To wish my in laws would stop utterly spoiling my children?

[ilikeyoursleeves]

I have three ds's with ds3 only being born 8 weeks ago. The other two are 4 & 3 years old. We have brought up the boys ourselves ie, not had any family to help out with childcare etc but occasionally my SIL's take the two older boys out for the day to give us a break. Given ds3 just arrived, one of my SILs has been great and has taken the older ones out to various places and we have really appreciated it.

However, they have showered them with gifts at every day out (as in three or four presents a time and something every time they visit their house) and my boys are becoming really spoiled and it has really saddened me to see how they have changed over the summer holidays. We tend to only give presents at birthdays and Xmas and say a wee car or toy if we are on a day trip which isn't too often. They have always appreciated all their toys and have learned the art of delayed gratification! But they are now asking for a toy every time they are out and ds1 has gone in a total huff if he doesn't get anything. We went to an aquarium the other day and ds1 tried to get round the place ASAP so he could get to the shop to get a toy! Needless to say he got nothing due to his attitude and he said he didn't like his day out cos he didn't get toy it the shop (cost bloody £25 to just get in the place!). Ds2 isn't so bad but even he has started saying 'what are we buying?' whenever we go out.

My SIL spoiled her own child and he would get a toy every day practically and barely appreciates things now. Eg he sleeps in on Xmas morning as getting presents just isn't exciting. SIL and her DH have now announced they want to buy the DSs a huge trampoline for our garden but this is just another example of spoiling them plus I cannot stand the things! I am not sure how to handle the situation as I do appreciate their input with the boys, I just wish they would see them without buying them something every single time. Aibu and should I say something or just put up with it and try keep explaining to my boys that they can't always get toys??? I just feel we will then be seen as the baddies who never get them anything! :(

I would say a massive no to the trampoline but if they offer to take them out for the day and want to buy gifts then that is their choice.

Say something if you want but be aware the asking for things might not be completely your in laws fault.

I was quite smug and of the thinking my ds wasn't spoilt and my dn's were because you couldn't take them anywhere without them wanting something. Turns out my ds started that about 5. It's a bit of a phase I think. They realise there's things to be bought and push their luck.

If they only take them out occasionaly you can't blame your SIL for your kids whining for stuff when you take them out, Most kids do it at some point.

Don't say no to the trampoline - with 3 kids it will be bloody useful!

Could it also be partly due to your boys age in that they are now a bit older and realise you can buy things so see things they like and ask for them but are a few years off realising things in terms of money. If with school/playgroup routines starting back up the frequency of days out with SIL will be less I wouldn't rock the boat by saying something as they probably enjoy treating the boys when out.

When out with you just say different people do different things. From about that age of 3 I have stated before we leave home what we are going shopping for and what they might get if anything so they don't wander the shops with any expectation. Sometimes if on a day out they may get a small toy if it somewhere we don't go often, if it to the shops they may get to pick a new toothbrush, pj's or pack of pants something they need but they it is a treat as they chose. Some days it might be just a sweet or nothing I try to vary it do there is no "normal"

I had 4 under 6 and given your newborn I would just take the help at the moment.

I'd just explain to your sil about your trip to the aquarium and tell her you really appreciate their help with looking after them but would prefer them not to buy presents other than Christmas/birthday, you don't have to say it's because of them you could say your ds is going through a phase of expecting presents and you don't want him to become materialistic.

My hubby split with his ex when their son was 11 months and has spoilt him rotten out of guilt and now aged 9 he is, to be honest, a brat. Not his fault I know but it's what's happened after years of not being told no and getting everything he wanted.

The kids will love the tramoline, even if you can't stand the bloody things

I can't see how your old taking them put a few times has 'created' spoilt children.
I think its more likely to be a phase and the younger on is learning from the older one.