To confront my in laws when they come round later..

[Wheresmygalaxy]

My ds is now 7 weeks old, but this has gone on long before, to make it short in the past few months ive had to deal with:

1. my stepmum passing away in may from a horrible long suffering illness, inlaws know this ad havent asked once howim doing let alone my dad!

1. being diagnosed with spd at 6 months pregnant, to help out they would continually come round without telling me and expecting me to get out of bed to see to them, when i refused (i was on crutches at the time, they moaned to dp about me being lazy!)

1. I was a week overdue, had a 4 day labour and in severe pain with spd to "help" they called at all times of the night to see if there was any news, even after being told by dp we would let them know as soon as anything happened.

1. I said i didnt want her in the delivery room after she told me she would be there, this was seen as me choosing my own mum over here - which i did, im close to my mum, i dont get on with mil really well. just polite for dp's sake

1. baby was taken into intensive care for 1st week, she never visited me in hospital even though we were both kept in for a week, she would go straight to see ds, and after being told by staff to leave and be accompanied by 1 of the parents accused me of telling them to say it to her.

1. visited the 1st day i got home from hospital after me saying i wanted to get home and relax - i came home at 9pm at night, and there were here for 3 nights that week.

1. the 2nd week out of hospital mil sent round family member to say she was really upset that we hadnt been to visit her, and she'd got herself into a bad state - i had just give birth, hadnt really had the energy to get dressed let alone go out visiting people.

1. by now she was moaning to take ds out so i stupidly let her take him for a walk, she was back within 40 minutes telling me he hadnt woken up to look at the ducks so was pointless being out with him!

there is lots more i could list but what happened last week was that i was told by 2 different people how they had been slagging me off for ot letting them see their grandson and how i wouldnt let them take him for days out. the day out i wouldnt let them take him on was a trip to their local pub at 6 weeks t show off to all their friends. instead dp went with them to his aunts house so they still got to see him for the day.

1 of the people who told me what they had been saying is my aunt, they dont know its my aunt though i think they assumed she was just a stranger in the pub who they got chatting to but my aunt knew who they where and didnt say anything. Ive told dp to have a word with them before and he has but it obviously did no good, would it help if i said something now as its getting beyond a joke, if there telling strangers what they think of me what are they saying to closer friends and family. for the record now 2 of his aunts now wont speak to me and i have no idea why, but to be honest i dont care if this is he mentality im dealing with.

also his parents are really big drinkers especially his mum, she wont admit she has a drink peoblem and the family just laugh it off so the thought of leaving ds with her just terrifies me. ive never stopped them seeing him and never will, they were due to come visit yesterday but they wet to the pub instead. so now there coming today, should i say something or keep quiet to try and restore the peace??

Congratulations on your new baby. Like other posters, apart from the drink problems, this was me almost 4 years ago but with Mil and SiL . DH completely buried his head in the sand. Things got worse and worse, I had PND and it all came to massive head when DS was 18 months with SiL calling me a twat and a C word. I was too worn down by that point. I got a move through work and we ended up 200 miles away. We didn't mean to move this far but distance was the only way to preserve my sanity. I still feel massively let down by DH for not fighting my corner. I can't look at pictures of DS as a baby without associating that time with such deep unhappiness due to their bullying. DH doesn't get it and almost 4 years on I am still full of anger and resentment. It won't get any better as you won't be able to reason with these types of people. To this day, Mil and SiL have never seen anything wrong with the way they treated me and i have a list as long as my arm of shit things they said and did. It was all in my head apparently. It's radical, but distance is the answer. It's taken a long time, but the way I see it now is, do I really want people that treated me so shit around my DS.

if your dp has noticed and agrees with you then go for it, be polite but firm and make your feelings known. if that has no impact just tell them your moving. make sure you do not resort to nastyness just make it perfectly clear what will be happening from now on

if dp hasnt noticed this going on hes either a total plonker or used to there bullying

A 7 week old baby needs to be with his parents, not left in the care of a drunk and passed around a pub full of strangers. He's a tiny baby, not some trophy for them to show off.

Your MIL is doing a good job of making this all about her.

I think your DP needs to more proactive in supporting you, and you need to be crystal clear about what you want to happen.

Given that DS spent time in ICU, are you getting any follow-up care or advice ? There might be things that ILs want to do that the doctors would advise against, If you asked them. Bottom line is you do what is right for DS, not ILs.

OP, I hope things were alright when your IL's came round yesterday.... are you alright?
Have you spoken to your DH about things and been able to be clear about how you are feeling....I hope so....and I really hope your DH is being supportive and understanding
Hope to hear from you today and you are ok (hug)

Yes they came round last night, these people who are so desperate to see their grandchild where here for all of 25 minutes before announcing they had to leave as fil wanted to go and watch the match. ,

during that time they picked ds up, he screamed mil obviously could diagnose him as having wind from across the room, fil gave him straight back when he started crying and i asked dp could he get a bottle as he was just hungry, mil says again he has wind, thats a wind cry . anyway ds guzzled away as he normally does cos he was hungry, so mil mentions when they minded him for a couple of hours the other wk he cried like that then, i asked was he hungry did you feed him? she said no he wasnt hungry, so i took the opportunity to say well it was probably a bit too much for him being only 6 weeks old, taken away from his mum and dad in a new house with new smells with new people who he hardly knows who want to play with him constantly.

thats not what he needs, he needs to be in his own house, being fed, getting changed and sleeping, and im sorry but all this talk of taking him for days out is ridiculous, its more for you than him and he wont be going anywhere for quite a while. then dp asked if they had spoke to "x" lately and i watched them as they connected the dots that we knew they had been moaning about me. they said something about minding him when they get back from holiday in a few weeks, i said your welcome to come here and sit with him, just as my family do then i told them its only you 2 that are expecting to take a 7 wk old away from his parents at such an early stage, nobody else has even asked cos they know its a stupid idea.

mil mentioned a family wedding coming up and asked if id be bringing ds with me, i said probably not, ill ask my mum to babysit him, cant wait to hear how unfair it all is that my mum had him for the whole day, but to be fair my mum doesnt smoke, drink, comes now and again and will just sit with him, feed him etc so he feels safe with her, same as my dad, its only in laws who come round, wrap him in a blanket and try to play with him whether he was asleep or not an wonder why he screams and cries.

at least i have 2 weeks peace now anyway!! thanks for everyone asking how it went, really appreciate the support x

oh my...didn't you do well....nothing to worry about now then...you've found your inner bitch and put her to positive use....good for you....enjoy your 'holiday from the IL's.....!!!! lol

I've been reading your post, well done for last night keep it up.

Sounds like you did a great job :)

Congratulations :) Hopefully they'll get the message now!

Bwell done Galaxy, that's great stuff there. I bet you feel so much better. I wish I had done the same early on.

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