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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a move back to the UK

10 replies

E320 · 19/08/2012 10:39

after nearly 25 years abroad, may not be the answer?
Aware that things have changed quite radically. Would definitely not be able to afford my present lifestyle, but could get quite a good job in the area of my choice and would be closer to ageing parents than I am now.
Arguments for and against, please.
Should add, no children or other personal baggage.

OP posts:
Krumbum · 19/08/2012 10:53

Where do you live now?
Where in the uk would you want to live?

Sirzy · 19/08/2012 10:54

There are so many ifs buts and maybes it's hard to say anything really,

I guess the key factor is how important being close to your parents is

MainlyMaynie · 19/08/2012 11:00

It depends what the question is. Are you unhappy where you are now?

Original poster
E320 · 19/08/2012 11:20

I totally love where I live, but I have to work about 250 miles away at the moment, in another country, which is not much fun at all.
I am looking for work closer to home, though, but so far without much success.
If moving back to the UK I would be looking at Devon, where I grew up and have family.

OP posts:
MainlyMaynie · 19/08/2012 11:46

Would it be easier to find a job in the UK? Why not start job hunting there to and see how you feel if you find a job? It might be easier to decide if you have a concrete option to look at.

Fresh01 · 19/08/2012 14:43

We moved back after 9 years living abroad. One of our main reasons was we had had a DC (now got 4) but wanted our children to have a closer relationship with grandparents and family than a couple of weeks a year.

A few things you may want to consider

  • how would you feel if you got a phone call saying one of your parents had suddenly and unexpected died and you hadn't seen them recently. Know this can happen if you live in different parts of UK. But we had this happen the only small blessing in the situation was it was less than a month after a visit home so we had seen them recently.
  • how would you feel if they needed emergency surgery within 24hours and due to the distance you can't get there before the go in for surgery. We had this to with a different parent.
  • would you live near enough to them to provide regular assistance if they were struggling to remain self sufficient?
  • do you have friends still in the area you would move to? Someone once told me it takes around 5 years to create a circle of close friends again.

It is a hard decision after so long away, don't rush it and good luck.

juneau · 19/08/2012 15:15

Hmm well 25 years is a VERY long time to have been away. Apart from your parents do you have a life here to come back to or would you be effectively starting again? I'm concerned that you're talking about moving back for your parents, but not for yourself. Do you really WANT to move back here, or do you just feel like maybe you should? If so, I doubt it will work out. You've been away so long that I'm guessing you don't even feel very British any more, or even if you do it will be a rose-tinted and unrealistic feeling of nostalgia that won't have much bearing on the reality of day-to-day life here. I spent six years in the US and struggled with my confused identity when I moved back - if I'd been away as long as you have I think it would be incredibly hard to settle back in.

Having said all that, Devon is lovely. I'd love to live there. So pretty, lovely coastline, friendly people, etc.

smellyolddog · 19/08/2012 15:16

Fresh01 - that's so true about the 5 years friends circle! We moved back to the UK and are now with both sets of ageing parents and the only siblings around for both sets, I feel better being here, and it did take us 5 years to really settle back into the whole swing of the UK, having lived in Asia there are good and bad parts of all countries.

But the UK will always be home - We have talked about going abroad again in a few years when DS are older, I would say at the moment the UK is tough, its expensive especially housing, it's hard work - but it's worth it all when you get a sunny day and the smell of cut grass and fish and we can hear a brass band playing in the distance!! Perfect.

BlinkersOn · 19/08/2012 15:35

We came back after being expats for 17 years, we lived in various countries and had a fantastic time. We came back primarily because our eldest DC needed to start A'level's and we were keen for the DC's to got to Uni in the UK.

It's been a little slow making friends but I have loved being back. It depends so much on your immediate environment, where you live and where you work.

The UK has a lot going for it and I think it's a great place to live. (especially Devon Grin ).
I think you will find it hard to get objective opinions, some people moan regardless of where they live and some people move and settle easily and happily.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

CaliforniaLeaving · 19/08/2012 17:42

We are doing it, been here so long I forget how long. It's at least 25 years as we got married in 85 and have ping ponged.
You should check out the moving back to UK section in www.britishexpats.com there are some who went back after 30 and 40 years to retire.
Even though I like it well enough here, it's not really home. We will be going back ASAP to look after my Mum who is now in her 70's and her Dh died. My older boys are there already (24 year old working and 18 year old starts college in September) so just me Dh and Dd to move, we have the boat, cars and house to sell and then jump on a plane, Oh I have a few boxes of memorabilia to ship and Dh work tools.

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