go morning and night each day and I'm just not prepared to do it for someone who doesn't seem to appreciate the inconvenience it causes.

I used to class her as a good friend but over the last year but I certainly wouldn't now.

Just say no, you don't have to do it and then she'll soon make plans.

If she asks you, just say you are not able to now, and give her the numbers for a couple of local petsitting services. 'Hope you get something sorted out, have a lovely holiday '

Tell her that you can't, then suggest that she asks a neighbour.

You definitely need to say no this time - it's not on

Just say no in future. I always fed my neighbour's cat when she travelled, took 2 minutes a day, and she fed my chickens. Most people don't mind.

Just say it's not convenient, you don't have time, what with your daughter and family to look after.

Say no, it is too time + petrol consuming.

She should get someone in to do it for payment. It was a nice little earner for me as a teenager-I got asked to look after pets and plants for neighbours and friends and some of my parents' colleagues.

"Sorry but I won't be able to do it as I would have to drive an extra (roughly) 56 miles in the week with all the trips to yours and back."
It's a lot if you add it all up!

Just say that it's not convienient this time (or any time in the future), in fairness i'm probably not the operson to ask because if anyone asked me to look after their cat they'd come home to find it baked it in a pie! (not seriously, but I do Hate cats!!)

have you actually ever said no to her??

how does she know that you are not keen on doing this unless you tell her?

I used to use a cat mate automatic pet feeder for weekends away, tell her to get one of those, no problems with my cats when using one of these. For the weeks holiday she should really book a cattery or ask a neighbour, YANBU.

Cat flap. Automatic pet feeder.

This is what I do when I go away for the weekend.

YANBU, just say no.

I have 5 cats and I get a professional company round when I go away, they charge £7 a day to come in feed the cats, make a bit of a fuss of them and change litter. I have never asked anyone to catsit (although I'm sure they would if I asked) its a huge imposition especially as you live 2 miles away and not next door. Maybe your 'friend' has already got the hint as you have asked about a cattery.

OP, call her and say "hi, when you said you hadn't decided to do with Tiddles when you go away, I just want to make it clear that I won't be able to take care of her, also, going froward it is too disruptive to my family time to drive over on your regular weekends away so I will need to stop doing that too."

Why not?

Say no.

If you feel she is going to leave it till the last minute and then try to guilt trip you then contact her now and say look, about your cat. you do understand that I will not be looking after him, don't you? Please don't contact me the night before and ask me, because my answer will be no. You need to make arrangements now.

And if she got snotty, there's the follow up "To be frank, I am a little fed up of driving 8 miles a day to take care of your cat and getting barely a thank you from you. I feel used by you."

Piss takers continue to take said piss because people allow them to.

Wow 56 miles! How many hours of your time does that take?

Either say no and give the above as reasons or continue to do it but ask for favours in return, see if she does them then you'll know if she's a decent friend or not.

Its nice to help people out but not if they are taking the piss.

Say no.

I have done and would do for a neighbour but not if I had to travel!

Offer to do this time,

spend the week rearranging the furniture, swap all the rooms round,

when she complains tell her to get a cat flap and an auto feeder for the short weekends, and ask a neighbouring child (teen) to pop in for the week long holiday.

I pay the neighbour children five pounds a day to water plants and feed the cat, they love it and it's a fair way of doing things.

What Hecate said. Nice and to the point.

Goodness no not unreasonable.

My neighbour has to be persuaded by me to let me feed her cats when she is gone rather than getting her MIL to drive every day to do it as she doesn't want to be a burden.

However you are being a bit shy about all this, nothing wrong with saying "L its not possible for me to look after the cats for you, its more trouble than I thought having to drive the x miles to your house each time so I simply can't do it any more."

She's an irresponsible pet owner. YANBU.

As a cat owner who used to travel frequently, I'd accept that I needed to hire someone to look after my cat. Even if a friend kindly offered to stop by, I'd PAY that friend, or at least take them out for a meal.

Also, she needs to get her cat a litter box. Ridiculous that you're expected to come by twice a day!!!

Ask to be compensated, or refuse. Tell her it's just too much trouble and you're sorry. You say you don't care about the friendship anyway - do yourself a favour!

Thanks everyone, I was worried I was being a rubbish friend!

I know why she asks me. A) Because I find it hard to say no and B) because in all honesty her house is a complete tip and I'm the only person she knows who will come round and feed the cat without her having to clean the place first.

I understand her predicament as I used to struggle with keeping my house decent but that was when I lived on my own. Now I have a husband and child I at least try to keep it so that I'm not ashamed if anyone comes round (I'll never be tidy so I've given up trying!!!). My husband has been round to the house with me once and he couldn't come in as he said it smelled so bad. I didn't think it was that bad but I do worry about her children sometimes as there is often week old food on the floor etc. Her youngest is 6 months and I do worry that, if social services found out they'd take the kids away. She's not a bad Mum, just a bit lazy and suffering from 'clutter blindness'.

The cat doesn't use the litter tray anymore. Or at least I hope he doesn't as the last time I was there it had a mouldy orange and one of her daughter's gloves in it!! They don't have a cat flap though so I worry that if I don't agree to help out, he might not get to go out. I don't know, I need to grow a backbone I guess!

I'm really hoping that she's got the hint from my cattery comment so I can avoid any confrontation.

I should also say that I have said no before, one weekend when I really couldn't do it. Also, I have had a word about maybe clearing up a bit as I noticed her little girl's potty was filthy one time and I knew it was a health hazard. It was still dirty the next week and when I mentioned it she said it had been cleaned since then, it just needed cleaning again. I know that wasn't true though as her Daughter told me she doesn't use the potty anymore, just the 'big girl toilet'.